SURPRISE! NOBODY GIVES A SHIT

But I felt the need to personally say that there are people on your side of the situation without being completely parasocial and just leaving a like because that felt, not right.

The entire thing is, heartbreaking for multiple reasons from finding out what Rae is like as a person after following their art for so long, how they treated you like you didn’t matter.

How so many members of the community were ready to defend them purely because of who they are without caring to look at the facts of it all is sickening.

Whatever happens next I hope that you find more reasons to keep going, and that Rae along with that parasite in the server is rightfully beaten with sticks and stones.

You deserve better.

sorry it took me a moment to respond but i really do appreciate this . I'm sorry.

i do truly believe it won't get better.

did i do this to myself? it feels like it at this point.

this has ruined me. this has ruined anything i wanted to be. i cannot go back. there's just something about me that warranted this. i just cannot rationalize it

i really cannot promise you a thing i feel like i am never going to get better. i just feel bad i dragged you along for this.

this never had to happen but it did. and that proves something to me. i will never change. nothing around me will change. they could afford this to themselves. they could all rationalize it and say to my face exactly why it didn't matter.

every single day i consider killing myself

also having a rule against blocking a mod is so?? weird??? i KIND of get it for a big server, hard to keep track of whos blocked who and who can ping who, you dont want people intentionally evading the rules, whatever. EXCEPT that the user who did that got banned bc they literally Can keep track, apparently, somehow. why do they have that. hello. and again if a mod has received enough backlash that server users are blocking them over their behavior, why the FUCK are they still a mod. last time that happened with one of our mods we banned them.

the level of willful incompetence that has been plainly on display in this is staggering. this isnt "moderation is a learning process" this is "i am bad at my fucking job and i didnt care about getting better until it might Actually have any consequences. which it didnt." jesus christ.

you hinging so much of yourself on the decision making of a discord moderator with absolutely no mental health certification was a poor decision. these are literally just people who hang out in the community often??

however poorly you think the issue was handled, rae shouldn’t have been responsible for sleuthing out ongoing interpersonal stalking accusations between you and another member. it’s a public server Anyone can join. it will never be perfectly curated. only to the best of the ability of like 5 regular ass guys.

ok so, 1. this was quite literally their job. it is their job to deal with situations "like this". it is reiterated again and again, if you have any issues with anyone in the server, you shouldn't be afraid to contact a mod about it. i talked with rae specifically because they reached out to me first when i impulsively left the server for the first time. their message asking if i was okay being sent "not as a moderator" despite them knowing of the issue before i even left. (peep them acting completely clueless in their first messages wow how transparent of them)

(boo fucking hoo also. how fucking dare i have screenshots from someone's private account (which he btw talked about wanting to be leaked but whatever). which btw rae never appeared to have an issue with me having screenshots while we were talking in dms about it and i also explained i never had direct access to his private account and only had these screenshots from mutual friends i had with that user. i only even got access to these screenshots months after the posts started to be made because people around me felt guilty over staying quiet about it) 2. it was not a mental health crisis until months into this due to their innaction. yes i felt pretty awful about it from the start, yet rae literally reassured it was fine for me to talk about it. they KNEW how badly it was affecting me, yet chose to do nothing 3. how do you even know what they're paid. even if they were underpaid it wouldn't be my fault for believe they'd do what they literally describe as their job. there was also a whole team of moderators, at any point they could've passed me off to a different mod to handle it but they didn't. 4. they are also the social media manager. but even if they were just a moderator, their position as a discord mod should be plenty enough for me to have trust in them to deal with a member in the discord server they moderate 5. you don't need "mental health certifications" to take a victim of a stalker seriously 6. "these are literally just people who hang out in the community often??" literally factually wrong. moderators are hired to keep the community safe, and they have the tools specifically to keep it safe. this is their job and their position as a discord moderator is inherently different and comes with way more responsability from random members. 7. you cannot keep calling something that has definite proof "accussations". there literally is proof of this user stalking and harassing me as well as shit talking other members of the server. all which rae refused to do anything about until the user moved onto a different victim who i urged to make it public because rae wouldn't've done anything if i didn't.

vs how they actually contacted me

you needed more evidence? why didn't you ask me rae ? for more evidence . because i sent you more evidence. and actually the post you were directly reblogging was literally just a 5 month timeline of you still not doing anything when there was plenty of "evidence" is me continually updating you and sending you proof for months and months and you still not doing ANYTHING still a "he said she said" call me batshit fucking crazy for not believing the next one

