Nanao Ise

Hi all, 

Just a quick update from me. RL is incredibly stressful right now. I have started a new job and am currently on study leave. I’m studying for the ACA (the UK equivalent of the CPA) and CTA and have seven exams to get through before June. To say it is hard is an understatement. 

Tagged by: no-one 

She feels the stiffness, but she’s not pushed away.  Shutara merely leans into it, letting herself be more flexible, wrapping herself around her.  

“It’s all right,” she says.  “It can be difficult in a way, yes?”  She can feel Nanao’s distress.  “I’m not a naturally affectionate person, I care sure, but I’ve not been great at self expression, even when genuine.  I’m just older and have learned how to do what I can.”  

She settles against her.  It’s knowledge of her that few people have, that she’s so much smaller than she looks, that when she clings and lets her form lean, it’s barely felt if she holds herself the right way.  

Nanao’s concern, worry, is sweet, truly.  

“Ah.  I’ve not waited very long.  Unless of course you mean my birth to this date…which, then…well…perhaps you shouldn’t keep a lady waiting for a few thousand years.  It’s excessive.”

She can’t help the wryness in her smile, and the playful tone that barely covers a laugh.  

“No…”  She shakes her head, musing dreamlike.  “I think that due to no fault of our own…we’re never going to be a grand, romantic, extravagant love story.”  

Her eyes close as she takes her comfort in her, resting against her, taking some of the exhaustion of the ages and casting it away, whether Nanao knows it or not.  

“But that’s okay.  I think that we owe to ourselves to see just what kind of story we’ll be.  After all, things that endure tend to not be the things that are made for show.  Even now, you’re still enough for what I need.  And if anyone’s ever pushed you harder, then I’m sorry that you’ve been the basic respect you’ve been denied.  No one has ever won fighting against their nature.”

Nanao nods, seeking comfort it having her feelings vocalised for her. It feels like such a pathetic stumbling block, but being able to put a name to something so obvious feels like an unpassable hurdle. Especially in times like this. Why is she so hopeless?

Shutara doesn’t seem to notice the inner turmoil. She simply leans in, resting her head against Nanao’s shoulder as if that’s where she’s meant to be. Nanao doesn’t resist. She knows deep down what she wants even if her fight or flight instinct doesn’t. It’s better to focous on things like Shutara’s laugh, and the fact she really does have a point. 

“We're never going to be as ridiculous as my captain, are we? ”

Nanao notes the other woman closes her eyes, although  she stays aleart for the time being. It’s good to see her rest, she always seem to have the weight of the world on her shoulders. She raises an eyebrow at the idea of being pushed in the past. That’s never really been the case, although Nanao’s grateful nevertheless. There’s something special about feeling respected, cared for. 

He’s a little hurt. While yes, he wanted to offer her a little bit of softness and protection…what he really wanted was reassurance.  His home is under attack, he’s being forced to flee it.   Indeed if she was not here, he may have joined the vanguard who he knows is doing guerilla tactics in the outskirts.  But he does have his children to think about, and while it hurts deeply to leave his homeland like this…it’s something that must be done.  Without her there, he may have stayed.  He may have died or been captured.  So for now, he’s focusing on trying to be grateful for that.

He looks at her, somewhat achingly confused, purple clawed hand pawing gently at her shoulder before recoiling, the schism of needs, thoughts, identities  evident in his eyes.  He doesn’t understand, though at least he understands that he doesn’t understand. But they do need to move…and things need to happen quickly before there’s no possible way for them to leave unscathed.

Szayel breaks into sonido. He knows that Nanao will follow as he heads toward the west exit.  The conflict there is like a lightning rod and draws him, predatory nature sharpened by the feelings of crisis and protectiveness.  He doesn’t even need to think about where he’s going—he simply moves, hunting instincts honed and amplified by maternal tinged rage.  

