I dont know what the fuck to do. No one helps. Ive got only 1 person to talk to & even that person is so upsettingly difficult to carefully to talk to. & ive got no one else. & I never will. Nothing i say makes sense & Im a fucking asshole & Im trying not to be. I do or say one thing that I think might help but i kick it in the wrong goal & someone gets angry or upset about it & im torn apart. I try & talk about something to anyone & they either 'need to go to sleep' or say anything or get angry at me & then get upset when I dont talk about anything. I dont talk about anything because when i do they dont give a fuck, doesnt matter who. No ones going to read this. Whats the point. I want someone I love to read this but whats the point, they wont & even if they did theyd just get upset or angry or lie about something. Agh I hate everything. Ive been depressed for 7 years & wanted to kill myself for 5 years. Ive told 2 people, the first one didnt care. Atleast the second tried to help. Nothing i do works. Im pathetic. Im not what I want to be. I dont even know why i hate everything so much. I dont even know if i hate everything... Im just so sad all the time. Im not scared of dying but im scared of missing something... I dont know if theres anything id miss that i can go through. Like a current partners future wedding with someone else, a best friends random birthday or a film coming out & everyone wanting to see it with me. I dont even know if what im typing makes sense, i guess i can never express whats on my mind properly & thats why i find it difficult talking. Man what am I doing? Im just rambling.
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