ahsah dude

I’d have to wait months or even years for another chance to reblog this, so why the fuck not?

I’d have to wait months or even years for another chance to reblog this, so why the fuck not?

today i was talking to my coworker jess and she said to me “i’ve been trying to think of how to tell my husband that i want a horse. i’m really non confrontational and i don’t know how to tell him. like, thanks for the flowers, but i want a horse.” and i was like, “well, you could always send him subliminal messages. like tape pictures of horses all over the walls and stuff” and she gave me this really weird look and was like “i said divorce not horse“ oh my god…

classic material

im glad to report that Hot Dr Pepper was a success at my christmas dinner

might be because i told everyone it was tea at first, except my cousin who saw me pouring a bottle of dr pepper into a hot pan and just immediately went “woah can i have some of that”

If you had five billion you could hop from job to job, calling entitled customers idiots all across your city, putting the fear of You into every shithead in town until people become afraid to be rude to servers and cashiers, lest you emerge from the back room like some kind of manners-enforcing specter

I’m a bottom and I don’t arch. In fact, i intentionally arch my back the opposite way to give the visual of a dog throwing up a bit of sausage or something. Here’s my NewYorkTimesArticle.com/bravery piece on my oppression.