I wanna die. Not commit suicide because that would piss off my parents more so than they already are, being already livid at me due to my incapability to get what they think is a decent grade at my new school, but disappear. I donβt hate my life, actually quite the opposite itβs been what I could only describe as decent: I have a handpicked, adequate set of friends, a girlfriend (yeah I know, shocker) and, much to my parentβs dismay, Iβm doing decent at school. However - not to be melodramatic - I feel like life has hit that βboring fazeβ where everythingβs just really shit and I have no choice but to go along for the ride, not to mention all the obnoxious troubles being a teenager has on you (whether due to your age or not). And I know everyone has problems and that they can be overcomed (because everyone has done it). Iβm not looking for pity or wisdomous advice that will miraculously make me believe in God and that I have a purpose and I wasnβt an accident. But itβs gotten to the point where Iβm just asking myself βwhat the fuck is even happening?β And again I donβt want to kill myself, but I just want to find a solution (to this obsession of mine) on how to disappear from this world. No one missing me. No one mourning me. No one even remembering me. I genuinely, really want to leave this Earth. I am not a miracle and I do not have a purpose. I was just the mistake of my two loving parents getting frisky one night. Currently I seem to be living a repetitive, disfunctional life; bloody waking up at 7:00 in the morning to head to school only to be taught shit that either I donβt care for or donβt care to enough to learn (although my Film Studies is quite interesting). This amazing 5-hour amalgamation of stress and depression is topped off by a quick hour chill sesh, and then back into the fray with the hundreds of prep (aka homework) I am assigned to do every single day. Again this boarding school curriculum is quite an obnoxious one as it downgrades every single day of your supposedly miraculous life to just boredom. Straight up boredom. As well as academia being horrendous, the people here are complete aliens. The teachers (mostly Oxbridge taught) are complete bellends in the fact that they ignore the students that are struggling - to which I am one of them - to go on and complete the course, aiding the students that are completely on the ball and Einstein levels of genius (that honestly have a better shot at getting into a Russell Group university). Deadass, there are some smart fuckers in this school. Although the teachers seem like a pisstake, the students are even more alien than them. Being from a totally different area of the city, I am seen as an outsider to them. The school is filled with rich kids, but not stuck-up ones: 80% of the school are white, privileged children (to which their parents are either politicians or bureaucrats), 10% are rich Chinese kids, that I assume are coming to the city for the better education their parents want for them and the final 10% regarded as other: boarding students that arenβt from China, exchange students, visiting pupils that are only there due to their parents having a business trip to the city, as well as new boys (which includes myself). Oh right, did I mention I go to a boyβs school? Tragic.
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