lacrimosa.

@diamcnte // continued

     Antarc has dealt with plants and delved into Rutile’s medicinal socks before, but this place looks so much different in the warmer months. And living flowers are something else entirely. But Antarc likes learning, their lonely job requiring them to become a jack of all trades (or something like that), so they lean over the proceedings with interest and a very serious air.

     The advice gets a nod in response. “I see. Is there… a function?” They had simply wanted to learn what Dia was up to… maybe it is a good way to grow flowers? It’s pretty, at least. Careful to avoid contact with Dia (that would be a nasty shatter), a hand delicately moves flowers along the edge, pushing to ensure they are all free to feed off the sun. There. That’s better. “It is pretty. If this is a crown, are there other shapes you know how to make?”

    “Come on, you don’t have to be so stiff.” Their finger ran along the side of the vase, gently admiring it while their eyes traveled to the other- their gentle, careful touches were somewhat endearing. That was Antarc’s nature, after all, careful and calculating. Dia couldn’t blame them, no, with the job they had, careful measurements and precision were essential. If anything, it was only admirable.

     “It would be easier if it were less sudden.” Perhaps this is petulance, but Antarc has seen the changing of the seasons as winter gives way to spring. It’s gradual, slow changes in the level of snow, the plants that can peek in between the snow drifts. Snowdrop flowers bloom over time– there is no night where Antarc rests and when they rise to work the outdoors has suddenly shifted from heavy snow and thick screeching ice to grass and unfurling flowers. It’s like a gradient.

     But with gems, it seems as if things change with fantastic magnitude fantastically quickly. “There’s no acclimation, things only are or are not. I don’t know how you all have gotten through the disappearances of gems to the moon.” It seemed incredible, horrifying, to Antarc every time it happened, and they have only ever had superficial conversations (if that!) with the others. 

     “It is what I’ve been told of you. It seems accurate.”

     There is Diamond, a bit of a… strange… older sibling, but gentle. That is what was passed around, and they seemed so soft when Antarc saw them in the hibernation rooms. Strange, for a gem with such a powerful hardness to look soft, but Diamond manages. (Diamond is a pale gem like Antarcticite themself, but in the light they are so much more colourful. A veritable rainbow of glittering.) 

    “I don’t know either, to be honest. Everything really is so sudden, it’s a little scary.” Their tone was soft, but it was just barely tense enough to express a bit of the sadness they felt just thinking about it. Yes, it was true, immortal beings such as themselves had seen many things come and go, but that was the natural course of living things, like flowers, or grass, or the color of the sky. For a person who had spoken, and thought, and wished, and dreamed to just be gone, all like that...it left a pit in their stomach that kept widening.

    “Oh, I don’t know what to say besides thank you. It’s all just manners, right? After all, if you’re never kind, other people won’t return the favor when you’re in trouble, that’s what I always say.” Perhaps, they wished for something else- yes, to be more like Bortz, that was what they desired. A powerful battle maniac who always got the job done, who you always called in trouble. To think that their little sibling was so much more powerful than them, a solid diamond.

    Of course, that wasn’t Bortz’s fault. They were just doing their best, they were just doing their job. But that didn’t mean Dia didn’t still wish to surpass them. Their expression betrayed none of their internal dialogue, smiling and warm as ever. Yes, they supposed they had a reputation- gentle, soft, warm and kind, that was Dia.

Of course they do. They’ll want one thing, then they’ll want another, and another, until the moons fall and the sun’s first light peeks over the horizon. Their lip curls, undoubtedly a precursor to some biting remark, but they shake their head instead. No, if Diamond is so insistent on their company, then they’ll allow it.

It’s for Diamond’s sake, they tell themself. Diamond’s sake alone.

“You’re impossible.” They sigh, and place a hand on their hip. “Alright, what is it you want?”

    “Well, now that you’ve put all this pressure on me, I’m a little nervous.” They let out a laugh, warm and gentle, and for a moment, tension enters their frame- just a slight before it’s quickly masked, even a hint of discomfort hidden away by their ever-present smile.

