Welcome To My Shit Show

saw a girl wearing a shirt that said CAN'T BREATHALYZE METH! and it kind of startled me out of my breakdown for a second

pretentious moment incoming but why is everyone's idea of fashion so fucking boring these days. why the fuck did my manager just ask me "what's with the scarf". "what's with the scarf" fuck man do I need a reason to wear a faggy little scarf now? you could just say "nice scarf man". what's with your attitude

The computer used to do something very basic & helpful and now it doesn't. I'm gonna complain

"my very photogenic mother died in a freak accident (picnic, lightning) when i was three" like come ON how did you write the funniest sentence ever by adding a two word parenthetical. leave something for the rest of us

"You're losing blood" no I know exactly where it is. The floor. Don't ever underestimate me.

platonic third base: when you get to know someone well enough that they start making mortifyingly specific observations about you

yesterday i was chilling with my friend and there was an ice cream van outside and every time the jingle played i'd look out the window and after the third time i did this my friend said, accurately, 'i think you want to get ice cream but you're scared of the ice cream man.' devastating

Never ever ever eat raw white onion and then smoke cigarette.

The gnomes beat the shit out of you again?

The gnomes beat the shit out of me again.

seeing straight men be disgusted by booktok smut recommenders has actually radicalized me to the side of booktok smut recommenders. girls your taste may be atrocious but i will never disparage you for exposing mainstream discourse to the concept of soaking through your underwear. spent my whole life listening to men talk about penises it’s about time they get jumpscared by women talking about pussy in crude detail on social media. go forth and goon my warriors

A bad photoshop will always be funnier than an AI image no matter what

i literally dont care what your excuse for using AI is. if you didnt put your own effort into making it im not putting my own effort into interacting with it.

well look who it is. my old friend. the conses of my quences.

do not 10k me stop that