here’s a late night post kinda explaining where i’ve been ... i guess??? i haven’t caught up with this season, i’m about half way through but the fandom is super toxic and i’m not here for it, or it’s toxic members. i wrote clarke for fun and i honestly love writing her but seeing everyone being complete cocksuckers over the characters and their decisions and how people write / portray their own versions of that character was something i do not want to be a part of. like i said, i love writing clarke but being here is horrible and i’m sure a lot of people can agree with me. i ant to come back, i really do because the friends i have here are what makes me want to stay ( mostly morgan, faith and spencer ngl ). i might catch up, i might make clarke super canon divergent who knows.
another reason i haven’t been here is because i’m not doing great irl. my depression is at an all time high and i feel super shit all the time. my time is consumed with trying to better myself and not getting anywhere and then falling down the rabbit hole all over again. i’ve thought about committing suicide, i’ve thought about how much better off people will be if i did but i’m too scared to do anything so i’ve been trying to seek help away from tumblr. i don’t want your sympathy and i don’t want you to worry, i’m not going to do anything to myself that will cause serious harm but i am not in a good place at all and i’m worried that being on tumblr will just make things even worse. i have no safety net in the real world, i don’t like opening up to people and thus, no one really knows me. this isn’t a cry for help or me seeking attention, i feel like i owe you guys a serious explanation as to why i haven’t been around and i’m sick and tired of not being myself on this hellhole of a site - so i’m going to start being more blunt and more me. enough with tiptoeing around everything and walking on eggshells. if you have my discord you can reach me there but even then i very rarely reply but i hope to get some muse back soon. if not, i’ll disappear because there’s no point keeping clarke around.
ps: also done with fake friends. literally unfollow me / block me if you don’t want anything to do with me because i’m done with people being one thing and turning out to be another okay bye.
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