𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐟𝐚𝐭𝐞!

MAKE YOUR MUSE & YOURSELF

                                            𝐮𝐧𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐝  /  always accepting.

He’s never felt so safe before / this is where he wants to be / in his arms , in his arms , against him , with him , him him him. The clothes donned on him were hot in their loose fit , shirt rolling over his shoulder , pants uncomfortable and almost itchy , any gust of air against his collarbones a relief he never knew he could hunger for.

Everything was so addictive and he wonders at what point had he lost his sense of control. Was it after the first kiss? Or the second? Third? Fourth , fifth , sixth , seventh —— he’s kissing him and kissing him and with each time their lips met it dripped straight into his heart beat , and with each pump of his chest it flourished him in a dizzying warmth he grew intoxicated by. The heat pooled into his rib cage and with each deep breath it tipped over , pouring straight into his groin , the heat almost overbearing and desperation made everything oh so suffocating and he found the air he was looking for in Claude’s mouth.

Arms were slung around his shoulders. Kamui hadn’t a clue when he got here , and with the pulsating cotton throughout his body he didn’t seem to care. More , more , more , more —— is all he thinks , and he whimpers into their mouth , thighs tight around them , muscles contracting in some sort of plead against his body. 

` Then have me. ’  He whispers hotly against their lips. Another hum , whine , swallowed gasp leaves his throat and dances on the tongue that gulped back its salivation. 

` Please … ’  Then he begs.

` I want you , too… ’  He begs.

Kamui punctuates it with an open mouthed kiss , begging him with words , begging for him with his body , and a hand spreads through the back of their hair and he tugs a gentle fistful of it , just to feel him , the softness of him , something being so intimate in the act of clawing at his scalp with meek finger nails.

i’m linking the reply bc i can’t make read mores work in threads im sorry lauren ive let you down

He simply couldn’t stop at one ———— it was a long time coming , and by long time , just a few minutes of fingers twitching closer and closer to each other , eye contact almost too focused (spare the few times Kamui redirected his attention to his lips) ,  silence deafening as jocular chatter dwindled. They sat besides each other on his bed , his private quarters a frequent get away from all the life bustling outside. Kamui wonders if his bed had always been this soft as his hand slides against the satin to piece his fingers into the webs of Robin’s , breaking the stillness with a lulling lean of his head to take his lips into his own.

They were warm , so warm. Once Kamui had pulled away he had intended (thought) that it would stop there with a simple smile , little giggles , maybe a jest jabbed at him for such an embarrassing impulse. Though , the arms snaking around his shoulders told him different , the heavy-lidded stare in Robin’s eyes told him different. 

So the smile that would’ve happened . . didn’t  ———— and he’s found leaning further into him , further enough to slowly guide Robin to lay down , legs once swung over the side of the bed now crawling onto it , onto him.

Slow kisses , tantalizingly stealing their lips into his , grew impatient in time , hungry. Kamui , with no self awareness , found his hand sliding up the side of Robin’s shirt , knees pinning both sides of their hips. He was curled over him , and the hands that previously danced together were now twined , pressed to the bed.

                                 𝐢 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 .  /  accepting

This was all his fault , wasn’t it?

No , not only this massacre , flames bellowing from village windows and villagers screams short , cut clean from their throats with a mighty lug of a lousily aimed weapon (which surely , no matter how it were aimed , it would’ve done the job) ———— this was only a domino effect led by his own innocuous guidance. 

This was his fault. The consequences thereafter were his fault. Everything before was his fault.

All of it , through and through ; from the rubble of ashen wood , teddy bears with black marbles foggy and drooping out of their sockets , to the boisterous , no , triumphant howls of king Garon’s men whipping tooth bladed weapons through the hearts of his people. His people , Kamui’s people. Those he has sworn to protect and fight for now another body count , the numbers pounding down against him.

Kamui has , and had always been powerless. Powerless to stop the flames , and powerless to find the heart to fight against these beasts who claim they rip gore between the wedges of their teeth for the greater good. He’d stand in the villages heart , Yato limply held in his palm and pointed into the sulfur that bedded the ground. The air scratched his throat and welled his eyes , but there was no grit to cough , to cry. He stood there until he heard incoherent shouts directed towards him (at him / near him / for him?). A step back , relying on the ball of his heel , his consciousness slowing rolling him , and he firmly grasps his blade then , finishes his step , and turns around to run.

