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Vetinari: Well, Vimes and I have that kind of easy chemistry where we finish each other's --

Vimes: Sentences.

Vetinari: Please, don't interrupt me.

#discworld #discworld99 #havelock vetinari #sam vimes

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I need you to take my dragon to be with Sam in the city. Now, I know what you’re going to ask me, and the answer is no, I don’t have a map of the booby traps, but I can tell you how he thinks.

Sybil Ramkin

#discworld #discworld99 #sam vimes #sybil ramkin #submitted by wholesomeobsessive

Angua: He is a Music With Rocks In star.

Vimes: Oh, please. Music With Rocks In stars wish they were he. The man can tell how long a corpse has been decomposing by studying the maggots inside. I'd like to see Agnes Nitt do that.

Angua: Not sure Agnes Nitt counts as a Music With Rocks In star, sir.

Vimes: She sings in Morporkian. That's Music With Rocks In.

Angua: Yes.

#discworld #discworld99 #angua von uberwald #sam vimes #agnes nitt

Vetinari: I've never been more proud of you for anything in your life.

Vimes: I mean, I've solved a lot of cases for you.

Vetinari: And yet crime has continued.

#discworld #discworld99 #havelock vetinari #sam vimes

Albert: Guess what I'm holding behind my back.

Death: BEFORE WE BEGIN, WHAT ARE THE PARAMETERS OF THE GUESSING GAME? HOW MANY GUESSES DO I GET? IS THERE A TIME LIMIT?

Albert: Forget it, you ruin everything. It's the Horsemen of the Apocalypse Code and Ethics Manual, Chapter 4, Page 83.

Death: YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TOLD ME. I NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED IT. NOW I'VE WON.

#discworld #discworld99 #alberto malich #death

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[Vetinari walks in with a wire-haired terrier]

Vetinari: Where is my dog?

Vimes: Aren't you standing right next to him?

Vetinari: This bitch? Please.

#discworld #discworld99 #havelock vetinari #sam vimes #wuffles

K so why do you take content from Brooklyn 99 and frame it as if it came from Discworld? Your username is the only hint that you are doing this, you should really be tagging this to clarify the crossover. It really just seems deceptive.

calm down mate, nobodys making money from this lol. i think my username is a fairly obvious hint, as there are many blogs for other fandoms that do similar things, and even if it isnt, is there really any harm in someone mistakenly thinking these are accurate quotes? like i said, nobody is profiting off this ‘’’deception’’’. the main reason i dont tag the crossover is because i dont think people who track the brooklyn 99 tag really need to see my discworld posts lol. anyway if u still think i am Deceiving the Masses then lmk but TTFN, may your day be a great big fish

I smiled at you. For WHAT?!

Adora Belle Dearheart (to Moist)

#discworld #discworld99 #adora belle dearheart

The bartender made me my favorite drink. It's called a bottle of whiskey.

Sam Vimes

#discworld #discworld99 #sam vimes

Vimes: Just give me two minutes alone with him. I'll let him know what's gonna happen to him if he doesn't cooperate.

[Later, in the interrogation room]

Vimes (sobbing): I'm gonna miss the birth of my child! It's a magical moment!

Carcer (sobbing): Okay, okay! I'll tell you everything. Thank you for letting me be part of this wonderful experience.

Vimes: You're a terrible person, but you're welcome.

#discworld #discworld99 #sam vimes #carcer dun #submitted by sissaroom

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Carrot: You want me to flex and make all the buttons pop off of my shirt?

Vimes: Yes! You can do that?

Carrot: The challenge is keeping the buttons on.

#discworld #discworld99 #carrot ironfoundersson #sam vimes

Yeah, I might buy my shoes at a kids' store, and yeah, I might be scared of geese, but I am a damn good cop and I will not be made a fool of.

Nobby Nobbs

#discworld #discworld99 #nobby nobbs

Arachne: Your Lordship, I know this isn't my place to say, but Commander Vimes is here to see you.

Vetinari: Actually, that's exactly your place to say. You are one of my clerks. What, precisely, did you think your job was?

Arachne: Ideally, bull fighter, but it's such a boys' club.

#discworld #discworld99 #havelock vetinari #arachne

You want me to crush that big box into a little ball with my bare hands?

Carrot Ironfoundersson

#discworld #discworld99 #carrot ironfoundersson

Death: THAT'S ENOUGH CHIT CHAT, ALREADY.

Albert: Come on. How many people have to die before you start having fun?

#discworld #discworld99 #death #alberto malich

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Okay, but just so you know, I think you're both wrong. Self dismissed.

Moist von Lipwig (to Vimes and Vetinari)

#discworld #discworld99 #moist von lipwig #sam vimes #havelock vetinari

Moist: Yes, I am amazing. And I only ask for one thing in repayment, a 600% raise.

Vetinari: Or I could give you a 0% raise, and make you the Master of the Royal Mint. Which is what I'm doing. I think you have hidden talents which will make you surprisingly good at the job.

Moist: No, I have no talents.

#discworld #discworld99 #moist von lipwig #havelock vetinari

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