forgive me father.

     it wasn’t every day that catalina was actually interested in the things other people had to say. usually, she just had to seem intrigued to keep up an act but while watching the king speak, she was truthfully gripped by the topic of a simple book. she was taken aback when he offered it to her, the surprise evident from her agape mouth. she tried to speak but all she could muster was a nervous chuckle. “but your majesty, if you claim it was boring..” the brunette trailed off. catalina bit down on her lip and stared at the book as if there was a battle going on in her head. eventually, she gave in. “thank you sire.” she nodded, carefully taking it from him. slender fingers brushed against the outline of it’s title. “machiavelli.” she muttered to herself. she looked back up intently and said, “the author, i mean. that’s the author. i heard he passed 5 years before it was published.” a small frown etched pink lips. “i’ve known authors that have dedicated their whole life to writing simply one book. i couldn’t imagine spending my years doing something only to die before seeing it come to life.”

     catalina tried not to look too surprised. she had seen the portugal king before and it was ODD to ever see that man with a smile. though her eyebrows furrowed a bit, the small gesture was brushed off and the handmaiden nodded in response. “yes, my lord.” she moved towards the table and set the tray down gently. her eyes caught a momentary glance at the book in his hand but it was long enough to peak the brunette’s interest. she hadn’t been able to read a book in awhile and strangely enough, being in it’s presence brought memories of her mother: the woman who’d gone against social standard’s and taught catalina how to even read. “forgive my curiosity, sire,” she paused and motioned towards the book. “but may i ask what you are reading?”

     the handmaiden cursed loudly in her head. she regretted taking kitchen duty that night, now she was stuck serving food to a king who seemed like he didn’t want the company. she opened the door with one hand and held the tray in the other, a sheepish smile creeping on her lips as she revealed herself. “sire.” both hands were gripped around the tray now, legs bending into a low curtsy. “i’m sorry if i have bothered you, your majesty. i was told to give his highness supper.” catalina stood there almost awkwardly, waiting for his response. oh, it was times like this where the young brunette wished she didn’t have to keep up her dreadful act.

      there are three rules in the assassin handbook: ONE, do not let your emotions cloud your judgement, TWO, always finish the job, and THREE, look at rule number one. only three rules she had trained herself to follow and yet in the short time she’d been at french court, catalina had already broken all three. because once you break the first, and also the most important, rule of them all, the scattered puzzle pieces in your mind come together and create something that wasn’t there before: a conscious. and to think, this all happened because of a certain estonian duchess. perhaps if catalina hadn’t fallen for the young blonde that things would be different           that she’d still be killing mercilessly without an image of blanche’s disapproving expression flashing through her head. but now she was here, standing on the balcony where they’d first met and thinking of only her. muffled voices emitted from the inside of the castle but other than that, there were just chirping crickets and still trees to keep her company. catalina continued to stare out into the sunset until the sound of tapping feet caught her attention. after turning her head and catching a glimpse of golden hair, it didn’t take long to realize who it was. ( speak of the devil ). catalina turned her attention back to the horizon and pursed her lips tightly, trying not to allow a reaction to spill out of her. “your grace.” her tone was sharp and cold. “perhaps you should be attending to your quarters now. it is getting quite dark and i’m not so sure that with the recent events, a woman of your standing should be out here at night.” 

     oh, how catalina hated her unfamiliar surroundings. a fowl expression spread across her face as she continued down the seemingly infinite hallway. however luxurious and grand french court may have been, the size, combined with the foreignness of the building, made it a labyrinth for those who’ve yet to become accustomed to it’s stone walls. spanish court had a much more desirable place in her heart, even if she wasn’t allowed to bask in it’s splendor for too long. her fast pacing came to a slow stop after hearing what appeared to be frustration. the handmaiden took a few steps back and stood at the start of another hallway, head inclined towards the young brunette. “forgive me if i’m wrong, but are you lost, my lady?”

     and suddenly, catalina had a profound yearning to be in her previous state: kneeling before an obnoxious nobleman and cleaning up a mess that wasn’t entirely her fault. at least the former man was frank about his crudeness        now she was here, stuck in a game of “when will she break” with a king whom intentions were absolutely unknown to her. chestnut orbs threatened to fall into a piercing glare but she fought away the compulsion and instead, plastered on faux confusion. “it is not confidence, your highness. that would look quite different.” there was more sharpness in her voice then she meant to let on. “it was simply my clumsiness and my memory, though i suppose if your majesty has thought to have seen me somewhere, then you are right         forgive me, perhaps it is i that’s been mistaken.” catalina rested both hands calmly in front of her skirt and added, “have you been to spain, sire? i am her royal highness’s handmaiden, maybe we have crossed paths there?” lie, lie, lie.