When he gets there, some things he’d felt but not understood leave him frozen for a few minutes.  The quincy officer is there, but he’s surrounded by arrancar—arrancar that are no longer pure and perfect as they once were, but fit with quincy crosses and hybridized.  His anger is explosive and the sound he makes in return is indescribable, a growl and a scream, supersonic screech behind it from the extra set of vocal cords he possesses in his release.  It’s strange, he doesn’t remember having them, but he looks down and sees his body changing.  His wings are beginning to change color and shape.  If he runs breath through both sets, he hears his original hollow voice, disguised by his human one.

His form is changing. It’s strange as he wasn’t fully sure what it would take to make him grow once again…but now, he understands. Those before him are lost causes now. Maybe he could undo it, but right now is not the time, and it is survival of the fittest.  He makes sure that Nanao is out of the way, and then his rage powers the single most powerfully crafted Gran Rey Cero, iridescent and fiery pink focused power and then released.  

The officer dodges, but some of his batallion isn’t so lucky.  The Western Gate behind them is blown open wide destroyed so that the sun is gone and replaced by the beauty of the starlight.  Bloodlust fills his aura and he grabs and rips and rends and consumes the mutilated beasts—a merger of opposites that shouldn’t exist.  Heresy.  A false compromise before the ‘final solution’.  But the quincy…he wants there to be nothing left of.  He’s too angry to think straight and he activates Gabriel without thought of the woman behind him, just as she’s shown clearly that *she* has no thoughts of *him.*  He violates him with the long grey tentacle that forms at will from under his gown while he howls in delight of being able for once to *indulge*.  Violation, followed by impalement that becomes forced impregnation, and then dissolution.  Its freeing.  So freeing, feeding the lower parts of his nature that he’s tried so hard to hold back. The man he wants to be for Rose…but right now he’s not here either and doesn’t know what Szayel will do to get to him.

He injects himself in and eats him alive, sucking out the energy, the knowledge, the life, the will, the very identity of what this being is.  It’s a gross, organic process, desiccation of the host and he’s reborn, angry-proud, dripping from rebirth.  He can’t bear to take in what’s left of the body into him, so the distorted corpse, he jumps on, malicious energy radiating from him.  It breaks, shattering under his weight, before becoming nothing more than the sand at his feet.

He stands there on what’s now just blood covered sand, panting, harsh dry air through his raw throat. He doesn’t have full command of his own voice now, both sets trying to develop and rewire in his brain. Catching his breath is hard, but he’s still impressively powerful, man and monster as he steps into the moonlight that streams in through the broken gate.  

“Lets go home,” he says, his honey smooth voice back.  “I…I think that’s all I can give to you now.”  But the extra set is triggered by his emotion and screeches behind it.  “I can no longer give you what you want or ask for what I need.”  

His body is reflexive, and now, his wings have morphed while he wasn’t paying attention to them.  He begins to open the garganta and without realizing, halfway starts to fly.

Szayel keeps up his attempts at closeness for far longer than Nanao would have expected him to. Even at the centre, at his most vulnerable and needy, he wouldn’t have clawed at her as he does now. The action doesn’t tally with the fearsome creature which currently stands before her, Nanao thinks. If she wasn’t so overcome with everything this mission has become, he might have been able to tug on her heartstrings enough to to give in and give him what he wants. 

She feels a flash of guilt once his face falls and he finally pulls away. It’s still not enough to sway her heart though. Can’t he understand what she’s been through? Surely he can understand why now just isn’t the time for this. 

Her guilt eases as he breaks into Sonnido. Nanao follows him without  a second thought, stepping into shunpo and following  a pace or two behind. This is the kind of progress she needs right now. Anything that gets them where they’re going is far more use to her now than the affection Szayel seems to crave. Despite the horror of what he’s subjected her too, she still trusts Szayel implicitly, convinced that no matter what he will get them home. That alone helps to steady her and by the time they reach the gate, she’s more herself and able to focus on the way ahead. 

The area is swarming with quincy by the time they arrive and Szayel does what he does without wasting any time. He rushes in while Nanao holds back, sensible enough to turn away and not look. It’s fortunate that none of them pay her attention when faced with the threat of Szayel. The change in Szayel doesn’t go unnoticed either, although Nanao fails to fully appreciate it considering the circumstances. The best she can do is stare at the iridescent pink light and gasp at the magnificent being that emerges without warning from the slaughter. He’d be truly beautiful, she thinks, if she could separate this form from the horror of what bought it about.... 

