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i fucking hate my shoulders

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i feel so isolated and unpracticed at socializing.

it feels like the only safe people are other trans women. You never know if a man secretly believes horrendous shit or if he sees you as a woman and if he does see you as a woman you have to deal with the weird misogyny bullshit. If he sees you as a guy, not only will you be constantly misgendered, but also you often have to hear him say disgusting things about women. With cis women again you never know what horrendous shit they believe. At least the misogyny is not nearly as prevalent and its in less of a dangerous way, but it feels hard to be fully accepted as "one of the girls". With trans women more often than not to accept themselves as trans they have to question alot of the weird things taken for granted by the larger society and theyre often just more accepting of anyone. Idk i guess im just tired of living with conservatives who think they're progressive for some reason

This is a vent post it is not meant to be taken seriously this is just brain vomit thank you

ihatethis

#Trans #i want to come out #Well more succinctly i just want to accepted so very badly #I feel so frustrated and trapped #I do my best to support my family #I never express my opinions on their religious/ political beliefs #Inoher words I NEVER JUDGE THEM I LOVE THEM UNCONDITIONALLY #BUT THEY REFUSE TO ACCEPT ME #WHATHE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO #vent post

i was meant to have been born female but gods a little bitch who's scared of women clearly

Wont let that little bastard stop me though im gonna be so woman god wont know what hit him

im so scared to come out. I dont want to be talked about like im the family freak. I dont want to have to leave my family. As it is though i think its just a matter of time before i kill myself if i dont do something. I dont want to be some dark shameful secret. I just want to be a girl. I just want to be me. I dont want to be reminded that im strange all the time. It got old years ago. If i come out them my strangeness will finally be too much for them and ill be seen as weird but in a dangerous way. Oh well.

#vent post

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my thoughts daily are basically "god i wish i was pretty" and "I deserve to die" and "i should kill myeslf rn" and "damn i really want a burrito"

i wonder how many days in a row ive wanted to kill myself

i think its been almost a month now

i should probably do that soon

life's really dragging on

IM NOT A MAN HOW HARD IS THAT TO FUCKING UNDERSTAND

SERIOUSLY STOP COME ON PLEASE LIKE IF YOURE A GAY TRANS GUY AND IM A GAY TRANS WOMAN THAT MEANS I LIKE WOMEN AND YOU LIKE MEN RIGHT???

SO IF YOU (only attracted to men) START HITTING ON ME EVERYTIME WE TALK, ONE, IM A LESBIAN I DONT LIKE MEN HOW HARD IS THAT TO UNDERSTAND?? TWO YOURE BASICALLY SAYING THAT YOU ONLY SEE ME AS A MAN AND SINCE YOURE ALSO TRANS YOU HAVE TO FUCKING REALIZE HOW I FEEL RIGHT??!?? LIKE I DONT TALK ABOUT HOW PRETTY AND FEM YOU ARE EVERYTIME WE TALK BECAUSE EVEN IF I THOUGHT YOU WERE PRETTY AND FEM IT WOULD BE SO FUCKING RUDE

#I love you trans men but goddamn your brother is pissing me off #vent post #Men #i struggle with you guys sometimes #Strangely validating for my gender to be pissed off at men for hitting on me though ig

i love you

please somebody talk to me

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i wish i was dead

#suicide tw #Suicidal ideation

i have to say but i do love kissing women

my main emotions are stress and anticipation of The Bad Thing and last the feeling of being trapped by my body's seeming inability to obey my commands

i feel like a terrible friend

i like to imagine that im some gods OC because then i just know that for every stupid thing i do theres a god going "hahaha thats just like her to do that, what great character exposition im doing" and no matter what im wearing it doesn't reflect upon the evilness of my soul its just some gay god going "yeah shes just wearing that because i think it looks cool" and honestly the more i write the more I realize that i have alot of religious trauma

#Basically it removes the weight of my mistakes from my shoulders so that im able to focus on dealing with the consequences and moving on #Also it makes me feel better about doing things that ive been taught are sins for my while life but are actually just normal things

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Just had a 57 year old man ask me if i have ever had sex with my uncle or cousin because "you would be too hard to resist"

wtf was that

god forbid a woman be trans AND unattractive

#Clearly internal value is reflected externally

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