Desirae

This is a poem I wrote today, enjoy and tell me how you think. :)

---

I have never taken the time to stop and think about how I am feeling. My emotions have become so numb and so fake that a question, “how are you?” that can be so easily answered “I am well”, yet I don’t even take a second to think if that is the slightest truth. My replies are so scripted you would think I had read them off of a paper. I say the same things almost every time. I want to ask people why they bother when they already know the answer.

To take the spotlight off of my mechanical replies I ask, “how are you?” Knowing they only asked me to brag about how perfect their day is going, I still listen with interest not breaking eye contact to show how little or how much I care. I find myself trailing off almost seeing right through them still listening but imagining myself in their shoes thinking, you don’t know how lucky you are. What is even worse is being asked the same question later in the day by a different person, “How are you?” “I am great, how are you?” This time it would seem that my mood has improved but it is just another line from the imaginary paper I find myself reading from.

This pattern reocurrs every day multiple times, my replies always vague and distorted from the truth even the rest of my day I find it hard to reach reality. I have slightly come to terms with my emotions in the way people come to terms with their enemies. With enemies, you can always forgive them and make yourself believe what they did won’t bother you anymore, with emotions you can tell yourself or others how you want to feel but inside you are just the opposite.