Do you think a long term D/s relationship is possible? (like over 5 yrs).
Yes, it is possible. I do know people that are in D/s relationships for 5 years or longer.
I’ve only been kinky for about 3 years so I’m not the best person to ask for advice. All I know is that it takes a lot of communication, understanding, and maturity to navigate one. D/s is not all about the fun, sexy stuff that you see on tumblr, FL, or at the dungeons. Long-term D/s is a product of communication, trust, honesty, having your kinks align, and self-evaluating. As a friend said, "You will find out your flaws really fast."
(I’m using the pronoun “him” because I’m looking for a Daddy Dom D/s relationship.)
Some of the important questions I ask myself are:
• Can I have a normal conversation with him where we can both speak our mind freely without being judged?
• Do we have the same sense of humor?
• Can he tell me when he does not have enough spoons (energy) to talk/play/whatever activity, without making me feel like I’m being ignored?
• Do I enjoy talking to him?
• Is he understanding my side of things (where I’m coming from, how/why I reacted, etc) even though it may be wrong?
• Am I able to share my darkest, filthiest fantasies with him?
• Will he tell me the truth, without me asking (being transparent)?
• Will he only say things I want to hear, or will he tell me the “bad” stuff too?
• Can he tell me when I did something that annoyed him or got him mad, instead of letting it slide?
• Will he be there when I need him to, even if he is mad at me (especially important for the type of Daddy/babygirl dynamic I want)?
• Can he tell me the honest truth, even though the words are not pretty to hear?
• Can I trust him with play, boundary pushing, limits, aftercare, and safewords?
• Can I trust him with my secrets, photos, and videos?
• If poly - Can I trust him in his other relationships (safe sex)?
• Will he discipline me when needed?
• Can I trust him to nuture and guide me, both in D/s and IRL?
• Do I trust him to be there through my darkest times?
• Can I trust him to have important relationship conversations (mono/polya, taking a break, if his needs are not being met, etc)?
• Can I trust this person to give me closure when ending a relationship, while checking in to see how I’m doing subsequently (complicated to explain, but important to me - I would hope that even though the D/s part is over that we can remain friends, check-in, and help each other through the trying period; in a way, I still need him to guide me during this stage)?
• Do we share enough of the same kinks, or at least the important ones?
• Do we share similar dark fantasies? Will they indulge in it?
• Are his needs/kinks being met?
• Are my needs/kinks being met?
• Do we share similar views on play, limits, and safewording?
• Do we agree on the mono/polya situation?
• Do we agree on what the Daddy Dom/babygirl dynamic means and entails?
• Do we agree on when the dynamic is on vs vanilla time? Or is it 24/7?
I’m currently in search of a serious, long-term/life partner and one of the main obstacles is the monogamous/polygamous situation. Most people in my local scene are polya with several partners and enjoys group play. I have done group play and while it’s fun, I’m looking for a more of a just him + me type of situation. That’s not to say threesomes will never happen… I just want to be his, not have him share me. This also does not mean I can’t be polya, it just depends on the situation. If polya, I would prefer each of us to have one other sexual partner. The reason for this is because I enjoy very intenese play with one partner rather than multiple.
