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I'm so upset. I was trying to check my blog yesterday and it's been deactivated! I have had that blog for at least a decade! I used it to study and post things from undergrad through residency! Now it's all gone. Having a study blog is so helpful because it allows you to easily and quickly pull up whatever you're trying to reference with tags. I emailed tumblr asking them why they deactivated my account. If I posted something they thought violates their rules, then why couldn't they just remove said posts instead of deleting the entire fucking thing? If they don't reactivate it, I'm starting all over with this blog. I'm so mad.

I'm so mad that tumblr deleted my study blog. I tried checking it yesterday and it said my account was deactivated.

My little sister is so annoying. She always makes messes and doesn't know how to clean up. I just cleaned up olive oil that she spilled all over the counter. Every time she uses the olive oil, she gets is all over the bottle. She doesn't know how to clean up. She can't even wash dishes properly. She's so annoying. That's why I don't like her. I need my own place. I keep everything clean and neat and tidy. Nobody else ever does that. Ughh.🙄

I watched this Turkish show on Netflix called The Gift. My sister was watching it. So we watched together. The characters Cansu and Ozan always have a failed relationship in every timeline. It made me sad how it ended with him dying. I cried. It made me feel really sad. I feel like that. Like I’m never going to be with the person I want to be with. It made me think of Phoebe and Cole in Charmed. In the end, Cole is basically in purgatory but he loves Phoebe and wants her to be happy. He’s the reason she doesn’t give up on love. And she never even knows it. It made me cry. I’m sad. 😢

Lol. I'm reading my own blog and can see that I seem like a mean and angry woman. But I'm not. I just use this blog to rant. I'm actually excited about graduating. My board exam is on Saturday. Hope I pass!

I got a message yesterday from someone I swiped right on a while ago. He seems really nice. He’s handsome and vegan. He doesn’t live near me. We have both been on the site for years. I just think it’s hard for everyone. And it doesn’t even matter how attractive you are or how good of a person you are or how much you have going for yourself or how much you have to offer. None of that makes it easier. There are just not enough good options out there. Quality men are damn near impossible to find. Whenever I go on these apps and start swiping, I see again how shitty the options are. I feel disappointed, but it also reminds me that there are just hardly any good options and I’d rather be single than settle.

I'm watching YouTube videos about decentering men. I used to wish I had a boyfriend or husband. They always disappoint me. So I stopped caring about that. I'm actually finding myself not really wanting to even date anymore. I am excited about my future. I'm excited about my career, getting my dream home, and doing my hobbies. I don't see a man in my future and I'm actually ok with it. We don't need men to be happy. And most of them are revealing themselves to be horrible people. I'm tired of men's misogyny. Most of them are rude, nasty, and do not respect women. They're getting left behind. And I don't feel sorry for them. Just live your best life and do things to make yourself happy. Any man worth entertaining will only make your life better. If a man doesn't bring you peace and add value to your life, do not deal with him! I love seeing women just enjoying their lives without worrying about men. We can be happy and thrive without the attention of men. Nothing but goddess energy!😄💃🏾✨️

I dreamt about one of my co-residents last night. He's nice and attractive. But he has a girlfriend and I don't want to date anyone I work with anyway. He's friendly so I'm not going to assume he's interested in me. But when he started, he shook my hand (which I didn't think was necessary at the time because we had already met). He hugged me when we had a resident outing recently. He always greets me. I wish I could find someone who is attractive, intelligent, and a good person. Men usually let me down. And most are rude, nasty, and don't respect women. I know I'm better off single. But I am often lonely. I wish for romantic love. But I'm not going to hold my breath.

I got very angry waiting to pick up my order at Staples. It should've been a quick in and out pick up, but they didn't have enough staff and the people who were there had no idea what they were doing. That aggravated me. And the fact that so many men end up sucking always aggravates me. 😒 But whatever. I'm on the treadmill at the gym. Then I'm going to go home, undo my braids, wash my hair, cook, finish laundry, and review these new wigs I got...