@dgrigori​ whispered… “ the memories hurt the most. ”

                     The truth always stings - but the honesty in his statement almost sent Clary spiraling down, the memory she tried so hard to forget starting to dance through her mind once again - like a movie reel. Her mother’s face was etched into her memory - not like she ever could have forgotten it anyway, but now it was tainted. Rather than remembering her mother’s laugh, her eyes, her hugs…now all Clary saw when she thought of her is the lifeless body on the floor, the blood that stained Alec’s hands and the bedroom. It had been like all the light had gone out of Jocelyn Fairchild, and to make matters worse, the tragedy happened just hours after she had begged Clary to come to idris with her. The regret hung over the redhead every minute of every day - if she had said yes, they could have escaped all of this, started a new life. Clary’s hesitation had cost her mother her life - though this wasn’t entirely true, that was what the girl believed; so no matter what anybody said, the blame was on her - and the weight that came with it would be carried around until her final days. 

                     Clary tried to keep a positive spin on things, all the time - but right here and now, it seemed she was able for once to actually speak her mind; no matter how sad those thoughts may be. She sank down to sit on the floor, pulling her knees up to her chest for some sort of comfort, green eyes fixed on the spot in front of her legs. She didn’t want to look at him - then he’d see the darkness behind her eyes, the hopelessness…no, she couldn’t stand that. She’d rather pretend she was doing a decent job at hiding it, for she didn’t realize that the emotions were written all across her features. 

                  “Yes…yes, they do hurt. Too much sometimes.” Despite all her efforts, her voice still trembled - her hands were shaking as well, so she linked them together to try and steady them. “But I think what hurts more is…when you see something they would like, or accomplish something they’d be proud of. Just for that moment, a single second, you forget that they’re gone. You turn around to search for them, to talk to them…and suddenly everything crashes down around you all over again.” Real positive, Clary. She ignored the little voice in her head because right now it felt like she had no energy for positive affirmations. A piece of her was gone too - would it ever come back? She forced her eyes up to his, the question on her mind slipping out before her better judgement could argue against it. “Do you think it ever stops hurting? Will this hole in my life ever stitch shut?” Perhaps it wasn’t fair to expect him to know what to say - but Clary couldn’t take it back now. 

             Ah  .  Grief   .  It was a well known friend of Daniel’s. All too well. The pain on her features made his own crinkle in slight anguish. Humans should not ignore their emotions for they could also be a strength. He’s seen it plenty of times. A strength and a weakness. Like there was darkness and there was light. No matter how dark it had gotten for him. . .there was always light, there was always hope. 

               He            could feel his throat tighten as he began remembering Lucinda; how she loved peonies, how she liked to eat certain foods, picky about certain biscotti back in Helston, and how in every life she would chase after him and he would cave. . .soon as he caved in she was always, always gone. Pressing his lips firmly together he fought the urge to shed tears for this soul - - - this fiery soul who cried out for the one she’s lost. As a Watcher, it was his job to guide those souls. 

              Kneeling           down to her eye-view he placed his hand on Clary’s. There was a softness about him, a safe-place sort of sensation. Entire bodice seemed as if it were aglow with an iridescent violet shimmer; the light reflecting off what looked as if it were wings coming from his back, but some would rub it off as a play-on-the-eyes.  ❝ No matter what, do not lose hope. Just when you think it’s over there’s a sliver of hope just around the corner. I don’t want to sugar coat it. The feeling of being hurt. . .only you have the power to overcome it. Please, don’t give up.  ❞

A F T E R         the incident with Juilian, Daniel had stayed within his room for an abundant amount of time. Lucile had showed up after hearing what happened and came to bring him comfort; to ease the screaming of his soul. There wasn’t anything Daniel could keep from his Parabatai - - - he disliked keeping secrets. Even when someone spoke a lie he would always have this habit of smacking his lips as if he could taste the vile words. He’d told Lucile how he had feelings for Emma and she could see how much it hurt him. Daniel was one to feel so deeply more than others, to care, to give. 

W I T H   ,  so many things going on with him lately it made him feel as if he were going insane. Lucile had told him the same was happening with her but the voices she was hearing were ones that were the most volatile. They played on her anger and frustrations, her temperament. It was odd, this life. He’d rather just be a mere mortal; no powers, no special abilities, not having to worry about loving someone with a curse. . .

