โค ๐๐
๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ - one shot
perry miller x fem!reader
tag : angsty, set in the early 1900s, some things may not be time accurate (iโm trying my best), yearning.., title based from the song by jeff buckley (HIGHLY recommend listening to while you read), happy ending yay, sorta long.
request from @whimsicallyy
Things used to be so simple between the two of you. Before Perry went off to war, years before, everything seemed perfect. Perry worked on your parentโs farm as a chore boy. He was a great farmhand, your parents praised him for that. And Perry was very nice. You and him became friends quickly. Soon, you two were inseparable, often described as being โattached by the hip.โ
Within time, you started to gain feelings for Perry. Blushing when you were near him, that feeling of butterflies in your stomach, and laughing too hard at his jokes. Perry liked you as well. But neither of you ever acted on these feelings.
Your parents really did love Perry. But in their eyes, he was just a chore boy. So, neither you nor Perry ever spoke about your feelings for one another. And you stayed best friends, having an unspoken understanding of your shared attraction.
A few years went by, and Perry joined the military. He was going to South Africa to fight in the Boer War. You cried the day he left, not knowing if he would be safe or not. But you couldnโt do anything about it. So you said your goodbyes and hoped for the best.
A long time had passed since Perry went off to war. A lot of things had changed. For one, you recently got engaged to a wealthy man named Raymond. It wasnโt your choice of course. But you had to comply.
Youโd been thinking a lot recently. Taking time to just look deep into your soul. And youโve realized something. You loved Perry. And you couldnโt even do anything about it.
One day, you were inside your room, looking out your window. You were just watching the birds that flew around the farm. You enjoyed the peace and quiet. Recently, youโd been so caught up in wedding arrangements that youโve began to feel exhausted.
As you were looking outside, you saw a figure walking near the fence. You leaned closer to the window, squinting your eyes to see the person better. But your eyes widened when you got a good look at them.
You immediately sprung up from your bed. You ran downstairs, almost tripping on the way. You swung the front door open.
โPerry!โ You shouted, running towards him.
He looked over when he heard your voice, his lips twisting into a smile. โWell, hello!โ
You ran into his arms. God, did you miss the feeling. You stayed in his arms for a moment, just enjoying to have him back. Eventually you pulled back.
โYouโre back?โ You ask, in disbelief.
โI got discharged! You donโt know how glad I am to be home.โ He grinned back at you.
You didnโt say anything more, just pulled him back into your arms. You didnโt even notice the sound the door opening again.
โPerry? Is that you?โ You heard your fatherโs voice.
You looked over your shoulder, seeing your father walk out. You stepped back from him.
โSure is me.โ He replied back. โI got discharged.โ
โThatโs great news! Weโve certainly missed you around here.โ Your father said. โPerfect timing you came around. Dinner is almost ready.โ
โOh, great!โ Perry exclaimed.
Dinner was nice for the most part, everyone eating the midday meal together. Mostly, you were just glad to have Perry back. Made you forget about the situation with Raymond.
โSo, whatโs been happening since I left?โ Perry asked.
โOh, great things!โโ Your mother suddenly turned to you. โDo you want to tell him or should I?โ
โUh,โ you hesitated for a moment. โIโm engagedโฆโ
You avoided Perryโs gaze, but you could feel his eyes on you. He was silent for a moment.
โHis name is Raymond. Heโs quite wealthy! We think heโs the perfect match!โ Your mother beamed.
You bit your tongue. You hated Raymond. Truthfully, you did. He was rude and so disrespectful towards you. You just wanted dinner to be over.
Soon, it was. The rest of the day, you didnโt talk about Raymond to Perry. Things felt awkward now. Supper was filled with tension. And when it was over you hurriedly went back to your bedroom.
You couldnโt fall asleep. You laid awake in bed, tossing and turning. The room was quiet. Too quiet. But the silence was soon interrupted by a soft knock at your door.
You got up and started to walk over to the door. Opening it, to see Perry standing there.
โOh, Perry itโs you.โ You said, a little surprised to see him. โWhat are you doing here?โ
โWell, we didnโt get to talk much today. Thought Iโd come and see you.โ He explained.
โItโs awfully late.โ You pointed out.
โI know. But weโre both awake arenโt we?โ
You stayed silent for a moment before opening the door wider. โCome in.โ
He smiled slightly before waking in. Sitting on your bed, he looked up at you.
โSoโฆYou got engaged.โ He stated.
โThat is correct.โ You replied, sitting next to him.
โIs a he good man?โ He questioned.
โโฆOf course.โ You said, avoiding eye contact.
โAre you surโ โWhat are you trying to say, Perry?โ
โIโm not trying to say anything. Just making sure heโs a nice fella.โ He muttered.
