Undeniably Flawless 💯

Thousands of people enter our lives. Most just passing by, some just acquaintances in certain scenarios. Others making some kind of an impact or influencing your life to some degree. It bewilders me how one person can just enter your life from stage left and just sweep you off your feet. On the other hand, some people who you thought were so much more and impacted your life are sadly just a learning lesson. Everyone who comes into your life and makes any kind of difference are either a blessing or lesson. I've had my experiences where someone who was once a significant part of my life is now not even in it. For a long time I thought he was a blessing.. ultimately though after reflecting on the past and healing I realized it was quite the opposite. I learned several lessons from him, such as healthy boundaries. Self love. Self respect. Knowing what qualities I truly want out of my partner. I've always been optimistic about love. Love is SO powerful and I believe with my entire heart if you're in love (both ways) you can make it through anything. Something many people do not understand is that there is a major difference when loving someone vs being IN love with someone. It took me a very long time to really decipher the difference.. but having that understanding was what led me to realizing no matter what I did, we weren't gonna work. I could give it my all but he was not in love with me. Due to that simple fact it was a uphill battle I was never going to win. Though I consider him and that experience a valuable lesson in my love life, I consider it a blessing as well. If things didn't go the way they did.. I would never have met you. You.. take the breath away from me. You make my worst days okay, and the good days seem like a dream come true. You make me smile, internally with my heart too. You're so sweet and understanding. You make me feel safe, and most importantly you make me feel loved. We haven't gotten to that point where we say I love you.. but that doesn't mean the feeling isn't there. Due to social standards and me not wanting to scare you away I definitely am not saying it yet, I'll be patient for you. Being the first one to say "I love you" is scary to a degree. The timing of it is difficult cause you don't necessarily know where your partner is at with their feelings. I had a conversation with a close friend and I had asked her when she thinks it's the right time to tell someone you love them. She said something that really stuck out to me: Regardless of whether or not you say "I love you" you are still feeling it. The only thing that changed is now you are trying not to say it simply due to the fear of scaring them away. The moment I realized I loved you was when I was having negative/anxious feelings about us (due to past trauma coming up) and I brought my feelings to you and expressed the fear/anxiety I had. The way you reassured me spoke VOLUMES. It touched my heart, I felt so seen, so understood and so loved. I have never once experienced the kind of reassurance/love you gave to me right then and there. Your conviction did not once waiver.. you did something that someone who I had been involved with for years could not accomplish even once. Maybe cause he didn't have the level of care you possess, I don't know. However, what I do know is that this is the kind of love I have been YEARNING for, for so damn long. I will literally do anything to protect it and keep our relationship beautiful. I have cut off close to 10 people because they disrespected the relationship we're building. The past can remain in the past, however if someone flirts with me AFTER I tell them I am with someone, or in another instance try to sneakily get with me KNOWING I am in a relationship is absolutely disgusting to me. You are worth fighting for; I'll cut anyone off who doesn't serve us without a second thought. Real friends wouldn't be disrespectful like that. I'll cherish you for the rest of my life for as long as I live. I will continue to love you and your beautiful soul in the afterlife as well. You are my blessing.

I tend to care harder than majority of people.. most people don’t match the amount of care I have for them. And I hurt internally, I don’t always show or say it though. I’ll still laugh, smile, and make jokes. They only know if they catch me when I don’t think anyone is around, when I’m quiet, to myself and in my head where no one else can see me. Yet through all of the hell I go through, even if you’re the one who hurt me, I still love you unconditionally. I still care about you, I hope you’re doing okay. I hope the nights aren’t too hard for you. I want to get up and come over, make sure you’re okay. And then leave. I’ll still be hurt because you don’t love me the same way, but I’m also content if you’re feeling better. I will put my problems aside for you, simply because I love you. And I take on someone else’s problems before my own. Especially yours. I put others before me, I can’t help it. I love so much. I just hope someone out there will appreciate it sooner than later.