perry miller x fem!reader
tag : angsty, set in the early 1900s, some things may not be time accurate (i’m trying my best), yearning.., title based from the song by jeff buckley (HIGHLY recommend listening to while you read), happy ending yay, sorta long.
request from @whimsicallyy
Things used to be so simple between the two of you. Before Perry went off to war, years before, everything seemed perfect. Perry worked on your parent’s farm as a chore boy. He was a great farmhand, your parents praised him for that. And Perry was very nice. You and him became friends quickly. Soon, you two were inseparable, often described as being “attached by the hip.”
Within time, you started to gain feelings for Perry. Blushing when you were near him, that feeling of butterflies in your stomach, and laughing too hard at his jokes. Perry liked you as well. But neither of you ever acted on these feelings.
Your parents really did love Perry. But in their eyes, he was just a chore boy. So, neither you nor Perry ever spoke about your feelings for one another. And you stayed best friends, having an unspoken understanding of your shared attraction.
A few years went by, and Perry joined the military. He was going to South Africa to fight in the Boer War. You cried the day he left, not knowing if he would be safe or not. But you couldn’t do anything about it. So you said your goodbyes and hoped for the best.
A long time had passed since Perry went off to war. A lot of things had changed. For one, you recently got engaged to a wealthy man named Raymond. It wasn’t your choice of course. But you had to comply.
You’d been thinking a lot recently. Taking time to just look deep into your soul. And you’ve realized something. You loved Perry. And you couldn’t even do anything about it.
One day, you were inside your room, looking out your window. You were just watching the birds that flew around the farm. You enjoyed the peace and quiet. Recently, you’d been so caught up in wedding arrangements that you’ve began to feel exhausted.
As you were looking outside, you saw a figure walking near the fence. You leaned closer to the window, squinting your eyes to see the person better. But your eyes widened when you got a good look at them.
You immediately sprung up from your bed. You ran downstairs, almost tripping on the way. You swung the front door open.
“Perry!” You shouted, running towards him.
He looked over when he heard your voice, his lips twisting into a smile. “Well, hello!”
You ran into his arms. God, did you miss the feeling. You stayed in his arms for a moment, just enjoying to have him back. Eventually you pulled back.
“You’re back?” You ask, in disbelief.
“I got discharged! You don’t know how glad I am to be home.” He grinned back at you.
You didn’t say anything more, just pulled him back into your arms. You didn’t even notice the sound the door opening again.
“Perry? Is that you?” You heard your father’s voice.
You looked over your shoulder, seeing your father walk out. You stepped back from him.
“Sure is me.” He replied back. “I got discharged.”
“That’s great news! We’ve certainly missed you around here.” Your father said. “Perfect timing you came around. Dinner is almost ready.”
“Oh, great!” Perry exclaimed.
Dinner was nice for the most part, everyone eating the midday meal together. Mostly, you were just glad to have Perry back. Made you forget about the situation with Raymond.
“So, what’s been happening since I left?” Perry asked.
“Oh, great things!—“ Your mother suddenly turned to you. “Do you want to tell him or should I?”
“Uh,” you hesitated for a moment. “I’m engaged…”
You avoided Perry’s gaze, but you could feel his eyes on you. He was silent for a moment.
“His name is Raymond. He’s quite wealthy! We think he’s the perfect match!” Your mother beamed.
You bit your tongue. You hated Raymond. Truthfully, you did. He was rude and so disrespectful towards you. You just wanted dinner to be over.
Soon, it was. The rest of the day, you didn’t talk about Raymond to Perry. Things felt awkward now. Supper was filled with tension. And when it was over you hurriedly went back to your bedroom.
You couldn’t fall asleep. You laid awake in bed, tossing and turning. The room was quiet. Too quiet. But the silence was soon interrupted by a soft knock at your door.
You got up and started to walk over to the door. Opening it, to see Perry standing there.
“Oh, Perry it’s you.” You said, a little surprised to see him. “What are you doing here?”
“Well, we didn’t get to talk much today. Thought I’d come and see you.” He explained.
“It’s awfully late.” You pointed out.
“I know. But we’re both awake aren’t we?”
You stayed silent for a moment before opening the door wider. “Come in.”
He smiled slightly before waking in. Sitting on your bed, he looked up at you.
“So…You got engaged.” He stated.
“That is correct.” You replied, sitting next to him.
“Is a he good man?” He questioned.
“…Of course.” You said, avoiding eye contact.
“Are you sur— “What are you trying to say, Perry?”
“I’m not trying to say anything. Just making sure he’s a nice fella.” He muttered.
