i was the son you always had.

DECEMBER ADAMOS has been accepted to participate ! they are a 25 year old all the way from LONDON, ENGLAND . HE is currently studying MARINE BIOLOGY at the interchange .

“Kind of fucked up I haven’t really noticed anyone but River since arriving, isn’t it? Reese is pretty, she has a good personality too, I think. That Lloyd dude was cute, seemed innocent. Cecilya is pretty, of course. Anyone with eyes would agree Ramona is aesthetically pleasing. And... well, River, yeah.”

she  wasn’t  ashamed  of  becoming  emotional  or  even  making  a  public  display  of  her  hurt  or  sadness  ,  it  was  something  that  existed  within  her  begging  to  be  released  .  she  was  ashamed  ,  though  ,  of  her  lack  of  feelings  ,  of  the  anger  that  seemed  to  linger  for  the  people  who  were  meant  to  love  &  protect  her  even  now  .  wiping  a  few  tears  from  her  eyes  as  she  listens  to  december  (  someone  she  would  implicitly  trust  despite  his  many  obvious  shortcomings  )  .  although  it  had  been  about  her  then  she  still  notes  his  response  and  quietly  ,  “  you’re  not  too  far  gone  .  you  can  be  happy  .  i’ve  seen  it  ,  “  she  says  ,  not  so  much  a  harshness  to  it  as  a  certainty  .  for  all  the  times  that  december  had  clearly  marked  himself  as  a  lost  cause  ,  she  certainly  never  saw  him  that  way  .  “  and  if  you  go  ,  when  you  go  ,  i’ll  never  question  that  you  cared  about  some  people  .  not  many  but  a  few  .  river  ,  chandler  ,  even  belva  and  emilio  …  me  .  “

“Good, I hope they don’t either.” A lump rose to his throat as he thought about Belva and Emilio. Where were his sisters now? Did they wonder the same about him? He should’ve checked in when he had the chance back in London. He swallowed it down --- there was no point to feel bad about it now, to feel sorry for himself. He’d failed to check in on them, like he failed to check in on everyone. He didn’t even check in on himself. It was over, it was done. He still had time, and he’d only end up wasting it, feeling sorry for himself longer. “I don’t just care about you,” he clarified softly, the words came out surprisingly easily, only slightly slurred. “I love you. As much as someone like me can allow himself to. And I’m the worst at making things like that known. But if I die tomorrow, you should know it.”

              ❝  i’d  like  to  think  i’m  being  more  of  a  safety  donut.  i’m  saving  you,  except  i’m  just  doing  it  from  beside  you.  aboard  the  boat.  before  the  incident  rather  than  after  it.  ❞  she  scrunches  her  nose,  her  words  spoken  with  an  air  of  jest,  ❝  plus,  i  don’t  work  for  free,  not  in  this  economy.  in  order  to  babysit  you,  i’d  require  hefty  compensation  for  my  efforts.  ❞  she  doesn’t  miss  the  mention  of  a  depressive  episode  and  decides  to  hide  her  curiosity  under  the  guise  of  small  talk.  ❝  so,  how’d  you  fare  in  africa?  it  wasn’t  as  enjoyable  as  i  was  hoping  it’d  be.  ❞

♡

“Hm, okay, yeah,” December hummed, “you’re shit out of luck if you’re expecting money from me, so unpaid safety donut it is.” He certainly didn’t have enough to spare. The fact that he even had any money at all was impressive to him, with as much as he spent on alcohol for his very restrained budget. A miracle. Or he liked to black out and rob banks, that was a possible option. “Horrendously. I thought I’d hate it, but I didn’t realize I’d hate it that much. I would literally rather jump off the boat and drown than go back.”

“uhm someone named turkey or - no, birdie. something with wings…think it’s birdie though cause nothing else makes sense.” for a second, river thought about adding that she wasn’t sleeping with her but it didn’t feel super necessary. “good because all i want to do is have a bottle to my lips for the entire evening and make some horrible choices.” which she did with or without the help of any substances. raising her eyebrows in his direction, river raised a finger and nodded only once. “they do have a bathroom, that’s a good point.” extending her arm a bit more, she ran her finger tip over his chest as they continued to walk towards their destination. “and now all i want is to see how much fun we can have in there.” honestly, if they could do enough to get kicked out, river would count that as a victory.

