Another R@nD()m Person

You know amidts this pandemic, (did I even spell that right) I’m just mentally tired.

I’m trying to be emotionally tough but I’m just getting tired too.

I thought I was over these teenage feelings but apparently I’m not.

I’m just imagining myself cutting myself, bleeding to death and drowning in alcohol and just never waking up.

This is why I think it should have been my sister who is alive and not me.

She probably have more will and a better future.

I hate my body’s survival instincts and my fear of pain. If I didn’t have those I probably would have attempted to do it already.

You know, this is why I don’t believe in stability and peace of mind because when I think I finally have them, the carpet seems to be pulled from under me.

I make this sound like I’m the unluckiest person, but well I’m not the unluckiest, probably just the mentally weakest.

This past few night I’m just wishing I sleep and don’t wake up but morning after morning I wake up.

LOL I shouldn’t even be writing this. This is supposed to be a positive diary because I wanted to change and to improve myself, but again and again I’m back in this pessimistic train of thoughts.

My friends are all busy with their lives and I hope they are in a better state of mind than me. 

Through the neck and in other parts of the body but not dying.

I can’t remember who shot me but it was someone I know, there is that nagging feeling about the shooter’s identity.

So I was shot, the gun seems to be an air gun. the pellets were penetrating my body and there was a slight pain at least with how my brain interprets that dream...I was pretending to be dead so the shooting will stop which it only temporarily did....like somehow the shooter figured out I was alive and started shooting a me again.

Finally as a last boost of strength I fought back and ran away and I was saved and seemingly I woke up to a year later timeline and just gave birth to a child whose supposedly a prince. Funny enough it was implied I had another child who was born earlier. 

Then I was flying and I have powers, I was powerful. The powers were supernatural.

It’s a weird dream I know they were connected because the airgun scars were shown in the second dream and I seem to be getting revenge of some sort.

I woke up in the middle of my ” revenges”