Weird Things I Say To My Boss

“Did you ever notice that Wendy’s farts still smell like Wendy’s?”

“Did you ever shave and then it hurts later?”

me: “Did you ever make two turds that don’t even look remotely related to each other in the bowl?” my boss: “........”

“Did you ever feel like you just peed yourself, but you really didn’t?”

“Did you ever get scared to open your mouth because you’re afraid bugs will fly in?”

"Did you ever sit on your phone and it starts vibrating but you think it's a fart?"

“Did you ever walk into the bathroom to pee and you turn the light off instead of on?”

“Did you ever eat too much food and then just imagine how it all looks stretching the inside of your stomach?”

“Did you ever wonder how much poop you could fit into a room if you took all the furniture out?”

"Did you ever get rice in your water bottle while you're drinking and not know what it is or where it came from?"

“Did you ever rub two pizza rolls together and hear the sound?”

“Did you ever accidentally break a corn chip in the air and it falls on your head?”

“Did you ever get mad cause a mosquito bit your face?”

“Did you ever keep putting on your underwear inside out several days in a row without realizing?”