The Devil's Own

[The Devil Remains]

Through the dead of night. The sound of slow footsteps echoed through the hallways of G Corp. The Devil incarnate himself once again made his presence known within the towering building that he used as headquarters.

It had been quite some time since the demonic Mishima had shown his face. It had been months since he had found himself within the glossy confines of the marble floors and granite walls. While it may have seemed off for him to be at a loss, it took quite a bit of time to process everything that had happened. Despite reigning victorious over his father, he wasn't finished just yet.

His dark energy cast an omnious presence far beyond that of G Corp. A disturbance in the air that could only be felt by those enlightened enough to distinguish what that feeling was.

I know I haven’t been around much in the last few months; though I wish I had done better with checking in.

My random absences were due to a few different reasons.

For starters, work has kept me drained as the weather is warming up.

To add to that exhaustion, My family recently found out my grandmother has cancer. Dealing with that alone is difficult enough, however, the thing that makes it overbearing is how tore up and stressed my mother has been over it. Of course I understand her being upset, it is her mother after all; but now I’ve been stressed out trying to keep her level headed. Why am I stressed about my mom? Well, my mother is a heart patient. So it’s crucial that my father and I do everything we can to keep her from letting her nerves go over the edge.

And....as always, I’ve still been fighting with my mental health issues. For a while, I felt like things with me were getting better. While I enjoyed the brief times when things were okay, it was short lived. Lately I’ve had this strange and unsettling feeling that I can only describe as “losing my grip” or “having little motivation or interest in life. It’s gotten to the point where I would swear I can physically feel the numbness that I used to only feel mentally. Feeling like “I just can’t do this anymore”.

As I said, I miss you all. I guess I felt that all of our paths went so many separate ways, so I tried to distance myself to make it hurt a little less. You all were like family to me. I’ve finally gotten myself to accept it to an extent.

Now, I won’t put you all through any more venting. I just wanted to drop in and give a quiet hello to everyone. Because don’t think for a second that I forgot about any of you, it was more of me being afraid to “show face” around here for fear of rejection for being gone for so long.

Trust me. I thought about the lot of you;

Every.

Single.

Day.

Hope you all are doing well.

The G-Corp rooftop was shrouded in complete darkness. Nearby buildings weakly lighting the edges of the Devil’s lair, appearing to show no signs of life. Save for one scarred face that loomed within the dark void that enveloped the area.

A soul that had no choice but to retreat for another war.

A war inside itself.

Once more, Kazuya emerged from the treacherous depths of the sanctuary that was his own mentality. This time the sorrow and concern were absent. The demented Mishima had taken it upon himself to decide for the others that....it wasn’t over.

A new mentality had quickly made Kazuya more deadly than ever before. The realization that with both Heihachi and Kazumi gone, there was no one and no reason for his morals to be conflicted.

{{{{Since this blog is pretty much my base of operations; and most of my contacts are here. I’m going to post my current active and WIP muse list here. (Mainly so I can get on here more and not accidentally forget about them)

I’ve been trying to branch out and it’s actually been a lot of fun. However, I’m not a popular person nor do I know a lot of people. So if anyone wants to thread in any with any of these let me know. : )

**Note: Kaz blog will be just a little slow while I’m still developing these others. (The Pokemon and Fallout muse actually have full stories I’ve been writing as well.)

Muse (Verse)

- Kazuya Mishima (Tekken)

- Lee (Fallout 4 OC)

- Jasmine (Fallout 4)

- Ren Daikroz (Pokémon OC)

- Kaegro Dartak (Star Wars OC)

I had been planning all week to get several things rolling on all of my blogs and writing platforms but apparently my mind isn’t going to make it easy.

Ive started noticing a pattern in certain things.

During the day, I’ll hit random elevated moods where I’m extremely optimistic and think “I’m gonna do this and that blah blah”. Everything seems perfect and fine. Unfortunately, during the time of day when this happens, I’m at work.

Then when I get home and get settled, it’s like my brain flips a switch. Well, maybe flip isn’t a strong enough description.

I get home and my brain grows legs, straps on steel-toe boots and drop kicks the switch.

It’s like all of the upbeat energy I had all day did a complete 180.

Some days it’s just a “meh” feeling. Other times it gets a little worse and just a hopeless feeling. Here lately, it’s gotten a little more severe in that I’ll sit here, drown in my own self loathing and hope that when I fall asleep that I never wake up.

I’ve done just about everything I know to do. Trying to sleep better, trying different timing with my meds, and just not pushing myself so much.; but even that didn’t seem to help at all.

Just wanted everyone to know that I wasn’t trying to be difficult when I’ve said I wanted to come back to my Kazuya blog. I want to, I’ve been trying, I really have.

It’s just...something isn’t right.

Truthfully, I’m Not sure why I’m posting this. I guess I just enjoy talking to myself; either that or it’s my ever cryptic mind trying to tell me something is wrong and reverts me to rambling through text in an effort to create a distraction.

It’s almost like I can see myself in third person. I can see the issue and I can sort of tell what’s going to end up happening if I don’t do something before I lose control of it, but at the same time it almost feels like I’m being stupid for no reason so then I just throw myself into denial and try to ignore the glaring issue that’s right in front of me.

Anyway.

I just.

{{ So, The reason my activity here has fallen so much is this. I get tunnel vision really bad sometimes.

This is a OC story I’ve been writing. It’s based on Fallout but follows its own little path.

It’s not exactly lore friendly; but those parts will eventually get explained later in the story.

Heres a link if anyone cares to look. It’s trash right now but I’m trying to get better at this}}

Once more Kazuya found himself standing at the window of his office. Nothing had changed. No matter how many different ways he thought about it, his situation was still the same.

Despite the mixed feelings he had about the death of his father, deep down he felt the same. All of the wasted time he spent, constantly retreating from this place in hopes to clear his mind. He still felt the same. It was just something he couldn’t free his spirit of.

He still continued to hold this overwhelming feeling of anger and maniacal hate. A burning thirst for destruction that would make even the most godly of beings shudder.

Why did he still feel this discontent? The restless feeling of complete dissatisfaction. Was killing his father not enough?

If that didn’t please him, then what would?

He turned to face the mirror on the wall beside his desk. The dim lighting barely bright enough to illuminate him, but strong enough to display his tormented expression.

Time and time again, he found himself, staring into the same mirror. Until one night, he finally discovered what was plaguing him.

Kazuya had received the closure he wanted but the journey to reach it had ignited countless fires along the way.

[[Sorry for my lack of activity again. I’ve been going through some sort of existential crisis or something. Accompany that with intense nostalgia trips and it’s spiraled into an extremely severe depression. Take all of that and mix it with the fact that it’s been unpredictable and will come and go out of nowhere, it’s been hard to keep up with myself lately.

Family keeps telling me to talk to a doctor but what am I supposed to say when nothing can be done about it. What? Tell them I’m depressed about my past and didn’t appreciate it enough and I’m upset because I feel it’s to late to appreciate those same things now? Tell them that I have strong emo tendencies but feel that I’m too old for that so I talk down to myself for it and think I’m stupid and childish? Tell them that there is no reason for any of this? It’s pointless. That death seems so pleasant but too terrified to go? Tell them that there is no point in talking to anyone about my feelings because at the end of the day no one gives a damn?