Risk with no Regrets
I made the right decision! – This was one of my realizations after reading the blog of a previous colleague of mine who just recently resigned too. Thanks to her! I have to be honest, I had a tiny bit of regret months after I left my previous employer. Was even contemplating on going back. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t have second thoughts with my decision ’cause I don’t love my current employer. Of course I do. Very much! I have the weekends to myself and the work load is pretty bearable. What sort of held me back was the life I had, financial wise. I had a very good paycheck. Always had more than enough for the rainy days. I had also achieved what anyone my age and even the ones older than me would wish for. I gotta say, I was at the peak of my career and I will forever be grateful to my previous employer and the people who had helped me in so many ways get to that level. I was enjoying the experience and the perks that came along with it . For a time… Things started to turn awry though. There had to be changes in our account and sadly, I wasn’t able to keep up. I got lost! Then eventually, I also lost my motivation and work became toxic (for the lack of a better term). My relationship with some of the people around felt very trivial and transactional (except of course for those whom I felt a genuine connection with & I really considered as friends more than officemates). I was always on my toes. Afraid to commit mistakes. I was too stressed! I was eating numbers and the pressure to hit them was brain wracking. It became more unhealthy when I started taking my stress at home. I was always in a bad mood which had led to frequent arguments between me & my husband. As if these weren’t enough, I also had to work on weekends which meant missing a lot of important events especially the ones with family (for sure, moms out there can totally relate why weekends are of importance). My rest days were very unproductive that I barely even felt them. I spent them mostly to catch up on sleep. I could’t get to spend that much time with my husband since he works on my rest days or take Ravi somewhere for some quality time. I was too drained to do fun things. I knew it needed to stop. I knew I couldn’t keep doing those things and sulk forever. I also knew that choosing to break free from all of it meant giving up everything I worked so hard for and start from scratch. But it also meant having to live a stress-free life where I have more time in my hands. A normal life where I could still make time for my family and friends. And so I still did despite my inhibitions. I left the place I used to consider my comfort zone. What broke my heart the most was having to leave people I got so attached with. People who made me want to stay and hold on a little bit more. After I left, I was occasionally struck with moments convincing me to go back to that life. To that job. But only because it paid the bills. Yet, on a second thought, without a shadow of a doubt, I very well know I don’t want the stressful part of it and then I go tell myself, the paycheck can’t give me back the family time I lost and would lose if I go back. It can’t pay the stress and exhaustion away. My husband and my baby need me more than the pay. ‘Bove all, money isn’t everything. Yes, my current job doesn’t pay as much but it gave me things money can’t buy – time, sanity, and happiness. Things you can’t just get anywhere. Things and feelings you only get when you make the right decisions and take risks. And when regrets taunt you, always go back to the reason/s why you took that risk in the first place and you should be all set. So if you ask me now if I had regrets, I’d say none without batting an eyelid. Am I happy? Yes! Am I doing something I love or want? Well, not yet completely but I gotta say, this is a good start knowing that I have more time in my hands. In my head, there’s a stream of things I want to do. For now, I’m just really enjoying the ride.