โHeโs not a good manโฆโ You admitted, your voice quiet. โFrankly, Iโm dreading the day I marry him.โ
โWhat has he done?โ He asked.
โHeโs justโฆHeโs quite rude and disrespectful towards me. And not to mention the fact that heโs much older than me. Though, my parents donโt care about that. Theyโre blinded by his wealth.โ You said.
โYou donโt have to listen to your parents. Youโre old enough to make your own decisions.โ
โThat would be foolish of me.โ You sighed.
โSo, youโre just going to marry a man who you donโt love, who is rude to you, and is much older than you?โ He asked.
โI donโt have a choice!โ You snapped.
Perry clenched his jaw and got up off the bed.
โIโm sorry, Perry. Iโm just stressed.โ You apologized.
He looked back at you, his eyes softer now. โItโs alright. I understand. But I should leave, itโs late.โ
You watched him as he left. You pinched the bridge of your nose, feeling bad for snapping at him. Everything has been too much lately. And with Perry coming back, things only got more complicated.
Days passed, the tension between you and Perry only got thicker. You barely spoke to each other. And you hated it so much. The distance between you two felt so far.
The wedding day was getting closer now. And Perry finally got to meet Raymond. Their interaction was very awkward, Perry was cold to him and Raymond acted like Perry was beneath him. Safe to say, they did not like each other.
You felt trapped. You had to be married to a man you didnโt even love. And the man you did love? You couldnโt be with him. Oftentimes, you would go outside and walk around to clear your head. You were doing that one day when someone walked up to you.
You two fell into step together, not speaking. It stayed like that for a little bit. But Perry spoke. โDo you remember when we were younger and weโd go play in the forest.โ
โYeah. Those were good timesโฆI miss those days.โ You reminisced.
Perry suddenly stopped in his tracks. You turned towards him, wondering why he stopped walking.
Your heart started pounding against your chest. โPerry, Iโโ
โNow just hold on for one minute. Let me speak.โ He interrupted. โWhat happened? I come back from the war and youโve completely changed. For what? For a fella whoโs just gonna make your life miserable? I donโt get it. Are you really going through with this?โ
โI donโt have a choice. I already told you this.โ You said
โYou do have a choice.โ He argued.
โI donโt! If I say no Iโll get thrown out, Iโd just become another beggar on the streets! I have to go through with thisโฆโ Your voice quieter now. โItโs better for me anyway. I wonโt be poor no more, Iโll finally have wealth and Iโll be happy.
โWealth does not mean happiness. Youโll still be filled with sorrow.โ He claimed. โWhat do you really want?โ
โLord, wonโt you stop arguing?โฆI donโt want to do this, Perry. But I really donโt have a choice. It doesnโt matter if Iโm miserable, Iโve been miserable ever since youโve left! Iโd rather just marry him and drown my tears in wealth than admit what I dream of!โ You shouted.
โJust admit what you want!โ His voice getting louder.
โI want you!โ You yelled.
Perryโs eyes widened slightly but he stayed quiet.
โI feel so foolish but I canโt help it. I love you, Perry Miller. And it kills me that I canโt be with you.โ Tears started to well up in your eyes. โEvery time I see you, I just think of how I canโt have you. So, yeah, this marriage may not be something I want. But Iโm not gonna fight it. And for you and me. We should just leave each other alone.โ
Silence fell around you two. Perry looked speechless, with sadness in his eyes.
โItโs better this way.โ You whispered.
The day before the wedding came. You just had supper and now you were up in your room, reading. You couldnโt focus on the words on the page. Your mind was too cluttered with thoughts. You were absolutely dreading tomorrow. It was supposed to be a magical day but it just felt like an obligation. Because it was.
Out of nowhere, a knock came from the door. Thinking it was your one of your parents you answered. โCome in.โ
You quickly straightened out your posture, making sure you looked presentable. But when you looked up, you saw Perry.
โI thought I told you I didnโt want to talk to youโฆโ You said.
โPlease, just give me a chance to say something.โ He pleaded.
You hesitated for a moment. This was already hard as it is. You didnโt want to make it worse. But you ended up nodding.
โThe truth isโฆI love you too.โ He admits. โAnd I could not bear to lose you. Not again. I know you think you donโt have a choice. But you doโฆWe could run away, together. Damn all who disapproves.โ
โPerry, I canโtโโ
Youโre cut off by him abruptly kissing you. Youโre surprised at first, but his hands cradle your jaw and you feel yourself melting into it. Your hands trail up to his hair, tangling in the brunet strands. He pulls away slightly. โPlease, run away with meโฆโ
You look into his blue eyes, and something in you crumbles. You start nodding. โYes, yes. Iโll run away with you.โ
A smile tugs onto his lips until he breaks out into a full grin as he pulls you back into a kiss.
And at that moment, you felt a huge weight lifted off your chest.
Everything was going to be alright.
