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@dianiniiiii
Bat kaya may mga moments pa din na nagdadalawang isip ka sa status mo kahit kahapon lang e masaya ka naman?
Masaya naman ako and grateful sa work ko pero recently, I want more. More sahod that is.
Dumadalas din yung moments na feeling ko I'm not doing enough. That I can do better.
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Hoyyyy grabe naman pagmanifest koooo.
Parang a week after my last post, we applied for a car loan and got approved after 1 week. Days later, nilabas namin yung car.
2 weeks na kaming may kotse gais. My husband grew up in a family na hindi nagkaron ng sasakyan. It was his ultimate dream and he shared na before we got married, he started questioning whether magkakasasakyan pa ba sya. I’m so happy we have a car but happier because of how this achievement fulfills my husband’s dream. Iba yung happiness seeing him learn how to drive in a short amount of time and how happy he is that he can get to places nang hindi na nabibilad sa araw. Magastos sa gas but worth it.
Ang dami kong gustong achievin this year. Nalulula ako thinking about all of it pero pag napanghihinaan ako nang loob, shinishift ko yung mindset ko reminding myself na I deserve better things in life.
May napanood ako na from a religious point of view saying na when you want something, you pray for it to happen and then you work hard to make it happen. I think same din sya sa theory ng manifesting. You manifest something to happen in your life by thinking of that certain thing as the truth and then you act as if you already have that. So kung gusto ko magkaron ng car, I should act as if it’s already on my way and prepare for it. Act as if I’m already an owner. If I want to have a busy business with tons of orders, I should already plan my calendar well as if I have tons of things to plot.
I pray for all our plans to materialize this year.
Logging back in after almost a month of not working due to medical reason.
Ayoko na magnight shift, gais. Welp.
When this year started, I told myself that I will start taking care of my health. My body, despite being fat and fed with unhealthy meals, had helped me survived the pandemic season scot free. I feel like it finally deserve the attention it needed but sometimes, life happens and just when you started being health-conscious, a bunch of shenanigans start to happen. Let me take you on this 2023 first quarter’s ganap.
First on my list was tonsillectomy. I grew up with large sets of tonsils that gets inflammed easily. Pag may tonsilitis ako memsh kahit laway ang hirap lunukin. Ganun sya kalala. I was told by two ENTs to consider removing it but I was hella scared. One of the main reason I chose to finally remove it was my sleep apnea. Lately, I kept waking up gasping for air and it got me scared. I don’t want to die young ‘no. One day, my throat got irritated and I thought I had tonsilitis. Turns out, wala naman. It was uncomfortable nonetheless. I asked my ENT about tonsillectomy and we started planning the whole thing. The week after my birthday, I was scheduled for my operation. Surprisingly, I was calm the entire process. I can feel my mother in law panicking (she hates hospital and stuff) but I was calm. I was injected with different things, but I was calm AF. A part of me was like, BISSSSSSS u stronggg. But really, I was okay. I was more worried about dying due to blood loss and my husband hating me for going through an “unnecessary” operation lol. Long story short, I survived that and healed fast.
2 weeks after operation, I was given a fit to work medical certificate and went on my merry way. It was just in time for our Annual Leadership Summit and I was excited to be back and meet my virtual workmates in person. The company book a hotel and I was sharing it with my long time friend. During the 4-day event, she fell sick with fever and cough. I was kinda taking care of her, making sure we have enough water in the room and ordered for medicine and food when needed. It was already a bad sign considering I just came from a medical leave myself but I was worried of her. Towards the end of the event, my throat started feeling itchy then fever sets in. We were back to normal working hours but I only managed to report for 2 days before my body fell. I was out the entire week but still hopeful I’ll be back the following week.
Present time: I’m still not well. I’m still coughing but no fever. I have no voice due to dry cough, I guess. I was ready to login tonight but early this morning, I felt my like my right eye was sore. My husband told me it might be due eye constraint and to take some rest. We slept but when I woke up in the afternoon, it was red with sticky thingyyy. Effin sore eyes. I still pushed through and logged in because I know that our team needs me. Ending? My director forced me to log out and take some rest.
You see, when you started being mindful of your health, your body panics and starts to malfunction. Moral lesson? Stop being healthy… chs. I still plan on working on my health journey. Pray for my fast recovery? :)
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Isa talaga sa malaking guilt and insecurity ko sa relation namin ni bebi e yung pagiging tamad ko sa gawaing bahay. After a long day of work, I get so drained emotionally and mentally na ayoko nalang kumilos afterwards pero si bebi lagi nya ko pinaghahanda ng kung anong gusto ko. I am so grateful but also worried kase what if mapagod sya mga ganong bagay. Despite me feeling guilt, I’m so drained pa din.
One day while bebi was cooking, I realized I shouldn’t feel guilty kase really we complement each other. There are things he doesn’t mind doing for me and some things I’m doing for him. Like, sya sa mga gawaing bahay and ako sa finances. Budgeting, paying the bills, basta usapang pera covered ko na. Ganun naman sa relasyon diba? Give and take. Sya sa iba, ikaw sa iba.
Ang busy netong linggong ‘to, gagi. Kahapon lang wala na kong chance magbreak. Ubos na ubos na brain cells ko, gais. Di ko alam san huhugot ng energy to socialize to other people. Welp.
Two of the leads from my roster will be moved due to headcount reduction. Bittersweet pero I’d like to think that I did everything I can to prepare them for any challenges they might face in the future. Though different yung reason ng movement nila, I truly hope and pray for the best.
Ang emotional ko today.