"i do own up to my mistake" btw nothing changed but now the mod team is deleting mentions of me in the wishes unlimited server to ""protect my privacy"" and still saying that maybe if i just didn't make a public "call-out" and contacted other mods about it first, and maybe if i was just more direct about wanting gryphon banned, this tooootally all would have never happened!! and it was alll just miscommunication!!! and it was all my fault for trusting any of what rae said!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "its a learning experience and i do promise to learn from it" is my life worth that. is the mental and physical well being of a 18-19 year old worth barely a "learning experience" for you. you're in your 30s and it's apparently my fault you weren't reminded to do your job and take seriously a teenager begging you to do literally anything about this craaazy complicated stalker harasser situation thing. and after this response they went right back to reblogging a million fucking posts so this gets buried! masterful gambit rae aka raekeiko aka artseniccatnip !!!! still social media manager and server moderator of wishes unlimited "im soooo sowwy i ruined this game for u :(" your mismanagement at every step of this over the course of MONTHS literally made me develope paranoia and you're just so sorry i stayed sick over your actions and deleted all the cutesy fanart you pretended to gush over so i kept thinking we were friends when in reality you couldn't give less of a shit what actually happened to me. you didn't "ruin this game for me" you ruined me. these actions that at every step you had full control over and at no point were you forced into nor even benefited you personally long or even short-term. you could afford yourself this. you chose this. it's all "i know saying sorry doesn't fix anything!" until i actually act like your shitty apology doesn't fix a thing, but oh i bet this will never happen ever again! and you're still tooootally fit for this job!! and actually the fact that you even dared admit you may have maybe done something wrong just proves your integrity! you're so redeemable! OH ALSO the whole team is sooo sorry about this (just in private) and they do really really all care!! (just in private. where i can never see. and i can never ever even be sure that this "private" even exists)

and the i go ask someone else on the wishes unlimited server's mod team and

a small snippet of the "casual complaint that didn't warrant action"-s btw

I was on youtube today and I saw one of your videos I think? And I thought "wow thats kinda cool". I haven't been involved in the wishes discord community in a long while, I just stick to ask-the-devs. I thought you making videos was pretty neat though so I decided to just say hi and then go about my business. I put a message in the general chat, something along the lines of "dishbug i saw you on my youtube homepage" and last time I've been involved with the community you were super active so I didn't think to @ you and just sorta left it there. I saw robin(?) typing and I thought it'd be something neato. But the next time I check the chat? That message got deleted. Like instantly. I only left for a few minutes and I was just surprised. Robin told me that you werent in the server and I replied back saying "I swear I saw a dishbug somewhere here", and they replied back saying that you left the server and they wanted to respect your privacy.

I thought "damn but okay" and just kinda moved on. I WOULD have just ended it there but then I remembered beastieball art you posted on Reddit that I saw and wanted to look back at. But then something felt really fishy when I scoured like the entire beastieball subreddit and found literally nothing. I checked to see maybe if I was just confusing it with some other wishes game but I checked those subreddits and also found nothing.

I still wanted to see the art though so I thought maybe I could find something on tumblr? And I looked up your name in the search bar and boom there was your account (I should mention there is still wishes related media on your alt account). I tried scrolling down and just looking for the beastieball fanart but also found nothing, and thats when I stumbled upon your posts about the whole situation.

I apologize in advance for any cynicism or any impressions that I'm against you or indifferent, I'm not a socializer or communicator, I barely talk to people and I try to just stay in the shadows and in my own lane. But I promise that I do genuinely feel bad for you. I'm not good at expressing that or saying it without feeling fake, but please believe that I do think this whole situation is horrible and you deserve better. I don't know any life advice or anything, my problems are still ongoing and I haven't seen "how it ends" for lack of a better term. All I'll say is that maybe I'll never really understand how you feel, but my life has sucked before and it can be unbearable. I want to give you whatever bit of kindness I can muster up in a random tumblr post and maybe I make your next month or even week a little easier to bear

While unraveling the whole situation I remembered an old question in ask-the-devs that I thought you'd find interesting

(sorry im really new to tumblr I think the alt text would work best for this? but I'm worried I might break something so heres text that is a copy of the text from the message incase its too pixelated) "On the other hand if we take steps such as only ever showing up to punish people, and assume ill-intent for normal mistakes, we erode the trust people have in our judgement, and discourage interaction for fear of not being taken seriously. In the long term, not only does that make the culture less lively and friendly, but on occasions when a real threat does manifest itself, we may miss it because the concerned parties decide to just leave instead of asking for help. In a way, you can say it's a method of building community-wide resilience: positive reinforcement of the peace we wish to see leads to a community more willing to step up for each other and be there to solve problems constructively even when the mods aren't. Despite the fact that the server has scaled up considerably, we've managed to maintain those expectations because we trust everyone here to do their part where they belong. There will always be a problem here or there, but that is essentially what makes the difference between some drama ballooning out of proportion or not. A distrustful community where everyone is already on edge cannot easily bounce back from a conflict being triggered. It is easy to give in to your worst self in an unsupportive environment, no matter how good of a person you are otherwise, so it is up to us to ensure the system itself sets our members up for success."