                                                    …

Elise scolded him for his carelessness. Kamui , after the fall of the town , was bed ridden for a few days , coughing up the remnants of dry ash and hearing his own throat crackle with each inhale. His chest burned and if he sat any other way than upright he’d be thrown back forward to heave , and heave , and heave. Some twisted thorn curled into his head convinced him he deserved this. That he deserved worse than this , and should be grateful he was left with a sore throat , heavy chest , and dry eyes. So he still smiled at any and all company , wondering why they’d bother giving him the light of the Nohrian sky when he had burnt that very canvas.

Though , he couldn’t help but feel like some routinely visits were cycled through like chores ———— like he were a chore. Felicia would frequently come in with tea (whether or not it’d still be in a cup or splattered on the floor was subjective) , Camilla would fluff his pillow and make sure his bedding was proper , Elise would assure her magical expertise and serve the role of a rather small , cute doctor who spoke words Kamui didn’t even know she knew about. Again , he was never lonely , again , he was bound to something and couldn’t be let out. It was oddly nostalgic.

There was some unique visitors , however. Some that’d break the illusion he was quarantined again. Zero: man of a stern icy glare and a smile that could only tell you he was up to no good. He didn’t sit down , and kept his lean besides the door, arms crossed and head rolled to the side. Maybe Leo had sent him , he wonders , because there was no way Zero would willingly decide to check his wellness. They had talked for a while , often interrupted by the weak and stifled coughs of Kamui. Somewhere along the way Kamui spoke of his weakness , self deprecation worn with a frail smile and twiddling hands. Zero didn’t seem as sympathetic as some , as urgent to reassure him otherwise as some , as comforting as some or giving him some illusion that things will be okay as some. Somewhere along the way , Zero said something that stuck out more than the rest of their banter.

                                          ‟     The heartache will teach you.    ”

His smile melted from his face , sloping into a cold blank stare. A blink , once , twice , thrice , and that smile comes back , warm and radiant. Zero turned to leave just before Kamui could say ,  ` Thank you. ’  And he had hoped he heard it. I needed to hear that. Amidst all the coddling , reassurance that it wasn’t all his fault , admonishment was what he needed the most. And maybe Zero was the perfect person for that. He wonders if Zero wanted to say that from the start. Chest , sore from ache , lightened a bit with butterflies that wove through the charred cracks.

if this were anyone else, niles wouldn’t be so accepting. the stains a bright light in the midst of darkness, a beacon of hope that’s personal to him, and thus, this time in particular is one he doesn’t want to be disturbed. he loses himself easier here, hands in the grass, their softness grazing feather-light over numerous scars. here, he feels a comforting innocence, both foreign and not, wanting and unwanted. no one ——————————- not a name or a face, could ever come close to comforting him the same. he prefers to pour out his sins to something without a face, without a voice to mock him. he plays too much of that game. at kamui’s intrusion, e doesn’t flinch, but his hand is already braced onto a pocket knife tucked in between folds of fabric, his movements as silent at the wind. ‘ if it isn’t the little prince ……. curiosity got the better of you again? ’ he plays the same sly grin, sick to his stomach and seething with an unexplained dislike.

it’s the same for anyone else, and kamui, royalty or not, is no exception. yet, despite how curdling his words are, zero shifts, one leg hitched up and the other splayed in front of him, his arm resting, fingers fiddling with the stalk of an arrow. ‘ by all means, if you want to. am i so favorable to entice you here? ’ his words are as poisonous as the tips of his arrows. he creates a healthy amount of distance, his eye trained on kamui and the corners of his lips upturning wider. ‘ i suppose the moon has more than enough room for the two of us. is this fate, do you think ? i’m shaking to my very core. ’

He spoke , and Kamui sat. Ordinarily he’s used to the tight proximity of another sat close beside him , arms brushing , shoulder within reach so he may lay a head on them ———— but not with Zero. It was when he had been released from his quarantine that he had realized not many were accustomed to the clarity of day-to-day touch. Then again , perhaps Zero had not felt and grown into touch as he had. Something as banal as shoulder touching , body leaning , hair ran through spread fingers , may not be so commonplace for some ———— and he found that out with a good dose of trial and error.

Zero was donned in the sprawled scraggly wires of thorns on a wilted rose bush ; curved and toothed. Kamui had yet welded the proper gloves and even further yet mastered the craft of tending to his wildlife. So there he sat , just a small ways away , knees hugged to his chest.