♡

“God, I hope it’s not Turkey for her sake, though I love the irony of it.” Though he supposed he didn’t have much room to judge, being named after a month and all. “Horrible choices are what I’m living for right now.” He genuinely didn’t think the time would ever pass, feeling like he’d be stuck in the previous location forever, but now that it finally had, he was ready to blow everything up again. And have the time of his life doing it. “Alright, let’s just make sure we’re buzzing enough before we get caught.” His eyes fell to her finger, he swore it left a trail of goosebumpbs underneath his shirt. “Not that I’d be embarrassed, we’ll probably never be back here, but, you know, I don’t want to risk getting escorted out one drink in.”

             ❝  nah,  not  misinformed.  ❞  not  according  to  her  research.  reese  knows  (  hopes  )  he’s  joking,  but  it  does  little  to  prevent  her  heartbeat  from  quickening.  ❝  okay,  now  i'm  for  surely  going;  gotta  make  sure  you  stay  a  passenger  on  the  boat!  ❞  fear  or  no  fear,  she’d  never  forgive  herself.  a  soft  laugh,  ❝  but  i  feel  like  i  should  have  a  drink  before  we  go  to  catch  up  with  you?  ❞  and  maybe  to  help  with  the  nerves.

♡

“I don’t need a babysitter,” December huffed, not truly offended. It probably would be smart to have someone else tag along so he didn’t end up doing something stupid. “Hell yeah! Let’s go find you a drink! I could use another one too, can’t let a depressive episode set in before I actually get to experience this boat trip.”

“Me too. It’s the best place to be, I hear.” Lloyd wasn’t exactly following what December was saying but he smiled nonetheless, looking around at everyone around them. “It is! Why does the sky look like that?” He questioned, looking up at the clear blue sky with wonder. “Yeah, I like boats. I’d love to go with you. Is it, like, a date? I’m Lloyd.”

♡

That was... forward. “I mean, it could be, but if you were smart you’d run far away from me,” he half-laughed, it was true. Besides, he wasn’t really in the position to be going on dates when his emotions were so wound up in someone else. “December. What do you mean ‘why does the sky look like that?’ What’s it supposed to look like?”

she  wants  to  nod  at  his  recollection  of  maia  athanas  ,  she  hadn’t  seen  nor  heard  about  that  woman  in  quite  some  years  but  she  still  remembered  her  long  fingertips  against  her  hair  in  the  strawberry  fields  .  a  warmth  and  an  emptiness  that  she  didn’t  recognise  in  her  own  mother  .  that  winter  when  december  had  stayed  in  her  home  then  her  mother  had  been  there  in  a  way  ,  a  ghost  that  haunted  the  halls  for  years  before  she  became  a  real  ghost  .  a  small  tremble  straightens  out  her  fingers  as  she  turns  away  to  look  elsewhere  .  “  no  ,  i  don’t  think  so  ,  “  she  says  evenly  ,  no  quiver  in  her  voice  although  it  might  be  deserved  for  the  topic  .  “  i  don’t  miss  my  mother  .  it’s  mothers  day  and  i  can’t  help  but  think  maybe  she’s  happy  not  being  here  at  all  because  we  never  seemed  to  please  her  much  when  she  was  still  around  .  “  

He understood to an extent. He could say the same about Vidal, but it was a little different. He hated him. He didn’t want to please him, there had been a time he hoped for that but as he got older he realized how pointless it was. “People will probably say the same thing about me when I’m gone,” he realized aloud. “But that doesn’t mean I didn’t love them. It just means I wasn’t...” He hesitated. What? Wasn’t capable of showing it? He was. He could easily tell Chandler how much it meant to him that the guy had stuck by him for so many years. He could easily -- well, somewhat easily -- tell River how much she actually meant to him. Cecilya too, for that matter. But he didn’t. “Some people are just too far gone, Ce. It doesn’t mean that you are or were incapable of making them happy. They’re... incapable of letting themselves feel it, is all.”

a soft laugh pressed through their lips. “that’s okay, they aren’t for everyone.” ramona let her eyes gaze around them. “turkey is just so unique, i figured it would be nice to take a keepsake along for the ride, and i’m a big plant person.”

♡

“It is unique, I like it here,” December agreed. “Though I think I’d like anywhere that isn’t Uganda right now. Next time they try to send me somewhere with strict alcohol laws and no AC, I think I’m dropping out. So, do you bring your plants to all the different climates? How do you keep them from shrivling up or freezing?”