Untitled

A lot of people have been getting ahold of me privately and asking why Ive been in diapers for most of my life, or how I came to wear 24/7 so I figured I would just be honest and tell everyone. So this is me and my story. Id rather own it than be ashamed of it I suppose.

I was born premature. And developed pretty slowly, milestones took much longer for me than they did for other kids. So tried as she might my mom had difficulty potty training me at an appropriate age. I wasn't potty trained until I was 5 years old and wet the bed till I was 7. This did improve to a degree but I never successfully stopped wetting the bed completely. While it got a bit better (2-4 nights a week vs 4-6 nights a week) I did not stop and over time it only got worse.

Within about a year I was waking up to wet sheets every morning so my mom took me to the doctor, they said because my dad was in the navy on deployment i probably just had childhood seperation anxiety, that it was not uncommon and that I should grow out of it.

At first my mom was just washing my sheets and cleaning me up every morning, this came with scolding and I began to feel very shameful. Eventually my mom told my aunt about it whos daughter was a bedwetter (she wet the bed till she was 19) and my aunt told my mom to put me in some overnight pull ups. My mom insisted that i didnt need it but by the age of 9 after cleaning up pee soaked bed sheets every morning for over a year my mom started putting me in pull ups at bedtime.

About a year later i started having accidents at school it went from once or twice a week initially to 3 to 4 times a day within the span of a year or so. At first my mom was just bringing me clothes, then they started sending me home from school and eventually they told my mom i needed to be seen by a doctor before i could come back.

My doctor said my bladder was small and probably not growing as quickly as the rest of me and that I would grow out of it. The school tried putting me in special needs classes because i missed so much class time due to my bladder and to avoid this and prevent me from missing more school i was required to start wearing pull ups to school, i had to go to the nurse to change at lunch and if i didnt they came and got me from class to ask me if i had had a accident today.

My mom would make me feel bad telling me i should try harder to make it to the bathroom, that there was no excuse for an 11 year old to wear pull ups, her and my doctor tried restricting my fluid intake, timed voiding, nothing to drink 2 hours before bed but nothing worked.

Then a couple years later the daytime incidents decreased immensley though i was still wetting the bed every night. So i no longer needed protection during the day, it was hard and embarrassing though because no one trusted it, when visiting family i was still asked to wear pull ups to protect the furniture, or on long car rides or on errands my mom and dad still made me wear one "just in case".

By 13, after 2 years of wearing pull ups all day I was out of pull ups during the day completely but still wore them everynight for bed time as the bedwetting continued.

At 14 I was raped by a friend. After that It was like a switch flipped, i was soaking my pull ups everynight to the point of leaking, i was having multiple accidents during the day at home at school wherever. So my mom and aunt (who was now living with us) got me some youth/adolescent diapers for bed so i wouldnt leak anymore and were bringing me changes of clothes to school. Eventually my aunt came and brought me a pull up to school one day when i called and she told me that they wouldnt be coming up here anymore. (If I remember correctly the school had talked to my mother and explained that like, a student couldn't be coming to school and wetting her pants everyday) I argued and cried telling her i was 14 in highschool and i didnt need to wear those anymore and she said clearly you do we cant keep coming up here everyday, so i put it on. I came home that day to find 4 new packs of pull ups on my bed and was told to put one on before school tomorrow and everyday after that until I was able to make it to the bathroom. But i didnt. I had an accident at school called my mom and she refused to bring me clothes. I sat in the nurses office in pee soaked blue jeans for the rest of the day, the principal and teachers and tons of students saw me and then after school was over i walked a mile home (down the main road) so pretty much everyone in town saw me. I never went to school without a pull up after that.

Eventually the accidents became much more severe and much more frequent and pull ups no longer worked for me. So My mother bought to6uth/adolescent diapers and Ive been in diapers ever since.

When I got with my fiance he encouraged me to see a urologist which I had never done and turns out all those years there was actually something wrong with me! I was diagnosed with Mixed incontinence which is a combination of stress incontinence as well as urge incontinence (overactive bladder).

Mixxed incontinence can present differently in different people but for me it causes bedwetting, frequent urges to pee, involuntary loss of urine, inability to control urine, bladder spasms and frequent urine leakage.

Obviously being unable to conntrol my bladder and having a frquent involuntary loss of urine renders me pretty dependent on wearing protection 24/7. So I have been padded for most of the last 16 years.

So thats how I came to wear diapers and why.

I did have periods where I was able to some degree to control my bladder or minimize accidents however over the last 2 years what bladder control I did have has completely diminished. I have had urodynamic tests manual muscle pelvic floor muscle tests as well as manometry teating done that show that my pelvic floor muscles do not respond like they should. To hold urine you need to be able to tense/contract the pelvic floor muscles and i do not have the ability to do that.

Obviously wearing 24/7 all the time can get spendy but is unavoidable as it is absolutely neccessary for me to have a functional life.

I have a wishlist with some items that would greatly help me out so i can co tinue to maintain and manage as best as I can and as comfortably as possible.

😍