T a t i a n a

*ASK THE CUTIE, BEFORE YOU TOUCH THE BOOTY* Introducing sexual communication and why consent isn’t sexy.

Hey all my lovely bb’s out there! So, I wanna talk to u about consent! I will try get around the topic over a couple of forthcoming posts. I’ll start with an introduction to consent and how it’s advertised in contemporary media. hope u enjoy<3 OK so lets get one thing straigh; consent isn’t sexy - it shouldn’t be sexy – cuz’  bottom line, it’s absolutely crucial. Like, it’s this fucked up idea that the only way to ‘sell’ consent is popular culture, is to ~sex it up~ That the only way to get peoples attention to consent is to primarily link it to the idea of sexiness, of getting laid, of being attractive. And by saying consent is ‘sexy’ we are almost implying that it’s preferable BUT not necessary.  This capitalist idea of *sex sells* is so old and sexist, honestly I think its time to retire #byeee

‘Consent is sexy’ really does play into rape culture. It is focusing on the wrong part of what consent should actually mean. Giving consent means you are trusting someone with your body, your pleasure, trusting someone to respect your boundaries,  to meet your fantasies and limits. Consent is intrinsically linked to other concepts such as respect and consideration for others. It shouldn’t be reduced down to such basic terms as ‘sexy.’ Anything less than fully informed consent is assault. So let’s not dress it up or trivialise it, ok

Rapists don’t rape because consent isn’t sexy enough; they rape because they feel entitled and protected. A rapist believes they are entitled to another persons body, regardless of that persons wishes, and that whatever they do, they can get away with it. We need consent because 1/3 women will experience sexual violence and thats a fact :(

Teaching the importance of consent should be as natural as teaching other common fundamental rights. Like, if we teach someone that sex is an experience to be shared - rather than an an achievement to be made - then it makes sense that they would aspire to mutual satisfaction, and not encourage non-consensual sex. So if we wanna break down a culture that makes and contains rapists, the key isn’t rebranding consent– it’s refreshing our moral understanding and start seeing rights to bodies differently. FYI: access to another person’s body is always a privilege, never a right.

While reading on subject online, sexual consent is mainly defined by a ‘check list’ - heres what I got together: Consent is…. Active…never passive! It’s expressed through words or actions that create mutually understandable permission. Just because a partner didn’t say no, doesn’t mean they have given consent *AKA* the absence of a no does not equal a yes - only “yes” means yes. Consent is never implied. Clothing or an attitude does not determine consent (the term ‘was asking for it’ may seam familiar, aigh?)

Based on equal power if someone is a sleep or in another vulnerable position (i.e underaged, drunk, under your authority, etc.) they cannot consent. A choice we must make sure our partners feel free to say “yes” or “no” without pressure. If we arn’t willing to take “no” for an answer, consent cannot happen. Consent is not obtained through emotional manipulation nor physical violence or threat. Consent is never given under pressure.  

A Process consent requires ongoing conversations with trust. Just because someone says yes to i.e. making out, doesn’t mean they wan’t to do anything else. Consent is freedom to change your mind at any time. Nothing is a given. Consent must be granted every time.

Consensual communication means freely and fully given consent where both persons needs, wants and desires are an integrated part of the interaction ^_^