She offers a weak smile as he approaches, fully ready to offer complements and thanks once he’s close enough. Any desire to do so sinks once Szayel opens his mouth. His voice stays smooth as silk, his tone even and betraying little emotion. The words tell a different story. Nanao’s smile fades, unsure what’s bought this on or how to make it better. As much as she wants to return home, she’d rather not do it with him like this. 

“Oh, not really. I just find it to be a remarkably apt metaphor for our reality.” Megumi’s smile is soft, perhaps a little sheepish. “We’re soldiers, are we not?” She halts herself there, not quite willing to delve too deeply into the war metaphor on such a lovely evening.

Nanao is a kind woman and Megumi can tell she’s deeply loyal to her company, she surely wouldn’t appreciate the accidental insinuation. It’s not in fact, targeted at her captain at all, Shunsui-taicho is the epitome of a leader. A decent man and a better soldier. However, she doesn’t believe her and Nanao are on close enough terms yet.

“How is the Women’s Association treating you?” She shifts the topic, as they begin up the curving path towards the tower. “I’ve been enjoying this years events.”

“Very true”

She mirrors Megumi’s pace as she considers her point, finding it rather sombre for a simple game league. She’s not wrong, but there’s something about the observation that Nanao can’t put her finger on but knows she doesn’t want to think about. Something about the nature of serving an organisation like the Gotei, as just another cog in the machine. Something to be trained and sacrificed as necessary. It’s more than a little unsettling. 

She perks up at the mention of the WSRA, the two of them resuming their route up towards Sogoyuku hill. She’s always been proud of her work there, and this year is no exception.

There was always much to be learned about what was ado from the mood within the First and what went on in it. That much Isane’s late captain had drilled into her. Going by the Nanao’s well-ordered papers, she surmised everything was on track if slow-going and nothing was amiss for the time being. It was enough that they were not plagued by additional troubles in the present. Overseeing the goings-on of nigh everything and striking a balance between demands and necessity were Nanao’s forte, and Isane forbore to interfere though she did observe the volume of work had likely tired her friend.

It was probable Nanao would find her stride again once she grew accustomed to the work and the administrative duties, but for the moment, Isane made a mental note to keep an eye on her for the foreseeable future to ensure that she did not burn herself out. Despite that resolution, her brow still furrowed in self-reproach. Perhaps she should not have imposed when physical and mental exhaustion were etched in the latter’s features. She could make herself scarce, but that may result in Nanao returning to work, which would nothing for her overall well-being. Since she was already here, she might as well ensure the lieutenant did not push herself any further that day, Isane decided as she returned Nanao’s smile.

“He’s escaped to the roof already? How unconscionable of him to thwart us. He needs to be locked in with his work more often,” was her light reply as she shook her head in mock severity. The levity lifted when she took in the unspoken anxiety from her companion. Napping under trees was idyllic and suited to the Captain-Commander’s sensibilities, but the roofs were uncomfortable for sleeping and could only lead to backaches in the long run even for burly men like him.

“As glad as I am that he’s more manageable these days, I take it he’s still drinking more than usual? We shall brew some tonic for him every day for the coming week. Perhaps that might help him a little. Things have been difficult for everyone, but more so for him, I think,” she said musingly after a moment’s consideration. Not wanting to add to Nanao’s worries, she tried to lighten the mood after a self-deprecatory sigh. “We’re muddling along at the Fourth. There hasn’t been an urge to either defenestrate others or myself lately, which is an improvement. And you? Are you doing all right?” Gesturing to the box, she added, “It won’t cure anything but the hyuganatsu monaka has a tangy bite that may be revitalising.”

“I’m afraid so” 

Nanao glanced up at the ceiling, as if she could track her captain’s journey across the sun warmed tiles. Something’s never changed, and his was one of them. 

“He seems to be up there more and more of late...”

She trailed off while Isane said the quiet bit out loud, more grateful for that than she’d ever admit. It had been bad of late, worse than Nanao would dare to admit. It felt almost traitorous to even suggest he needed to cut back after all he’d been through. 