` Maybe the moon led me here to you. ’   He says with a smile.   ` I just thought you could use some company. It’s not often the weather in Nohr is so kind. . . And being able to see the moon so clearly is a gift of its own. ’  A lulled gaze does not tear away from the bright saucer in the sky , luminescent and white.  ` And gifts. .  I find , are most enjoyable when you have someone to share it with! ’

                                      𝐮𝐧𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐝  /  always accepting.

Kamui never knew how ticklish he was —— or maybe it was that he forgot. 

How sickeningly easy it was to forget the touch of someone who didn’t plan to cut into you. At least , he had hoped , he trusted. He wonders if he had forgotten the touch of warmth simply because he had never felt it , but then he remembers his siblings. Quarantined away from the likes of them , however , but the seldom visits into his quarters reminded him of what humans were. Could he consider himself among them? He wasn’t so sure. They smiled so warmly , or was that pity in their eyes? They had hugged him , ran their hands against his scalp , he heard their heartbeats once or twice. It was a warmth he’d cling to , appreciate. No , it went far beyond appreciation ; those needy claws clung onto those slivers of hope underneath his nails as desperately as he could just to feel their scraps tear off into his fingers. It was because of them he felt more than just the hollow thuds of his heartbeat ring echoing wails in his chest like a sea animal moaning into the depth and darkness.

It was because of him he felt anything at all in this moment. He truly forgot how ticklish he was , the simplicity of the domestics he only received as a trophy rather than a given.

As Claude lazily rested his fingers into the webs of his own , a toothy grin giggled at the feeling , wanting to feel more of him and pressing their hands together. It was simple. Kamui could almost cry , and he fought hard not to. He doesn’t need any more pity. But he knows Claude’s better than that.

Kamui kept his eyes closed to savor the moment , just a bit longer , and held onto a silly dream that if he kept his eyes closed during such intimacy that maybe it’d abolish all of those dark silhouettes that once homed themselves in the crevices of his foggy memories. An act of replacing the bad with good. He . . hoped , anyways. Silhouettes illuminated by blaring white —— white that held no glow of pigment , silhouettes grey with forgotten presence. Their presence was so cold , or maybe just the outlier of them reminded him of the cold feeling of metal scraping against and into his——

Now’s not the time.

He sighs and it shakes out of him. Another laugh huffs out of his nose and it was almost embarrassing how much he smiled too. His eyes opened at last , to see Claude across from him , smiling , there , warm. Warmth blossomed and pooled into his chest , pouring out from the petals and growing into his throat and settling onto his tongue , rooted into his gut. 

` You mean so much to me. ’  He states simply. With a weak raise of his arm he pulls their wrist to his lips and presses against him. A small kiss , and he smiles against his skin. Though , he doesn’t have the heart to pull him away from him just yet. Kisses further down in three steps , one below the wrist , just slightly below , another one again—— then he stops. Eyes slid over to look at him and he couldn’t help but lull forward and steal one from their lips , hands still limply locked together.  

i’m just compiling all my horny meta into one post :) for easier access 

Unlike in his original canon , Kamui cannot fully turn into a dragon in his Fire Emblem : Three Houses verse. The experiments he went under stripped the pigment from his hair (it was originally black) , and with a second crest woven into his blood , they had attempted to enhance his strength. More specifically , they wanted to further draw out the power of the dragon within him. It worked! However , it goes out of his control. As his teeth grow sharp , his gums grow sore , as his antlers sprout , he bears migraines , has his wings unfold , his back curls over , agony consuming him , as his tail grows he loses balance with the weight of it , forced to succumb being on all fours. His claws are one of the only things that do not cause him direct harm , but he does have to file his nails back down when his fingers return to their normal length.

All conscious awareness of himself disappears. 

His whole body aches as a result for long thereafter. The only way to control this side of him is to let it consume him , and for him to reign control over himself again. But he’s scared , and others are scared of him. It mostly triggers itself , as opposed to being something he summons at will. Mostly through immense emotion , such as fear or anger , does it emerge from him.

There are often times he tries to practice ruling over it , because he fears the day it’ll rule over him and he’ll inevitably bring harm to others. So he wanders far away , far away , to train and combat with his self restraint. He’ll come back to the monastery , sore , sunken , bruised and cut up. Sometimes the only way to calm himself back down is to wear it out of him , in the nicest of terms. He doesn’t always win.

