she asks me what dr pepper tastes like and i say not everything tastes like something else

Scooby-Doo is a dog who can talk, which is amazing, and he largely uses his powers of speech to communicate how scared he is of ghosts and monsters, and basically the only thing his owners do is drive him around the country putting him inside various haunted houses and such. I wish I could take Scooby-Doo aside, I want to say to him, these people are not your friends.

not to sound like a christian facebook mom but some of yall need to have grace in your hearts for the people in your lives or the people you pass once on the road and never see again like you literally need to stop assuming the worst of everyone and their intentions it is poisoning your brain. you can be careful and responsible without being a miserable person. it is possible i promise

I love that the ibuprofen knows where to go

Rupaul's Stanford Prison Experiment

i hope this email kills us both instantly

"he looks like my coworker that vanished" pushes me to hysteria every time i don't know how to cope with it

never ask a woman her age a man his salary your mutual how late it is in her timezone when she starts posting about that bisexual man

shopping carts are pathetic little herd animals and when you don’t bring them back to their corrals after they’re done helping you they scream and cry and wail because they’re alone and scared and exposed to predators. you have the power to prevent this