#dead inside

hi sorry, i stopped playing fallout long enough to draw something and i just want to continue on with my life as though nothing has happened in regards to gravity falls

Later:

even later:

Trauma bonding is loyalty to a person who is destructive.  Some thoughts to consider determining if you are in a trauma bond with someone:

There is a constant pattern of non-performance, yet you continue to believe promises to the contrary.

Others seem disturbed by something that has happened to you or was said to you, and you are not.

You feel stuck because the other person keeps doing destructive things, but you believe there is nothing you can do about it.

You try to change the person into becoming less destructive by trying to get them to stop an addiction or become a non-abuser.

You keep having repetitive, damaging fights with this person that nobody wins.

You seem unable to detach from someone even though you can’t trust them or really don’t even like them.

When you try to leave this person you find yourself missing them to the point of longing that is so awful that you believe it is going to destroy you.

The environment necessary to create a trauma bond involves intensity, complexity, inconsistency, and a promise. Victims stay because they are holding on to that elusive “promise” or hope.  There is always manipulation involved. Victims are prey to the manipulation because they are willing to tolerate abuse for the payoff, which is that elusive promise and ever present hope for fulfilment of some deeply personal need within the victim.

Only after time away from the unhealthy attachment can a person begin to see the destruction it caused.  In essence, people need to “detox” from trauma bonds by breaking them and staying away from the relationship.

option 1: orange is the new black 

option 2: 

rose: responds with a thank you every week, which often turns into jade and her exchanging cute animal pictures for like an hour. she quietly references the meme to herself sometimes. “your finals will begin on tuesday,” her professor begins. “no problem.” rose mumbles to herself, and immediately glances around to ensure no one heard.

i get that it can make you manipulative or want to lash out. i really do. but you need to apologize when you are called out for it, you cant excuse it by saying youre mentally ill, you cant accuse people of ableism when theyre really just saying “hey this isnt cool you should apologize for this”