“If you could, I’d appreciate it” she left out, as would he, knowing her captain would never admit it “I know I can trust you to be discreet about it” 

It was refreshing to hear news of another division, Nanao smiling somewhat wryly at the sarcasm. There was comfort in this small but positive update. It so often felt that they were just spinning their wheels and going nowhere. It was so easy to believe that the Seireitei would always be this disorganised heap of rubble. 

“Progress is being made I see”

She’d have preferred to stay on the topic of the fourth, however, her own wellbeing suddenly found itself front and centre. Her mood flattened, and Nanao toyed with changing the subject, wishing they could simply bypass all of this. It wouldn’t be fair though. She’d already asked about Isane after all.

He keeps her close.  His fingers brush through the dark hair that just grows more and more lush the older she becomes.  As intense as he feels–he doesn’t wish to wake her.  His desires don’t matter in the face of her health.  His voice remains soft, and as much as he feels like his grip on her needs to tighten, he will not frighten her.

But the last words give him pause.  

“I don’t remember mine,” he says.  

He comes to Nanao, cautious, stopping when they are side-by-side.  His stance relaxes a great deal.  Szayel doesn’t offer her for Nanao to take, but he won’t resist, should she reach.

“I think that’s why I don’t quite understand what you say sometimes.”

The little girl stirs a bit in her sleep, but doesn’t rouse.   “I…I think…anyway.”

Nanao deflates like a balloon. Most of the fight has gone from her as it usually does when confronted with his eccentricities, although this time her ire finds itself replaced, with a deep-set sense of heaviness she really can’t explain. Maybe this time she really is at her limit with him. 

“You know what I meant. You’re smart enough to know the terminology really doesn’t matter here. How would you feel if it was one of the triplets? Wouldn’t you want them back, wouldn’t you feel they needed you?” 

She can see how his grip has loosened, but doesn’t reach for the girl, instead leans against the wall, arms folded. It’s not that she can’t sympathise with him. She’s been lucky enough to have something he’s never had, if only for a short while. Now doesn’t feel like the time to discuss this though. There’s a part of her who wonders if he’s just using this titbit to sway her round to his way of thinking - as if it would really be that easy to get her to hand over her daughter to him. Wasn’t there something in his file at the centre about him being manipulative? She keeps her head down as he approaches, not wanting to look at him right now.  

Shunsui tries his best to wait patiently for her to react and to offer any feedback at all.  That doesn’t keep him from fidgeting with his kimono and shifting on his feet as his eyes study her. Nanao doesn’t seem displeased at least which comes as a relief. He had tried his best to write something honest, romantic and not entirely over the top so how could it go badly?

“I’m aware that I did not have to, but I wished to.  I had thought it a romantic and old fashioned gesture that you might appreciate.  Very much suited to a lady such as yourself,” Shunsui explains. 

He wonders if it’s positive or not that she keeps looking at the letter as he tries his best to hide his own nerves. Finally she speaks again and Shunsui lets out an a breath as he breaks into a truly pleased smile. His Nanao does like the letter. Otherwise she wouldn’t have said so. One thing he’s learned over the years is she is one of the few he can trust to be honest with him, not sugarcoat things, and only give compliments if they are deserved. “I’m glad I finally sat down to write it to you.”

He’s stubborn in his own way, dismissing Nanao’s protests and pushing onwards with a surprisingly logical argument for him. She can’t dispute the facts. There’s few traditions that can claim to be older than a love letter. She can appreciate the subtlety of the gesture too. It’s not loud or overblown like so many of his other declarations. It’s more her, and she likes that he’s considered this. 

Her attention stays on the letter as he continues his explanation, Nanao only looking up only when he mentions how long this letter’s taken to put together. he raises an eyebrow. It’s not like him to be so indecisive. 

Jūshirō can’t help but search for some glimmer of joy, or excitement, or eagerness, or even contentment in the young girl’s face. These past several months have been hard on all of them, with stories to smooth over and wrinkles to iron out and twelve gaping holes to fill within leadership – but even so, Jūshirō privately wonders whether they have been hardest of all on people like young Nanao, who were profoundly impacted by the extraordinary escalation of events, but who had even fewer answers than Jūshirō did.