As for his normal , physical appearance , he unfortunately does withhold rather abnormal attributes. His eyes are red , pupils like slits , long ridged ears , his canines are the least noticeable as they are relatively the same as a humans , just slightly bigger. His fingernails are for the most part filed down to a normal length.

In short , he does not have complete control over himself , esp pre-timeskip. As time wanders to post-time skip, he has better manipulation over his powers and uses them to his advantage , however , sometimes the aches still follow.

“    What about his clothes?  What happens to those once he transforms?    ”

      A  RELAXED  SMILE  PLAYS  ON  HIS  FEATURES ,  happily  petting  the  tabby  cat  resting  in  his  lap .  when  the  other  speaks  ashe  raises  a  curious  brow ,  intrigued  by  this  foreign  creature  kamui  speaks  of .  ❛    a  cabunny ,  huh ?   y’know  that  sounds  pretty  cute .    ❜  at  the  offer  ashe’s  smile  widens ,  expression  growing  more  fond  as  he  looks  over  at  the  other .  ❛    well  you  know  i’ve  always  wanted  to  travel  outside  of  faerghus  —  tell  me , kamui  …  what’s  nohr  like ?    ❜

Despite expecting the question , he almost wasn’t ready for it. His smile was stuck in time , lost to the moment of when all he truly focused on was the cats. His smile stutters and he laughs out the feeling that swelled in his gut just to quickly distinguish it from lighting a brighter flame.

                                  𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐞𝐱𝐡𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬  /  no longer accepting  .

Please don’t leave me —— his heart snug itself homely in his throat. 

He had seen this all before.

Castle walls still sang her song. She always had that enchantment to her , like a myth , a fairy tale princess , never meant for the mortal eye to indulge in. Echoing , echoing , screaming , screaming. The hymn’s of a broken maiden’s cry wove into the cracks of his skin and gnawed at his marrow , they tore ajar the cage that guarded his heart beats and strummed his strings like a harp (delicate fingers , slipping against the chords , sliding up the rows and scratching him , scratching him). He ached. He was sore , rubbed raw from the inside.

The floors were luminescent underneath her feet with every step , every light in the room glowed for her , she reflected any and all beauty that she waltzed across with a heavy-eyed mien and effortless elegance. Even now , engulfed by the blight of an alluring hell , she was still beautiful. It was terrifying. It was all so terrifying how the purple iridescent glows of what killed his mother swallowed Azura whole as if she were nothing but a mere speck underneath a God’s nail. What was once purple turned blue , just like her hair , just like the body of water he met her at , just like the skies they’d watch together in the meadows.

Azura was beautiful even in death. 

Death—— no , no , how could he possibly succumb so easily to thought of——

` Azura…  ’  He doesn’t remember when he had fallen to his knees. He doesn’t remember when he had desperately crawled to her , the tiles beneath him so cold , he doesn’t remember. Had his nerves always been shaking? Had he always been crying? You overdid it again , he wants to say , you promised me you wouldn’t , he wants to say. A quivering lip protests his voice. He sits across from her , like a confused child , sat on his feet , fingers curled on his thighs , back curled with the weight of despair.

She sounded so weak , how her voice hiccuped , it was so soft. He’s sure if she touched her skin , her debilitating skin , washed over in cursed pools , that it’d be soft too. Kamui curls into himself but he still looks at her.

Seeing you like this , i’m so scared. The throbs in his throat still rob him of speech. He fears that , if the dam were to break , wails would pour out from his teeth , drowning the sounds of her still echoing grace. Kamui watches shaking arms try and push herself back up to no avail , how her head seems as though she wants to rest on the floor , but she tries , and tries , and tries.

Don’t leave me.

Please , please , please.  ` Please. ’  He swallows that boulder , and felt the ridges and grooves claw his neck.  ` I can’t  . . keep going without you. ’  His eyes throbbed.  ` I need you . . to keep . . smiling by my side. H-huu–how else.. wuh–will I… ’  His gulp was loud , audible.  ` I’ll help you. Take my hand. Please. There’s still . . Just a little more. We’ve got this. Right? We’ve got this? ’  Kamui sounds . . a little unsure , almost. 

He begins to stand , albeit slow , reaching a hand out for her as the blight still radiates.  ` I just need you to take my hand once more. Can you do that for me … Azura? ’  I’m being selfish , and it tastes of iron on his tongue.  ` Just one more time? ’  I know i’m pushing you.