그것은이다당신!

To our Angel..

It has taken me all day to sit down and finally process what I want to say to you. My heart is deeply heavy after hearing the news of your passing and reading your last note. I wish life had been kinder and more helpful to you. I also want to apologize for drifting away a bit as your devoted fan for the past couple of years. However, even though I wasnt as active as a Shawol, I wanted you to know that I still loved you dearly and enjoyed your music and everything you did, that I accepted you for who you are and loved you for who you were. I wish I had taken the chance to see you live……There are a lot of wishes I wish I could make, I wish you hadn’t felt alone, I wish you were able to keep fighting on, I wish you had proper help, and I wish you had been able to find peace while living….but unfortunately it was not meant to be.

I want you to know that I–we, do not blame you. We understand even if we are sad and hurting of losing you. but we will continue on by keeping your memory and your legacy alive in a positive way. We will remember how kind and  accepting you were. We will remember how strong and courageous you were, even if in the end it wasn’t so, but thats nothing to be ashamed of and I hope you dont feel that way while resting. Whether you are resting in Heaven or starting your new life being born again, I hope you are at peace and continue to be. I could sit here and write so much more but I will keep it short.

I love you. You worked hard. You did well. so very well.

Rest in love.

From this loving Shawol.

I have been a Shawol since they debuted. in fact SHINee was the ones who brought me back to KPOP after a lost interest for a while there in BIGBANG’s hiatus back then. They, and Jonghyun had put so much musical joy back into my life and I loved every thing they and he created. Whatever happens now with the group and what they decide to do in light of Jonghyun’s passing, I will fully support and cheer them on. Because that is what Jonghyun would do, thats what he would have wanted us to do.

“A few years ago, I was crying and whining at my mom and sister while I was really drunk. I asked my mom and sister… it wasn’t long after we’d moved. I asked them if they were happy. I got drunk and woke up my entire sleeping family, like some ahjussi. It had been my number one goal in life, you know, to make my mom and sister happy. They both woke up and told me they were happy. But I was so envious at the fact that they were able to reply that they were, indeed, happy. Because it wasn’t like that for me. I told them while sobbing: I want to be happy too. Then I felt like I’d done my mom and sister wrong. But from then on, I started contemplating about happiness. For about six months, I pondered specifically over what I would need to do to become happy. I think that time of transformation has come. I think I need to be happy, now. I must become happy. I am going to be happy.”