It’s one thing, after all, to be left lonely. It’s quite another to be left both lonely and in the dark.

While Jūshirō does not see those sparks of youthful life or bright-eyed expectation that he’d hoped for, he does see recognition in the girl when he makes his approach. It seems to him that poor Nanao is adhering to etiquette both for Jūshirō’s own sake, and for her own. Jūshirō cannot blame her. In her position and at her age, he would have done much the same.

She greets him, and she answers his question simply. “I thought I remembered that about you,” he says, favoring her with a gentle smile. “I brought a few books with me, because I didn’t know what sort of reading you were in the mood for. There’s a good mix of fiction and nonfiction here – do you have a preference, Ise-san?” Now that the primary reason for his visit has been well established, Jūshirō takes a few steps closer, too. “…you don’t mind if I sit, do you?” he asks.

Nanao observes the captain with wide eyed wonder, not quite sure what to make of him or this impromptu visit. It’s the enthusiasm. She doesn’t know what to do with it. It feels so out of place alongside the sobriety that’s clouded the 8th of late. He’s bright, but a different kind of bright that she’s used to. That’s pretty intimidating in itself. Her captain does it more exuberantly, or at least he did before the lieutenant vanished...

Her expression dims slightly as she contemplates that night, although the memory isn’t enough to steal her attention from the promise of books. It’s been so long since someone offered to read to her. Nanao has almost wondered if anyone would again. This is a chance she can’t miss, no matter how strange it might feel right now. 

She shuffles up at his suggestion, giving him room to sit, although she makes sure he doesn’t get too close. He’s so much bigger than her. It’s almost as unnerving as the unfamiliar brightness. Nevertheless, she’s content to mull over his question as he settles himself. 

Szayel keeps his protective stance.  He nuzzles against the crown of the little girl’s head and she snuggles into him in return.  It’s a self amplifying system.  She trusts him, and he’s galvanized further to protect her, the dynamic of their roles amplifying that instinct.  

But the words she says don’t make sense.

“What did you mean?  You were absolutely exasperated and very serious that I take her.  You are not a woman who I don’t take at her word.”

He sees her reach towards the little girl who’s fallen into a blissful slumber over top of Szayel’s heart.  His expression is pained.  He knows how this feels.

“It wouldn’t be the first time I was given someone.  I couldn’t keep him, not as an Espada, but I wanted to.”

He sees the fear and he’s very much torn.  She was given to him.  But he can tell that Nanao very much wants her.  It’s not how it’s done where he’s lived his whole life.  He has three of his own, but this one is special and she always has been.  It’s an honor to give her care.

He steps a little closer, his eyes curious, wanting to know what it is that he’s missing.  But then…something does make sense.  

“You should have napped with her,” he says.  “An alpha child will always settle when given something to protect.”  He looks down at the girl in his arms.  “And as you can see, she’d have ‘guarded’ you for a good 10 minutes before passing out herself.”

Her pleas fall on death ears, his explanation only making her more exasperated with him. She had been insistent, no doubt about it, but she hadn’t meant this. He’s shielding the girl now, as if he fears Nanao means her harm, a realisation that cuts deeply. How could he think that? She wonders. Hasn’t she proven time and time again that she can do this and do it well. 

Szayel comes in closer and Nanao swears she sees a hint of confusion behind the yellow eyes.  It’s hardly surprising, there’s clearly something here both of them are missing. That doesn’t make his parenting advice any easier to swallow. Even if he’s right, she’s not in the mood to hear it. 

“You don’t leave toddlers alone like that” she snaps, rapidly losing her patience with him. She wants to add, especially one like her, but thinks better of it. Szayel knows what she’s like and exactly why it would be a bad idea to leave her alone to take a nap. Whatever’s gotten into him today needs to stop right now. “Don’t be ridiculous, stop trying to justify this lunacy and just give her back!” 

She lets out a shaky breath and looks at the girl in his arms, not sure how she’s going to explain this to Shutara should he dig his heels in and refuse to give ground.

