SlimBaby😜💦

           I was out for an exercise run around the neighborhood when I saw two cars parked in my new neighbor’s driveway for the first time. I’d known the house next door had been sold for a while but hadn’t seen the buyers since learning it had been sold. All my wife and I saw were movers and trucks over there for the past few weeks. Now that they’d actually moved in, I decided to wait outside for one of them to walk out and see me so I could start a conversation. When nobody walked out, I pulled out my phone and called my wife.

           “Damian, I’m busy with something at work,” she told me after answering my call. “Is something wrong?”

           “Nah, everything is cool,” I told her. “But guess what?”

           “What?”

           “I think the new neighbors have finally moved in.”

           “Really? Are they white?”

           “I don’t know. They haven’t come outside since I noticed the two cars in the driveway.”

           “I hope they’re not white.”

           “They’re probably black. White people don’t willingly move into a neighborhood that’s a majority black neighborhood unless they’re running from something, no matter how nice the neighborhood is.”

           “That’s true. Well, walk over there and introduce yourself.”

           “I thought about doing that but I don’t know. What if they’re weird? And I just got through running. I might wanna take a shower first.”

                                          Me (Damian Patterson)

           “Baby, just go over and say hi to them. It won’t take long. I probably won’t be getting home until very late tonight, so it’ll probably be tomorrow before I can meet them.”

           “You’re working late again, baby? Damn, that’s the third night in a row. I’m tired of eating delivery and takeout every night, Tisha.”

Massage Oil – Coconut oil soothes tired and sore muscles. Add a few drops of essential oils for more effect.

Athletes Foot – The powerful antifungal properties of coconut oil make it perfect for any fungal infection. Add a few drops of oregano or tea tree oil for more antifungal power.

Acne – Coconut oil gently fights the bacteria that cause acne. Dab it directly on the offending pimples and watch them shrink.

Cleanser – Coconut oil makes an effective and gentle cleanser to remove the grime of the day.

Lice – Coconut oil kills and removes this pesky problem.

Stretch Marks – Prevent and soften stretch marks from pregnancy with coconut oil for soft and supple skin.

Warts and Moles – Rub oil into area and cover with a bandage. Rub in fresh oil and place a new bandage each day.

Moisturizer – Coconut oil is an excellent way to soften and hydrate dry, rough, or damaged skin.

Face Scrub – Mix coconut oil with baking soda, sugar, or cinnamon and oatmeal for the perfect face scrub and exfoliator.

Dandruff – Massage coconut oil into the scalp to ease symptoms of dandruff, both itching and flaking.

Curb Appetite – Take a spoonful before meals to curb appetite so you don’t overeat.

Wrinkles – Rub into lines, creases, and wrinkles to rehydrate skin and soften those wrinkles away.

Sore Throat – Dissolve a spoonful in your mouth and let it slowly roll down the throat. This will coat and protect the throat, boost the health of mucus membranes, and fight any infection.

Ring Worm – Rub coconut oil onto affected area to kill the fungus that causes unsightly ringworm. Add tea tree oil to clear the infection even faster.

Lip Balm – Coconut oil hydrates and protects lips. Coconut even offers some protection from the sun, about an SPF 4.

Cold Sore – Coconut oil has antiviral properties that will help the body get rid of the virus that causes cold sores. Rub it on when needed and add a drop of oregano oil to speed healing.

Lubricant – Coconut makes an all-natural personal lubricant for intimate moments without chemicals.

Gum Removal – Coconut oil gets the sticky stuff out of hair, carpet, and anywhere else it doesn’t belong.

Pet Health – Coconut oil can do a multitude of things for pets, both topically and internally. It improves breath, makes for a shiny coat, eases joint problems, cleans ears, gets rid of fleas, and much more.

Stys/Pink Eye – Rub a small amount of coconut oil on the sty or around the eyes to get rid of these painful and annoying infections quickly.

Earaches – Earaches, swimmer’s ear, and ear infections clear up fast with a few drops of coconut oil mixed with garlic oil.

Cradle Cap – Coconut oil is gentle and safe for infants and helps ease the itching, pain, redness, and flaking associated with cradle cap.

Diaper Rash – Coconut oil can help heal mild diaper rash gently and effectively.

Bruises – Rub coconut oil into bruised skin to speed healing and watch the bruises fade fast.

Age Spots – Coconut oil has beneficial effects on any skin blemish. Use it to help fade age spots with powerful antioxidants.

Shaving Cream – Coconut oil keeps the razor gliding smoothly while leaving skin smooth and soft.

After Shave – Don’t want unpleasant bumps and rashes after shaving? Coconut oil soothes sensitive skin and promotes healing.

Toothpaste – Mix 1 part coconut oil with 1 part baking soda and add a couple drops of peppermint oil. This makes a refreshing, natural toothpaste that whitens and cleans without added preservatives, fluoride, sweeteners, or other chemicals.

Chicken Pox – Ease the itch and encourage healing with dabs of coconut oil. It also works on poison ivy, poison oak, mosquito bites, and other insect stings or bites.

Yeast Infections – Coconut oil fights these fungal infections internally and externally.

Makeup Remover – Coconut oil removes oil-based makeup easily, like mascara. It cleans, hydrates, and makes skin glow.

Conditioner – Coconut oil conditions, strengthens, and repairs hair. Massage it in and rinse it out after ten minutes. A small amount can be rubbed in to dry hair to tame frizz.

Polish Furniture – Coconut oil gives a protective shine to wood furniture. Just make sure you test it out on a small area to make sure you like the outcome.

Energy – Coconut oil and its medium chain triglycerides make it an excellent energy source to improve stamina, endurance, or just to give you a boost through the day.

Deodorant – Mix coconut oil with cornstarch, baking soda, and your favorite essential oils for a natural deodorant that smells fantastic.

Eye Cream – Reduce puffiness and dark circles with a few dabs of coconut oil.

Eczema – Coconut oil reduces the itchiness, pain, flakiness, and dryness of eczema, psoriasis, and dermatitis.

Sunburn – Coconut oil can help prevent sunburn for short exposures. When you burn, it will also speed healing and take some of the sting away. Make sure you wait until all the heat has dissipated before applying it or you trap the heat in. Wait 24 to 72 hours depending on the extent of the burn.

Hemorrhoids – Coconut oil eases the pain and discomfort of hemorrhoids and encourages natural healing both internally and externally.

Nose Bleeds – Rub a bit of coconut oil in nostrils to fight the dry cracking that can lead to nose bleeds and pain.

Canker Sores – Dab coconut oil on canker sores to kill infection and speed up healing. Coconut oil is also a far tastier way to treat canker sores than most other methods.

Toothaches – Coconut oil eases the pain and strengthens teeth. You can mix it with a drop of clove oil to almost instantly relieve pain.

Acid Reflux – Take a small spoonful with meals to keep acid reflux and heartburn at bay.

Urinary Tract – Treat urinary tract infections with a spoonful of coconut oil. It may even ease the painful passing of kidney stones.

Nursing – Coconut oil works great to repair dry, cracked skin, including sore nipples from nursing.

Alzheimer’s – Some research points to coconut oil as a way to slow the progression of or prevent Alzheimer’s and dementia.

Bones – Coconut oil aids the body in the absorption of calcium and magnesium. Both minerals are important for strong bones and teeth.

Epilepsy – Coconut oil may reduce the incidence and intensity of epileptic seizures.

Fitness – Coconut oil boosts energy, increases metabolism, improves thyroid function, and aids healthy weight loss. It is the perfect addition to any workout or fitness regimen.