This was prompted by a lot of people on discord, I hope I haven't forgotten anyone: @sv926, Lupo, Skye Willows, chowbot, sunkiller44, Ravyn SilverShadow, DesiredPerfection and @amarytha Hope you enjoy the more quiet second part!
Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Reed900
[Part1]
As they laid in bed not much later, covered by thick blankets and encased in each other’s arms, it felt like a crime to disturb the silence. What had happened that day lingered between them, the words unspoken weighing them down and threatening to break the peace once voiced and made reality. Nines would rather just stay silent and continue to hold Gavin in his arms and feel his hands hold him, too. And the human seemed to have the same idea. Nines shifted a little and studied Gavin’s face, relaxed and half asleep. At his movements, the man opened his eyes and just watched him back; aware of his staring and that there was more than just adoration prompting him to do so.
The android retracted a hand from Gavin’s chest and instead used it to hold the cheek he wasn’t lying on. The human hummed at the contact and closed his eyes with a long exhale. Nines extended his thumb to brush over the scar on the bridge of his nose and his eyes quickly lost focus, taking in the information of his sensors as a whole. He continued to brush his thumb back and forth the scar as his other hand traced the scars on his back until he could feel his heartbeat through his ribs. He listened to it for a little while, then clenched his eyes shut as if in pain, retracting his hands and pulling out of Gavin’s hug.
‘Nines? Nines, love, what’s wrong?’ Gavin’s hands tried to reach out for him again, but he just sat up, evading them. The human sighed and sat up too. ‘Nines, please. Talk to me.’
‘You are still alive’, Nines whispered with almost undetectable static underneath his voice. ‘You are still alive. They couldn’t kill you. I saved you.’
‘You did’, Gavin confirmed. ‘You saved me and I’m still alive.’
‘But I killed people. There would have been other ways to save you, but I blanked out and I killed.’
‘Listen Nines’, Gavin tried. ‘This mission went wrong, hell it was already going to shit when they found out Allen’s real identity. Mistakes happen.’
‘That’s not it’, Nines said desperately, hands clawing at his head. ‘Gavin, no matter how I look at it, there is no regret I killed them. I know there had been other ways, but you are safe now. You are safe and that’s all that matters to me. But that is wrong. I should-‘
‘Shhh’, Gavin shushed him. ‘Nines. Nines, c’mere.’ He pushed himself over to the android and leaned against his side. He took it as a good sign that he didn’t do anything to stop him when he hugged him from the side.
‘Nines, that’s normal. At least for human standards. I don’t blame you and I’m sure neither would anyone else.’
‘But I’m blaming myself’, Nines sighed. ‘I should feel something. I killed them.’
‘No, you didn’t. I saw it. It was your soldier protocol taking over. That’s not you.’
Nines shook his head once again and pushed out of Gavin’s embrace to look at him. ‘Gavin, that’s me. This is who I am, I can’t change it. I come with this… problem, there is no me without it. Enough emotional turmoil and that’s who I become: inhuman, entirely machine and a ruthless killer.’
‘And you think I am any different?’, Gavin asked. ‘Have you seen me? I just punched a Federal Agent several times because he was racist towards someone I love.’
‘That’s not the same, Perkins is still alive.’
‘For now’, Gavin huffed and that at least managed to make Nines chuckle despite everything.
‘Gavin, I appreciate the sentiment, but it doesn’t help. I love you. Seeing you in danger just triggers the killer to take over and I have no control then. I could have killer innocents. Hell, I could have killed our own people. Had you been hurt, I could have killed the paramedics trying to help you.’ Nines sighed deeply. ‘I don’t know if I can X with my consciousness working a job where I will see you in danger quite often.’
‘Well, I think Fowler will have us on deskwork anyways for a while’, Gavin joked.
‘Not what I meant and you know it.’
The human next to him sighed. ‘Yeah, I know, but what else can I say? That you should quit your job? I know you love it. You said it often enough: this is the perfect way of challenging your advanced systems and doing good.’
‘But I’m more of a threat than a helpful tool to do good.’
‘Not a tool’, Gavin reminded him with warning undertone. ‘And you may be a risk, but not a threat. Hell, Nines everyone makes mistakes. In five years, you did two. But so did I! Letting myself get captured twice? In your logic I’m at fault too then. And I highly doubt I deserved to die for that or lose my job. Shit happens. We can only try to do better next time.’
But Nines seemed too riled up to listen. ‘When will you finally understand I am not human?’, he near shouted. ‘I can’t try to do better. I know for certain I will react exactly the same should something like this happen again.’
‘Then I will do better for both of us!’, Gavin called back, fed up with Nines’ self-pity.
‘You said yourself there is no way of eliminating errors.’
‘Oh, phck you, Nines. If you just want me to listen, say so. If you want my help, don’t find excuses why it doesn’t apply to you! I know you are a machine! I know you are not human. I don’t care. You are still a person. And a person can always change. You already proofed that by being this troubled about the whole ordeal, when you were designed to be like that full time. If you want to quit police work, fine. I will still see you at home and I fully support you. But before you do so, give me one good reason besides being stuck in a thought spiral. I somehow doubt that you wouldn’t react the exact same way would you not work at the DPD and I was in danger. And I won’t quit this job, so that will happen someday.’ He sighed deeply, knowing they were both arguing about something they would solve that day or even that week.
He deflated and reduced his voice to a soft murmur: ‘Isn’t it better to do this together? So I can be there and help you should you lose control again?’
A wave of relief washed over him as he felt Nines’ shoulder press into his side at that. ‘Maybe’, the android admitted. ‘I think you are the only person in this world to stop me should it ever happen again, considering you at least partially caused it both times.’
Gavin’s huff ended in a groan at Nines’ hint of a smile. ‘Getting confident again?’
‘Not really. Depends on whether Fowler allows us both to continue working as Detectives after me slaughtering half a gang to protect you and you punching Perkins bloody to protect me.’
‘Come on, I’m safe on that and Allen’s fine, so you are probably fine, too’, Gavin waved the issue away, but his tone suggested he wasn’t too sure about that himself.
‘If you are right, we both owe Fowler big time’, Nines remarked, snuggling closer to Gavin already.
‘Oh, yeah, that will come to bite us in the ass someday’, Gavin agreed with only slight worry as he was sinking back against Nines, exhausted from one of the shittier days of his life, but happy to still have the chance to just lie here. Next to the love of his life.
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