From here || accepting || @twoswordsonecaptain

Send 💐 to ask my muse out on a date

Nanao freezes, watching the captain as if the question might rise up and bite her. This is still hard to get used to, even though they're well past first date jitters. She wishes he wouldn't do this in the office too. It runs the risk of them getting found out. She's not ready for that yet.

Taking a second to compose herself and glancing towards the door, Nanao finally looks at her captain and asks.

Unprompted || always accepting || @snugglytooth

Nanao looks down at the rustling packet with suspicion. This is living world stuff and doesn't look of particularly high value. She adjusts her glasses, frowning. If this is supposed to be a bribe, then it's not exactly a good one.

Halloween with Nemu

@desk-work-expert​

It may be Halloween and Nemu may not be working in the lab today, but she still had some lieutenant work to finish before her fun. One of those things was bringing paperwork to the necessary places. So despite being in her full costume already, she made her way to the 8th to drop off what she needed to. Plus she’ll get to see one of her friends. Perhaps she can see if Nanao has plans or not.

Nanao looks up from her paperwork, raising an eyebrow at the figure striding into her office. It takes a moment to realise that it’s a costume, and a further minute to realise why it’s being worn. It was easy to forget halloween when there’s so much to do. 

It was another twenty or so minutes of walking before they reached one of the entrances to the catacombs. Akon intermittently typed on his tablet, alternating between research on history of the area and monitoring some of the more involved projects back at the SRDI. Rin was, it appeared, going through sugar withdrawals during the candy shortage caused by the 11th’s lieutenant. He made a mental note to fully integrate a positive-feedback loop in his associate to mitigate the effect.

“I wonder if the 11th squad is worth the amount of headaches they cause,” he said idly. Small talk wasn’t his usual comfort, but Nanao had been politely silent as he worked, and it would only be polite to someone technically his superior to at least attempt to engage in conversation. At least, that’s the reason he decided on.

“Though I suppose they have their uses in combat, however rare that might be these days.”

Nanao slowed her pace and looked towards her companion with a frown. The question felt as if it had come from nowhere. What did the 11th have to do with anything? Although, she wasn’t going to complain about something to break the silence. It felt rather odd walking together like this without saying a word to each other” 

“Perhaps” she mulled over the question with a frown, thinking it multifaceted and suspecting he knew that “they’re a nuisance, but you can’t deny they get results” 

She looked towards the ground, then up again, trying for a conspiratorial smile. 

Going by the unsaid in Nanao’s avowed intention to get her captain to plough through his work for the day, Isane’s eyes twinkled. That meant they would have an hour or two to themselves before the man would make his presence felt. It was inconceivable that he was unaware of what was going on outside the the doors of his office, as he was a canny old fellow. Well, she decided, if she heard faint groans of exasperation or exhausted sighs later it would be the man attempting to malinger. Having no doubt those expressions would be grossly exaggerated and be instantly cured as soon as he was doing all the things he liked, she chuckled to herself.

Even so, she surrendered the box of snacks she had brought and settled in the chair indicated. It was best she not quibble with Nanao when the latter had decided to play the hostess. A disinterested eye ran over the papers on her friend’s desk while she bustled with the tea things as she enquired blithely, “Have you had a busy day keeping him and his pantomime distress in check? We could lock him in for a bit and be assured of some peace, as long as he doesn’t try to escape through the window.”

To Nanao’s satisfaction, Isane took a seat, leaving the lieutenant to sort the tea. She busied herself with the kettle, noticing Isane’s pointed look at the paper she’d left on the desk.

“you could say that” she said. The smiled remained on her lips there was an obvious weariness to it. Something behind her eyes seemed to brighten at the next comment, a little peace was sorely needed right now, but the weight remained, dragging her down  “although I think he’s taken himself up to the rooftops again.” 

She cocked her head, and withheld a sigh,

“It’s been easier to pick some of my battles lately. You’re aware of how it’s been for everybody since the war” 

She eyed the box, making herself comfortable while the water boiled. Isane would understand, she thought, it’d been hard for all of them in recent months.