Priority: Palaven | Mass Effect 3
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Origami Around
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

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will byers stan first human second

blake kathryn
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
styofa doing anything
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
One Nice Bug Per Day
Jules of Nature

ellievsbear

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@diddle-that-bass
Priority: Palaven | Mass Effect 3

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Forgot this one
please excuse my grandpa in the background but here’s poncho enjoying her thanksgiving superworms
i will NOT excuse your grandpa he is INTEGRAL to my enjoyment of this video
These people went from lifting chips to pulling off some action movie shit
Chaotic good
did I ever tell you guys how I lost the most overtly religious friend I’ve ever had because she insisted I was hellbound over a pair of jeans
apparently not by your reactions SO let’s talk about emily
emily was catholic and found it really, really important that you knew that
she was discrete for the most part (sign of the cross before meals and blushing when the lord’s name was said in vain sorts of things) but she had a habit of berating people for politely declining her invitations to her church services and was sort of a pain in the ass about it at times but that’s beside the point
we were friends for about two and a half years
and then she borrowed a pair of my jeans.
now these jeans
were not just any pair of jeans
they were lucky brand jeans and the nicest jeans I owned at the time, but I was always cool with letting people borrow things when they really needed them
so this fateful day rolls around and emily is freaking out because she tore her skirt (as in straight up the back, mortifyingly torn) while we were out for coffee waiting for her other friend to pick her up because she was going on a weekend trip with this other friend’s (even more religious) family and her only other option was a pair of starchy pants that would absolutely suck to sit comfortably in for a five hour drive
so I do what any good friend would do and give her the extra pair of jeans I have in my car
which are my luckys
now I didn’t think anything of it and just assumed I’d done a great service here right
but flash forward three days
and she comes back
and doesn’t say
anything
just hands me the jeans
pivots
and walks away
so naturally I’m like??????????
so she proceeds to send me a text the next day saying that I made her look horrible to her friend’s mom because she nicely offered to wash the jeans before returning them and that’s right around the time I remember that Lucky brand jeans have a lovely little note on the fly
they look like this
and then you unzip them and
so that’s the story of how my catholic friend stopped talking to me because I accidentally tainted her social life with my subtle sexual vicious trollop jeans
That is both terrible, and absolutely fucking hilarious

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So my boss once robbed a museum to prove a point and honestly, I think she is my new role model.
If this gets notes I’ll tell the full story
Storu
Many years ago, my boss was working at this museum and they had these original Churchill documents on display. These documents are worth millions of dollars… The only thing separating the public from these documents was a sheet of glass secured with 4 philips head screws. Seriously. No security guards in the room, no cameras, just an easily removable piece of glass.
My boss pointed out the security concern, but she wasn’t taken seriously, so she took matters into her own hands.
She bought a ticket and pretended to be a guest. She entered through the main entrance with a huge drill clearly visible on her belt, went straight to the documents and opened the case with the drill. (While wearing gloves,) she removed the documents, put them in a folder, reattached the glass, and walked out the main exit. Literally no one even questioned her.
She immediately went around to the back of the museum, entered using the staff entrance and went straight to her boss’s office. She dropped the folder on his desk and said “I just stole these in 15 minutes“
Once he was done being mad at her, he listened and the museum increased security.
“What does the chef recommend?”
“Sir, this is a mcdonalds”
Somebody gave our mascot statue a tennis ball.
good he deserves it
he is a good boy
Black Panther (2018) dir. Ryan Coogler
He literally whipped his dick out and busted a nut I’m done.
BUST A NUT

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me as a store owner
Greatest “What is happening off-panel?” comicbook scene ever.
Remember when Netflix and Tumblr didn’t exist and you read like 10 books a week? Good times.

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this is literally so funny and is also me whenever i feel i’ve been Wronged
Twitter trolls are going to town on the Golden State Warriors NBA All Star photoshoot pictures.
Reblogging again cause the ITT Tech took me tf out 😂😂
^^^😭😭
Bruh…I LOL'ed
This is so wrong. So funny, but so, so wrong.