Kitty DeVille

At what point do you need to tell yourself that the wait is over? I am one of those people who will wait forever even when it makes me feel the worst. If something seems worth it, I'll do it. How long is too long though? Maybe I over analyze things but I've been raised to trust my gut and never settle for less than I deserve. Every relationship I've had ended in failure, usually by the other party. Either they didn't give enough, or wanted entirely too much. If it's just not working... then it's just not working. I like him. A lot... So much it scares me a little because of my fear of heartbreak. I have a big heart that I wear on my sleeve, wide open for anyone to destroy. When I build walls around it, I feel like I am awkward and cold. I am not that way at all, but I am just afraid to let go and pour my heart out to him. He makes me a better person. He makes me feel special. I enjoy his energy - when I am around him. Then there are those moments where my world feels completely empty and lonely for months. That has got to be one of the worst feelings I have ever experienced. I do not like it one bit and this is where I am at now in my head. How long should this waiting go on for if its only making me sink farther and farther into darkness. I have passed up other opportunities and basically removed myself from social life. I work all day sometimes and come home to more work just to keep busy. I am not getting any younger. So what am I to him? A potential future? Someone to pass the time? A flavor of the week? I know talking has its benefits but what if talking isn't as easy as it should be?

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. John Lennon Do you ever stop and think how much of your life you missed because you we're too busy with other things? How many opportunities at memories or love that blindly passed you by? I think about this every day. The only reason it crosses my mind so much is because I feel like I just woke up today and more than half of my friends are on a different level. They've moved away, got married, starting families... Completely different lives to lead. Did I miss my window of having a happy life with my significant other or am I still waiting for it? Have I been so consumed in working and getting side projects done that I completely missed out on everything? When in life do you know enough is enough, and too much is too much? How can you tell if its too late?

There comes a moment in everyone's life when all the partying and juicy gossip just doesn't seem to matter anymore. It's called growing up. Some people hit it earlier than others... Some people just don't at all. I'm at a point where getting up at 8am for work sounds better than staying out drinking until sunrise like I used to. I'd rather hear gossip of friends in happy relationships or starting families other than who broke up with who & attempted to destroy their life. When you learn to let the stupid things go you can then learn what living is. It's not about drama or who is more popular. It's not about who has the most followers on Twitter, Instagram or other social networks. It's not about who slept with who. It's not about how much money you can make in one night or how you do it. It's about knowing how to truly laugh with people you love. It's about being able to wake up and look forward to the days adventures. It's about loving someone for who they are as a person. It's about every little thing you were too blind to notice before bc you were too busy being selfish. If you continue trying to make everyone else miserable, you will only continue living your own miserable life. They say you never know what you have until it is gone, and this is very true. Surround yourself with positive people. Surround yourself with positive energy and well being. Learn to love yourself all stripped down and natural. Learn to step over the obstacles life throws at you and continue your journey. Everything we go through is a test of mental strength and a lesson to bulk up our weaknesses. This is a new year - a chance to start a new you and mold yourself into the best person you can be. A chance to accept your mistakes and grow. Will you take this challenge? Or will you continue to be the same old you making the same old mistakes over and over again? You cannot sit and complain about things if you aren't willing to take the blame. There is no luck. There is no fate. There is only you and the path you choose. So which path will you choose?

If we were children I would bake you a mud pie, warm and brown beneath the sun. Never learned to climb a tree but I would try just to show you what I'd done.

Sing the sorrow for tomorrow but don't look back on what has passed.

Addicted.

Top: R2D2 popcorn holder Left Top: Darth Maul Costume Left Bottom: Darth Vader Costume Right: yours truly... Too excited to smile right

The best 4th of July with the best crew.

My favorite self portrait. I look good in black & white!

Happy 4th!!! I'm enjoying some champagne!

No one deserves forgiveness after the second time around.

Today was the perfect day to fall asleep outside.... And take pictures of it!!

View from the Sky Garden at the Revel in Atlantic City. More to come!!!

A day in the life.... A day in red pumps.