S t i l l A l i v e

break up your paragraphs. big paragraphs are scary, your readers will get scared

fuuuuck epithets. “the other man got up” “the taller woman sat down” “the blonde walked away” nahhh. call them by their names or rework the sentence. you can do so much better than this (exception: if the reader doesn’t know the character(s) you’re referring to yet, it’s a-okay to refer to them by an identifying trait)

blunette is not a thing

new speaker, new paragraph. please.

“said” is such a great word. use it. make sweet love to it. but don’t kill it

use “said” more than you use synonyms for it. that way the use of synonyms gets more exciting. getting a sudden description of how a character is saying something (screaming, mumbling, sighing) is more interesting that way.

if your summary says “I suck at summaries” or “story better than summary” you’re turning off the reader, my dude. your summary is supposed to be your hook. you gotta own it, just like you’re gonna own the story they’re about to read

follow long sentences w short ones and short ones w long ones. same goes for paragraphs

your writing is always better than you think it is. you just think it’s bad because the story’s always gonna be predicable to the one who’s writing it

keep your vocab relatively simple. trust me on this. if your reader has to keep toggling between your story and dictionary.com, you’re alienating them, not showing off your “writing prowess.” It’s okay to throw in a few fancy words in once in a while to spruce things up, but don’t use things like “he extrapolated” too often

synonyms are great, but don’t go overboard. instead of “he pronounced, retrieving the container” just say “he said, picking up the box.” again, keep it simple

doesn’t matter how in love they are. they still need lube

if the only thing carrying your plot is an easy-to-fix minor miscommunication/misunderstanding, you might wanna throw something else in there to keep your reader on their toes

describe accents, but try not to put them into dialogue. “Iz cold up een Russia”??? just tell your reader the dude has a russian accent and have him talk

So if you intend to love someone, be sure to accept the challenge called:

I know every time it hits you and you miss him like this and go crazy, you

A. Reach out to his friends

B. Write him a letter

Tonight, you've already done A. And you were about to do B. But I think it's important that you write a letter to yourself.

First off, his friends are never going to give you the answers. They just are amused by you and would rather hit on you. They may not even have this high opinion of you because all you've been doing for the last 7 years is annually or once in two years contact them and kinda almost beg out of desperation for the answer he never gave you.

The thing is, my love, yes, he was one of a kind. Because he didn't type lyk dis at 15 even though everyone else did because they thought it was school. Because he seemed sophisticated and mature and respectful and smart and polished and well put together and romantic and had a nice voice and never made you feel shit. Until he left.

But you are really just hung up on him because he was the first guy of your age who seemed this way right? Seemed to be at your level. Because you don't feel that way about most people, do you? And this isn't in a narcissistic or holier than thou sort of way. But in a I know I'm weird and exist in some sort of a parallel universe and therefore most people never get me way. Or at least don't make me feel like they do. But he did. And you're just hung up on that feeling, right?

But was he really all that respectful and mature since he ghosted you? And yes after all you both were just foolish kids aged 16 but there has been plenty of time to grow up and realise what happened, right?

He's doing well. That's what his friend said. He said he is finally following his passion and doing something he really wants. And that almost made me cry. Because of course he is that person. And so am I.

It's so clear to me that we were meant to be. And I don't mean as lovers or soulmates. But in each other's lives. But well...were we?

Because hanging up on you when you called him and blocking you on Facebook for almost a decade when all you did was perhaps bruise his ego a little is actually a very dickish move. An ass move. Immature. Inconsiderate. But mostly.... unattached. Yes, you can curse him all you want but the thing that you have to accept, and the one that hurts the most, is that he is unattached. And he has been for a very long time.

But how do I? How do I move on and forget him? I just want an answer. I just want to know. And I also want to talk to him about life. I want to know what he would say to me about how I feel and think now. I want to hear his voice again. I want to meet him and touch his face. But that's not ever happening, is it? I mean, you can get on a flight and go to his hometown and hunt him down but won't he just slam the door on your face? Hasn't he already done that by completely removing you from his life?

Well...I won't say, come on, move on now. Because we both know it won't just happen in this instant. But slowly? Start? One day, you won't even realize it and you would not feel all these feelings for him. And I don't want to give you the unknown and uncertain hope of coming across a guy who will make you feel that way, so I won't. I know this burden is heavy to carry alone. But you can. And then you can sleep.

At least he is doing good. At least you are doing good. For the most part, yes. And that too, is a start.

All my love,

Acceptance is the last step of dealing with grief

But this last step has always been my first one

I have never had a doubt that you loved me

I knew you didn’t

And I had accepted it before even falling for you

But now I seem to go in reverse

i was depressed for a while 

I started bargaining with destiny

And I am angry at myself for not being able to move on