I think I maxed out the letters hold on

isn't it soooo funny how i never told anyone on the team that im now forbidden from being mentioned in the server now. isn't it sooo fucking funny that if anything i want people to talk about me more so they'd be forced to address this properly now. deleted the message. not even "oh he's theyre not here anymore!" i've never gone by they lmfao thanks guys really shows how much we don't give a shit

i can tell its you ,you talk the exact fucking same. maybe you can quit stalking me now

thank you the 2 not anons who were kind (i remember u comic studio person) it matters a lot more than you might assume it does

it's not inappropriate at all. i really do appreciate this.

i was urged to talk to someone else on the mod team months later who confirmed they just didn't even know about the stalking.

rae was very vague in retelling everything apparently and didn't share screenshots with the rest of the mod team for privacy reasons (something which i would've definitely agreed to would be okay to share if they ever presented the opportunity. but in all honesty i just assumed them "talking to the rest of the mod team about it" already. like. included all of the context on the situation..? idk.) and so i guess it was just assumed to be two server members who didn't like eachother instead of. y'know. months long one sided stalking and harassment

and ofc in rae's first response they insisted that the whole mod team totally knew of everything. and also that I should've just went back to them in private again instead of letting it get to me this bad. which. y'know obviously the first time i tried keeping something between the two of us it absolutely worked out just amazingly.

in all honesty i still find it really hard to not second guess myself on how serious it was just because of how everyone decided the most appropriate reaction to this was to stay quiet until they felt personally attacked i dared lash out towards people who i guess weren't outright maliciously chosing to contribute to my suffering

ofcourse, after some time of my post being up some people did come up to me to ask if i was okay and expressed how angry they are on my behalf. which majority was private and half of which was from people who weren't even in the fandom.

i can't open this site without feeling nauseous with dread,. i can't trust anyone or their intentions or any possible power they could have over me, so i probably will not check any sort of notification here that aren't direct messages or asks every few days when i can handle it

I’m so so sorry this happened to you man, both of those things, you didn’t deserve that. It’s sad to see these games completely ruined for you, especially when we both had so much fun ranting about ideas together about wandersong. I’m so sorry you’ll never be able to play the game the same again. I’m so sorry you were put through that. You’re seen, man, I care about you, and I wish you well in healing. You are something. You are enough.

I hope you feel better.

Kindest regards,

🌸 anon

just a reminder everyone aware of this at any fucking point until now could've had a say in how all of this went down. the willful ignorance and utter lack of sympathy from every single one of you who chose to stay silent is what chased me out of this space and why i will never feel safe to share myself ever fucking again. if you never managed to vocalized that you cared at any point in this, if you scrolled past every single fucking post i made begging for anyone to give a shit, because you just couldn't take the time and chose to "remain neutral" on someone being stalked, harassed and dismissed to the point of suicidality, you ARE to blame.

hey rookzie remember when you randomly switched to identifying as a traumagenic system to guilt trip me into i guess not being mentally ill anymore. and how for months you kept hinting that i "ruined your life" on various sideblogs when this is actually the last conversation we ever had (ps plurality was never mentioned before this).

also are we sure this is how splitting works

can someone ask rae why it took several months of me begging them to ban a server member who stalked me, repeatedly mocked my mental breakdowns he caused and made me feel unsafe and paranoid to stay in the server they moderated, but as long as he was only harassing me, the answer was "im sorry that's happening! yeah i don't like him either but he didn't harass you IN the server so i can't do anythinggg :(" but the moment he picks a new target. and that target makes the issue public, they IMMEDIATELY switched to being so shocked about him being a bad person, and was "trying to figure out what to do cause they don't really feel comfortable having a bully in the server..."

this part rlly shocked me. so we "can't do anything" and avoid directly commenting on the awful shit he's been doing when i try to resolve it in dms but. but suddenly when its a public callout post. . . oh no suddenly we don't want bullies in the server! gasp nobody could've seen the guy that has been harassing me for several months is bullying someone else too now. oh we have GOT to do something!!! quick

its so strange looking back now, seeing them barely acknowledge what this user has been doing to me for months, but confirming "yes you've sent me this before" even though atp it feels like they intentionally avoided saying anything about it.

. this feels like a mes.s probably not even readable. i am not well mentally i cannot think straight i don't even want to give a shit about this user the dms are about anymore. he changed his profile and dissapeared from the web thats done. i don't want this to be about him. this is about rae and how they treated this whole situation and why im upset over it. because they didn't give a shit and im starting to feel like they never did.