“He’s not a good man…” You admitted, your voice quiet. “Frankly, I’m dreading the day I marry him.”
“What has he done?” He asked.
“He’s just…He’s quite rude and disrespectful towards me. And not to mention the fact that he’s much older than me. Though, my parents don’t care about that. They’re blinded by his wealth.” You said.
“You don’t have to listen to your parents. You’re old enough to make your own decisions.”
“That would be foolish of me.” You sighed.
“So, you’re just going to marry a man who you don’t love, who is rude to you, and is much older than you?” He asked.
“I don’t have a choice!” You snapped.
Perry clenched his jaw and got up off the bed.
“I’m sorry, Perry. I’m just stressed.” You apologized.
He looked back at you, his eyes softer now. “It’s alright. I understand. But I should leave, it’s late.”
You watched him as he left. You pinched the bridge of your nose, feeling bad for snapping at him. Everything has been too much lately. And with Perry coming back, things only got more complicated.
Days passed, the tension between you and Perry only got thicker. You barely spoke to each other. And you hated it so much. The distance between you two felt so far.
The wedding day was getting closer now. And Perry finally got to meet Raymond. Their interaction was very awkward, Perry was cold to him and Raymond acted like Perry was beneath him. Safe to say, they did not like each other.
You felt trapped. You had to be married to a man you didn’t even love. And the man you did love? You couldn’t be with him. Oftentimes, you would go outside and walk around to clear your head. You were doing that one day when someone walked up to you.
You two fell into step together, not speaking. It stayed like that for a little bit. But Perry spoke. “Do you remember when we were younger and we’d go play in the forest.”
“Yeah. Those were good times…I miss those days.” You reminisced.
Perry suddenly stopped in his tracks. You turned towards him, wondering why he stopped walking.
Your heart started pounding against your chest. “Perry, I—“
“Now just hold on for one minute. Let me speak.” He interrupted. “What happened? I come back from the war and you’ve completely changed. For what? For a fella who’s just gonna make your life miserable? I don’t get it. Are you really going through with this?”
“I don’t have a choice. I already told you this.” You said
“You do have a choice.” He argued.
“I don’t! If I say no I’ll get thrown out, I’d just become another beggar on the streets! I have to go through with this…” Your voice quieter now. “It’s better for me anyway. I won’t be poor no more, I’ll finally have wealth and I’ll be happy.
“Wealth does not mean happiness. You’ll still be filled with sorrow.” He claimed. “What do you really want?”
“Lord, won’t you stop arguing?…I don’t want to do this, Perry. But I really don’t have a choice. It doesn’t matter if I’m miserable, I’ve been miserable ever since you’ve left! I’d rather just marry him and drown my tears in wealth than admit what I dream of!” You shouted.
“Just admit what you want!” His voice getting louder.
“I want you!” You yelled.
Perry’s eyes widened slightly but he stayed quiet.
“I feel so foolish but I can’t help it. I love you, Perry Miller. And it kills me that I can’t be with you.” Tears started to well up in your eyes. “Every time I see you, I just think of how I can’t have you. So, yeah, this marriage may not be something I want. But I’m not gonna fight it. And for you and me. We should just leave each other alone.”
Silence fell around you two. Perry looked speechless, with sadness in his eyes.
“It’s better this way.” You whispered.
The day before the wedding came. You just had supper and now you were up in your room, reading. You couldn’t focus on the words on the page. Your mind was too cluttered with thoughts. You were absolutely dreading tomorrow. It was supposed to be a magical day but it just felt like an obligation. Because it was.
Out of nowhere, a knock came from the door. Thinking it was your one of your parents you answered. “Come in.”
You quickly straightened out your posture, making sure you looked presentable. But when you looked up, you saw Perry.
“I thought I told you I didn’t want to talk to you…” You said.
“Please, just give me a chance to say something.” He pleaded.
You hesitated for a moment. This was already hard as it is. You didn’t want to make it worse. But you ended up nodding.
“The truth is…I love you too.” He admits. “And I could not bear to lose you. Not again. I know you think you don’t have a choice. But you do…We could run away, together. Damn all who disapproves.”
You’re cut off by him abruptly kissing you. You’re surprised at first, but his hands cradle your jaw and you feel yourself melting into it. Your hands trail up to his hair, tangling in the brunet strands. He pulls away slightly. “Please, run away with me…”
You look into his blue eyes, and something in you crumbles. You start nodding. “Yes, yes. I’ll run away with you.”
A smile tugs onto his lips until he breaks out into a full grin as he pulls you back into a kiss.
And at that moment, you felt a huge weight lifted off your chest.
Everything was going to be alright.
