Aʟᴍᴏsᴛ Mᴀᴅᴇ Iᴛ

Make him Speechless.

Make him Speechless.

TFLN

TFLN

TFLN

"You have got to stop stealing the next door neighbor's cat when your high."

"Plan B. When the Police come to the door everyone claim you were kidnapped and forced to party. I'll go break a bottle and open the back window so we can say our kidnapper must've escaped."

"Where did the toddler come from? That wasn't here when we started this binge."

"You know I'm always game for illegal activity, but what would we even DO with a lifetime supply of catnip?"

"It didn't look like a bad idea at the time. Then again I was totally shitfaced."

"Tonight's theme is 'Bad Life Choices; The Sequel!'"

"Listen to me, The Martians AREN'T probing you. You're doing that to yourself."

"If he's got an eyepatch the answer is always 'Sorry, they aren't home right now.'"

"I woke up with twenty dollars on my nightstand and an empty bed. Up side is he thought I was good enough to be a prostitute. Down side is he thought I was a really cheap one."

"Do you think my math professor will count me working out how much different booze we can buy with as little money possible as extra credit?"

"Where do you keep finding kittens?"

                     “What do you mean I can’t just trust Jack?”                                                                                                            “Oops.”