upupupu!

"Upupu, I'm sure when the school was last being remodeled, someone considered adding ramps and an elevator, which they did! Or, at least the elevator. Upu, but this part is a bear to tell, the elevators in the first building and second building are busted! Busted so much that even your great headmaster bear couldn't fix the elevator even if he wanted to [which he doesn't]! So you're out of luck!"

"I hope you bastards have enjoyed waking up to this despairing good holiday~! Oh you didn't know? Its Bearoween, or as you bastards might call it, Halloween! Since I didn't keep you bastards informed on this bearforehand, your headmaster has decided to sell costumes in the Monobear Gift Store for the entirety of this month, not just that, but special drinks that I'm sure you bastards will love. Just take a drink and wait for the amazing results. Anyway, the Gift room is now filled with costumes, so you bastards can dress up as anything you desire [except me of course upupu]. I already have a costume picked out; I'm Gareki from the beautiful Hope's Peak series. The costume even came with a working gun! (Note: normal gareki costumes will not come with actual guns. Only goggles that can only be worn incorrectly.)" "I'm sure you bastards will love this part; today is an incredibly easy day to kill! A normal bastard could dress up as someone else and easily kill someone. Then, any witnesses wouldn't be able to report any specifics on that culprit's costume without blaming others who wore the same thing! Its the perfect crime. Good luck on this day of killing you bastards, and you all have to buy your own candy!!"

"Upupu, sounds like you bastards are in the dark on what to do~! Well, the school is suffering from a bit of an electribear problem, so you're going to have to live without certain things like running water and cooked food. But, we have safe bottled water and food that doesn't need to be cooked, so you bastards should be fine!! Oh, and of course the lights are out, so you bastards are going to have to act like bats for a bit. More importantly, the cameras and air recirculation system both are working thanks to a backup Monogenerator, so you bastards can breath easy. Upupu, have fun with being blind!!"

"Probably never. You seem like the type to get killed off earlier in the story for not being interesting. Upupu, you bastards better hope that comes true!!"

"Upupu, do you think I'm some baby sitter service! You bastards should know already that your headmaster is much too important to be dealing with simple baby sitting services!! If you really want to find a baby sitter, check the school board."

"Oh! The rooms without bastards in them don't require keys, since no ID card is currently synced to the room's door. You bastards better enjoy the work I did for you~!"

"That's a stupid request! But I wasn't expecting much from a stupid bastard! I'm not going to give you bastards a tv!! You have books and some dvds in the AV room, so I'm not going to give you anything else!! Upupu, besides that could end really dangerously!!"

A SHSL douchebag chemist would say otherwise

"Upupu, oh well. No use crying over spilled pee! I'm not the one who uses that room anyway. But, I'l go ahead and put a chemical in the pool that turns pee blue!! Just for the swimmers." 

"That goes double for the storage room!! I added all sorts of new items you bastards can use, plus a few sad memories. But if you haven't seen them already, then they're probably lost in the junk! I didn't add any XXX stuff, since this IS still a school. Upupu, oh, and if anyone destroys an entire room again, I'll execute you personally!!"

"Upupu! So one of you bastards decided to take a step out and ask for the end!! I would admire your courage, if you weren't such a grade A idiot! If I let you die, then I lose one of my favorite sources of entertainment!! Plus, the lack of sleep must be really getting to you!" Another laugh, a strong one at that. "I'll keep bringing you back no matter how many times you tell me to stop!! It's just too much fun to watch you despair over and over. So have fun with death, and try not to let it spoil the love life! Upupu, unless you want to make the show even better for me! The more despair, the better."

"Oh! Today is also National Beheading day in Japan!! So if you break any rules, you'll know what will happen!!"

"I gave you a door! Then you broke it. It's happened twice now, and I don't want to waste money if its going to happen again!! So no!"

"Upupu, done! Except the baby you're stuck with until the event is over and the child reaches maturity!!"

"And I'm a bear! But you don't see me complaining about crying! I can give you a jar of tears, but it won't help you cry any time soon!!"

"Upupu, just kidding! Did you really think I would let you all out?"