    “Are you nervous? It’s not too hard.” They laughed a little, but stared at the ground- in these spring months, Dia was feeling rather energetic, but there was no doubt in their mind that it was the exact opposite for the other, simply based on their constitution.

    “It sure feels like that, doesn’t it?” They would’ve laughed if they had the energy to, but Dia’s capacity to act like everything was alright was quickly running out. Not when everything they knew was so quickly turning upside-down.

    Yes, that’s what it was- the heavens simply opened up, and out came an early doomsday- creatures that might have looked heavenly if they hadn’t taken away gem after gem. Sometimes in front of their eyes, sometimes not. Either way, it always hurt.

hi

That’s a loaded question. Diamond knows the answer. They know they do. Part of Cinnabar wants to think that they just want to see them squirm; another doesn’t think they’re capable of doing something like that.

(They’re so much better than Cinnabar, after all.)

“It comes naturally.”

They cross their arms. “It’s just what’s best, isn’t it?” Don’t make me say it out loud, Dia! “There’s no point in anything else. It’s not like it matters.”

     “You shouldn’t think like that, you know? It’s not good for you.” This came out in a murmur, what might’ve been a fraction of a laugh if they could muster up the energy to. The night was beginning to catch up to them, but they didn’t want to go before they could have at least one conversation with Cinnabar. A nice one.

     It still scares Antarc, too. For different reasons, of course, but still scary. They almost say this, their mouth opens, but all that comes out is an exhale. They haven’t told anyone that they’re afraid, not even Sensei. 

     They’re afraid that they’re useless now. With Phos so strong, so changed, so determined, and with Antarc so incredibly fragile even in the depths of winter. Sensei told them to only break the fragile ice. Sensei told them to take it easy. Because Phos would be taking over. And suddenly Antarc had lost the job and the strength they had kept for thousands of years.

     It’s scary. It’s very scary. 

     “I’ve been trying to say it’s not so bad, but I can’t do anything, so…. It feels like suddenly, things have become very different to how they always were, even to me.” Who knows what it must be like to the people who are awake to watch their friends deal with sudden strange events, instead of just hearing about them secondhand.

     The suggestion makes Antarc perk up, if not out of interest then at least out of their reprieve. They nod seriously in response. “I’ll ask Sensei and Rutile if they think it’s a good idea. Thank you, Dia. You… deserve your reputation as a kind gem.”

      “I think...I know how you feel.” Being diamonds, Yellow was the fastest, and Dia was the strongest. Then Bortz came along, and suddenly, they felt so incapable. It’s funny how things change so fast, for the better or the worse, no matter how hard you try to keep everything the same. Life keeps moving on, even if you don’t want to, they thought, with a little hum, eyes aimed at the ground as they steepled their fingers in front of their chest.

     “It’s probably worse for you than it is for me, though. I’m... I suppose it happens to the best of us, doesn’t it? Everything changes so fast sometimes, even when it’s been the same way forever.” The easiest days were their earliest, what could be called a ‘childhood’ when you don’t have an adulthood in the first place.       People were gone, they disappeared, they were taken, but never in front of Dia’s eyes. Never people they knew. Never anyone they would miss, because they only heard of them by name. Probably the same way Antarc only knew them by name. Strangely enough, the way Dia themselves had matured reminded them of that abrupt change in Phos’ eyes- they were too delicate to handle it. Too much happened at once.

“… A little.” Though if they’d expected anyone to try and see how they were doing, it’d definitely be them.

As indifferent as Cinnabar tries to seem, they can’t bring themself to reject Diamond outright. They’re surprised but undoubtedly happy, in their own way, and that’s a feeling they aren’t equipped to deal with.

“I’m the same as I’ve always been. You can draw your own conclusions from that, I’m sure.”

      Well, that was expected. They would say Cinnabar’s consistent self-hatred was shocking, but in a way, they could relate to it- they just weren’t as obtuse about it as the other was. Maybe because they weren’t the one made of poison, unsatisfied as they were with their strength.

     “I can.” Really, no matter how bad things got, they couldn’t say any gem was as unfortunate as Cinnabar. They had the right to be angry. Dia just wished they could try to help.