           EVERYTHING WAS A HUGE BLUR   after that.   it took a while for emma to process what was actually going on.   one second julian was in her face yelling,   & the next,   daniel was there,   checking her from head to toe,   making sure that she was okay.   the blonde was far from it.   how could her parabatai have acted that way towards her??   it was jules,   her other half,    the person she’d known since they were children.   he was her safety blanket when the world around her seemed to crumble.   it stung to the core seeing him behave this way towards her.    even his coldness towards the children had been hard to witness.   jules,   who was like a father figure to them,   who would move the heavens if only it meant keeping them safe.   emma felt sick to her stomach.   she felt like a frozen statue,   unable to move.   finally,   everything was starting to slowly come back & she realized that julian had been thrown across the room,  he was barely moving.   her heart sank.  ‘julian!’   the blonde rushed passed daniel & to her parabatai’s side.   fingers brushed through those beautiful curls of his that she loved.   the blonde quickly pulled her stele out & drew a healing iratze upon his arm.   ‘jules,   please be okay.’   she whispered.   finally,   ocean blue eyes opened,   & for a second,   she saw him,   her jules,   her soft   &   loving julian.   & he stared at her with worry,   examining her as if to check for any injuries,   injuries he might have inflicted upon her,  but emma knew that he would never.   even in the state of mind that he was in,   julian would never harm her.    ‘hey, you okay?’   her voice tender  &  loving.  he  gazed up  &   saw daniel.   the anger in his eyes returning.   he then stood up  &  stormed out of the room without saying a word.   emma just watched,   golden hues filled with S A D N E S S.   she wanted to go after him but knew it wasn’t a good idea.   finally her attention averted to daniel,  whom she completely forgot was still standing there.   suddenly,   anger filled her bones.   she sat up slowly.  ‘what were you thinking?!   you could’ve seriously hurt him,   he wasn’t going to do anything to me!’   part of her felt guilty for taking out her anger & frustration on daniel.   he was just trying to help,   but any person who inflicts harm upon her parabatai would be met by a very rage driven blonde.   she had deep rooted feelings for daniel,  but julian was literally a part of her,   their bond was unbreakable. 

G R E A T  J O B,  D.      You were always great with fixing other peoples’s relationships and not your own. You never change, even in this life. . .  Voices rang through his mind. Was this some sort of Parabatai thing ? That voice had a familiarity to it. Something about it made his blood boil and his hands clench. The grey color in his eyes turning stormy.  Daniel’s heart felt as if it were a rock that someone had just thrown aside - - - the way Emma looked at Julian was different than how she looked at him. It was that same look he gave Lucile.  .  .

O H  H U N , you have a choice in this life. You can chose who you want to love now, Daniel. Please, choose to be happy. The soothing southern voice began calming his mind, erasing the heated look in his eyes. Just what in the hell was going on ? Daniel returned Julian’s gaze with a somber expression - - - it was an expression that a young man his age shouldn’t be making. A look that spoke of eons and eons of sadness and heartbreak. Suddenly, as soon as that sadness came, it went. Replaced by a cold and guarded expression he met her anger with a distant gaze.  ❝ That hole in the wall proves otherwise. ❞ He wanted to scream at her, I don’t even know what’s happening to me ! I hear voices that aren’t mine and I can see things that no normal Shadowhunter can see !

plotted starter for @dgrigori​ 

            HE WAS ANGRY.   she wanted to reach out for him,   but knew it wasn’t a good idea.   ‘jules,   he didn’t know this was your art room.   he wouldn’t do this deliberately to upset you,   it was an accident.’  her attempt to calm him down had quite the opposite effect.  his breathing was heavy,  fists clenched.   ‘jules, please   —–   why are you acting like this??’   he practically screams it out,   all the rage bundled up inside finally unleashed.   he was jealous.   he was jealous of daniel  & their relationship.  tell him it isn’t true,   tell him you’re just friends,  the voice inside of her head shouted  —–  tell him & this will all be over.   nothing came out,   emma just stared into his sharp icy hues.  she couldn’t tell him that,   because it wasn’t true.  emma,  what about us?  the desperation in his voice killed her,  she could feel her heart breaking into two.   ‘jules,  we can’t be together.  you know that.  the curse…’  before she could get anymore words out,  he had her pinned against the wall.  i don’t care about the stupid curse !!  he shouted.   emma tensed all over,  this wasn’t her jules.  this anger towards her,   julian would never.  ‘julian,  stop it.’  suddenly,   his fist collided with the wall right next to her face.   emma flinched before screaming his name.   this wasn’t him,   by the angel,   what was happening to her parabatai??    was the curse already effecting him? 

T H E R E              he stood, frozen. Grey colored eyes watched the change taking place before him that was happening within Julian. Well, now he knew his curiosity was going to get him if not Emma killed. He’d never seen Julian react this way; the once calm, collected, and strong Julian now bowing down to jealousy and hatred. He had taken notice of how others began talking of someone in the Blackthorn family being an artist but he didn’t realize who it was. . .until now. Such detail, love, patience, and care were put into all of those paintings that it made Daniel’s soul cry. 