Namatay kahapon yung asawa ng dati kong trainee. Ang bata pa nya, mga nasa 30s lang siguro. Matagal na silang live-in tapos last year lang sila nagpakasal. Namatay sya days before their first wedding anniversary. My trainee was so hurt, obviously, and nakikita ko mga posts nya. Mataas yung empathy ko and I can’t help but put myself in her shoes. Naisip ko kung ako yung nasa position nya, I wouldn’t be as strong as her. I would’ve probably died of heartache. I can’t imagine surviving this lifetime kung di ko kasama si bebi. It’s an unthinkable world and I wouldn’t want to live in it.
When tragic incidents like this happens, ang lakas makapraning sa totoo lang. It makes you realize that our time here can really be short. We’re not really promised tomorrow. Love deeply, friends.
Pag ako yung manager on duty pag weekend, wala talaga ko tinatrabaho lol.
Let me explaaaain. Nakakapagod naman kase yung nagtrabaho na ko nang limang araw tapos papasok pa ko ng weekend so 6 days na kong dire-diretso nagwork. Di na po kaya ng braincells ko mga mumshie huehuehue. Kaya naman pag weekend na’t kelangan ko tumao sa tindahan, tamang social media lang tayo. Wag lang papahuli mga ganorn. Check-check sa everyone kung buhay pa sila at may need ba. Kung wala, back to cellphone hehe.
Ngayong weekend tho, medyo iba. May mga mangilan-ngilan kase kong need pirmahan tapos yung schedule bidding namin ako gumawa nung report. Happy naman ako sa reporting aspect kase yun talaga mga bet ko, pero at the same time sakit ng ulo ko.
Sana masaya weekend nyoooo.
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Ang hirap pag andami mong gustong gawin.
Gusto ko maggym, pero gusto ko din magbinge watch, pero nagugutom din ako kase pagod sa work, pero gusto ko din manood ng Reels, pero gusto ko din magsulat, pero gusto ko din magbasa… gaaaaaaah!!!
Habang sinusulat ko ‘to, naalala ko yung mga napapanood kong nagpaplanner or digital planning. Baka makatulong sakin yun para magawa yung bajillion things na gusto ko gawin hehe.
Hay, puro rant, gorl.
My dad and I once had a disagreement over him using the adage "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
I said, "That's just not true. Sometimes what doesn't kill you leaves you brittle and injured or traumatized."
He stopped and thought about that for a while. He came back later, and said, "It's like wood glue."
He pointed to my bookshelf, which he helped me salvage a while ago. He said, "Do you remember how I explained that, once we used the wood glue on them, the shelves would actually be stronger than they were before they broke?"
I did.
"But before we used the wood glue, those shelves were broken. They couldn't hold up shit. If you had put books on them, they would have collapsed. And that wood glue had to set awhile. If we put anything on them too early, they would have collapsed just the same as if we'd never fixed them at all. You've got to give these things time to set."
It sounded like a pretty good metaphor to me, but one thing I did pick up on was that whatever broke those shelves, that's not the thing that made them stronger. That just broke them. It was being fixed that made them stronger. It was the glue.
So my dad and I agreed, what doesn't kill you doesn't actually make you stronger, but healing does. And if you feel like healing hasn't made you stronger than you were before, you're probably not done healing. You've got to give these things time to set.
Grabe yung ilang beses akong huminto sa Tumblr tapos pag everything is falling apart, dito ko laging bumabalik.
Di ko alam kung ako lang pero I kinda like na little to none yung nakikipaginteract sa’kin dito kase minsan masarap yung feeling na you’re not being seen. Kase kung di ka seen, walang mangjajudge sa’yo. Walang magsasabe na mali yung feelings mo or magcocorrect ng stupid outlook mo. Baga eto yung virtual version nung pagsigaw ng mga tao sa Sagada - some might hear it, pero generally, deadma sa Japan. Sana nagmemakes sense ako hehe.
Dami kong feels sa work and sa Holiday season na ‘to. May mga unresolved feelings ako na gusto kong idump para lang makapagrelease.
PS. Also, bumili kase ko ng Magic Keyboard and need ko ijustify kay bebi na worth it kase lagi ko gamit huehue.
Day 1: What’s on my mind
Sobrang daming tumatakbo sa isip ko. Ang daming information online. Nakakalula minsan ‘no?
Internet is definitely a rabbit hole. Feeling ko kung hindi ako mindful sa paggamit neto, malulunod lang ako sa kung ano-anong shit na makikita dito and before I know it, isang b’wan na ang nakalipas. Wala akong nagawa. Nasayang ang araw ko.
I always try to remind myself that time is the most expensive currency pero minsan sobrang hirap dahil sa distractions online.
Sobrang dami kong gustong achievin. Ang dami kong ideas. Ang dami kong gustong aralin. Kailangan ko na siguro ng strict checklist at stringent action plan kung gusto kong may patunguhan.
Kayo? Kamusta naman?
Nagsusulat ako ng kung ano-anong shizz ngayon. Akshuli last week pa. Writer talaga ang pangarap ko mula pa bata pero medyo insecure ako sa skills ko at hindi ko na sinundan. Ngayon, medyo narekindle sya so pinasusundan ko lang.
Nasa panget na draft pa ko at ang goal ko lang muna ay matapos ‘yung book. Sana ko na iaadjust. Ang dami pang cringy part and korning linyahan pero feeling ko kelangan ko malabas muna lahat sa sistema ko para mas maging kumportable ako.
Sana may magbasa diba hahahaha
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Effort ko talaga mag-aral at mag-enroll sa mga online courses pero may mga panahon talagang napangungunahan ako ng takot. Nagsesecond doubt ako sa sarili kong kakayahan and although alam kong dapat hindi, di ko malabanan.
Hirap pala pag may nahanap kang sobrang passionate ka. You start to believe na it's promising and all tapos habang ginagawa mo na, inuunti-unti kang kainin ng self doubt mo. Nakakaloko lang.