     blood rushed to her cheeks as the king’s lips pressed against her knuckles. the pinkish hue appearing on her tanned skin was evidence of catalina’s embarrassment        not by his actions, however bold they might’ve been, but by his words. she had been caught in a lie. her first instinct was to say something smart, though she thought otherwise and held her tongue: the assassin was playing a role at court that couldn’t be tarnished by a one night stand. “why sire,” she uttered, “i am sure i’d recognize his majesty anywhere if i’d seen him before.” her voice was cool and steady, despite the rapid beating of her heart. she kept her seemingly unaware facade and glanced around the room, trying to spot anyone who looked interested in her conversation. thankfully, everyone else looked preoccupied. catalina looked back at the man standing before her and offered him a tight-lipped smile. “after all, what matters would a king such as yourself have with me? perhaps you’ve been mistaken, your majesty.”

     "my lady, i fear that my job does not always entitle me to the kindness you speak of.” a warm smile adorned the brunette’s face. “and although i will admit it can be quite harsh, it has also taught me strength. so there’s no need to worry about me, miss.” catalina motioned towards the window and added, “besides, i should be grateful for my work here at the castle. life outside these walls can be, if not more, cruel.”

     mierda! that was the first word that came to mind after catching a glimpse of the man’s face. he towered over her with a good foot or so and crushed catalina underneath a wall of surprise. she’s had her handful of careless nights with people she barely knew but the person standing in front of her did not look at all like the one she stumbled upon in greece. sharp authority and clothes fit for a KING could not compare to the common rags she had last seen him wearing. her jaw dropped slightly as she watched him speak to the other guests, eyes glossed over with disbelief and alarm. catalina froze when he turned his attention on her. please don’t recognize me, she thought. him realizing that he had slept with a mere servant struck embarrassment right into the girl’s heart. she hesitated before taking the other’s outstretched hand. “ah, thank you, your majesty.” she chuckled nervously and stood. she kept her head down and proceeded to curtsy, trying her best not to meet his eyes. “you are very kind, sire. it is an honor for me to be in the presence of a king.” the word felt foreign coming out of her mouth, for in the time she had spent in his company, royalty was farthest from what she thought he’d be.

     “he didn’t seem that     “ she glanced over to where the duke had once stood, “vile.” the lie seeped through her teeth as easily as air but of course, the unpleasant expression she held did not match her words. catalina had an extreme dislike for those who used their regality as an excuse to treat others below them as scum. not that she could ever say such thoughts out loud, biting her tongue has saved the girl’s life one too many times. “but still, i am gracious to people like you, your majesty. it’s not every day a queen like yourself helps someone like me.”

     catalina could see how tense the queen was at the sight of the wine. after the attempt on a king’s life, she couldn’t blame her for being so. she nodded obediently at her request and beckoned another servant to come take the glass away. once he was out of sight, the handmaiden turned back to the other woman and motioned towards the rest of the food across the table. “did you want anything else, your highness?” she asked. but catalina was secretly hoping she didn’t. being a servant at any court, regardless of country, was horridly exhausting. 

     the sight of the noble alone caught catalina’s attention right away; the other brunette was literally waltzing in the garden. dark orbs darted towards the flowers in her hands and the rim of her dress, which was stained in what appeared to be grass and dirt. strange, she thought. and albeit it was unusual, it was also kind of amusing. catalina approached her with light feet and curtsied before saying, “yes, it is quite beautiful, your grace.” she tilted her head a bit and thought of her next words very keenly. a moment paused before she brushed her hands against her skirt and spoke again. “if i may be so bold, what happens when the flowers die, my lady? we must remember that though they are enchanting, flowers can only live so long. soon the winter will come and where will you be? indoors or out?”

     she hurriedly grabbed at the remaining silverware and food, trying her best not to stare as the russian woman gave her assailant a rather stern talking to. her hands came to a slow stop when he left and curiosity etched her mind while watching the girl’s next movements. once she realized that she was probably staring a little bit too hard, catalina cleared her throat loudly and resumed to fix everything into place. the sides of her lips couldn’t help but slant upwards after hearing the mention of men and ruling the world. “i don’t think it’s my place to say anything about that matter, my lady.” her voice was low but it held a concealed agreement and the following gaze she gave her was a knowing one. catalina picked up the tray and finally stood, a small smile plastered across her smooth features. “i’m quite alright, thank you.” she laughed softly then added, “it’s nothing that hasn’t happened before.” she glanced down at the tray in her hands and then back up into the woman’s forest-like eyes. catalina recognized her        which was not surprising at all. the assassin made it her job to know every face and name at court. she bowed her head slightly and curtsied. “my lady alyona, i hope that wasn’t too much trouble for you, surely there are more important things a woman of your status is to do than this.”