Open your eyes, Daniel   a coo of words echoing in his mind caused him to actually see; around Juilan was an extremely bright green aura. As Daniel witnessed the scene, the visage of the neon colored aura brought back a memory; bright green eyes filled with malice, snake coiled around a wrist . Save her .  Protect her  .    The words were a woman’s soft whisper, almost like a hand cradled his head as a storm raged on. It was through that calming moment he regained a missing part of himself. The part that stood up against that which was tainted with evil. 

W I T H O U T     hesitation, Daniel had grabbed Julian by the back of the collar of his shirt and with strength unknown to him threw the other boy across the room. The flecks of violet in those storm-colored eyes looked as if it were spreading. His attention was all on Emma as his eyes bored into hers, assessing if there were any injuries. His voice echoed off the walls, mighty and righteous and his gaze never leaving hers.  ❝ Why do you try to hurt the one that you care for ? What is more precious to you, Julian ? Your parabatai or being stripped of your Marks and losing the only life you have ?! You have people who care for you ! Who worry about you yet here you stand,   ❞ he turned around to face the other, his anger passionately burning but made no move to harm,  ❝ Worry less about your jealousy and more of your brothers and sisters ! They’re worried about you !  ❞ 

              HE DIDN’T QUITE FIT IN  —–  she knew all too well how that felt.   there it was,   the urge to make sure he didn’t feel alone.    if it weren’t for julian,   emma certainly would have felt it.   her parent’s were dead,   no other family to turn to.   then there he was,    j u l e s.   & her life had meaning again.   she could not have asked for a better parabatai.    emma wanted to check in on their new visitor.   with all the rumors circulating around the institute about him,   it was no wonder he’d rather be locked away in a room with some peace & quiet.   ‘just thought you might be hungry.’   she placed the plate with a peanut butter & jelly sandwich on the table, before flaunting a friendly smile in the male’s direction.   ‘i don’t think we’ve officially met  —–   i’m emma carstairs.’  the bags under the stranger’s eyes were an evident sign that he had not been sleeping.   a hard adjustment perhaps.   emma remembered how that felt.   trying hard to stay awake because once asleep,   the unbearable nightmares came out to play.   ‘i brought you some hot chocolate.   i don’t drink coffee,  & have no idea how to make it.’  how could anyone drink that dreadful stuff,   she thought to herself before flaunting a sympathetic smile at him.   ‘i understand if you wanna be alone.   i’ll just leave these here & be on my way.’

A l o n e  .       This was something that brought him a semblance of peace. Daniel had come to this strange world by a man he never met yet the warlock claimed to know him - - - all confusing times, a lot to take in. The young man eyed the food before reaching for a slice of it. A small nod towards the blonde,  ❝ Thank you. I’m Daniel Grigori. It’s nice too meet you, Emma. ❞ He didn’t know why but her features; blonde hair, eyes a little too dark, and an atmosphere that spoke of don’t piss this one off seemed to make his soul quiver, ache. As if. . .there was someone else who had that same aura about them but he couldn’t remember the name. 

T A K I N G                a bite of the first part of the sandwich, he began rearranging the supplies around him. It was as if he had a case of OCD but really he was anxious. He was restless. The most recent artwork he did was pinned to the wall; two angels, one female and one male, a demon behind her with his gnarled hands around her waist. the male angel was reaching forth to take her hand as if to yank her away from such evil. It was merely a rough draft at best. 

the more you think about it, the more this fits. 

Daniel: . . .

Arriane: The C in your name stands for Cunt and the B stands for Bitch. See? You're so special you get two nicknames Cammy !

❝ If you’re here to tell me about myself I don’t already know, feel free to do so but,  ❞  a quick rumple of papyrus paper was made into a ball as he tossed it into the trash can,  ❝ please spare me the theatrics of me once being an angel because it’s not possible. ❞     A sharp retort for one with a troubled, sleepless mind.       He was never rude with those he didn’t know.       Daniel had a heart of gold, extremely generous towards people even if they didn’t deserve it. Not once during this entire week had he had a peaceful sleep an all too familiar feeling. 

Turning around, the newly made Shadowhunter let the sun hit his visage; grey eyes flecked with violet and brilliant blond hair.        Around his figure seemed to glow an otherworldly light that he was unaware of, a light that never seemed to leave him and brought others who were damaged to him. What was it that drew people to him ?            What was it that drew this weird girl his way ? Certainly not who he expected. . .why should he expect the other girl ? She seemed to be doing just fine. . .making friends, laughing.