I don’t usually come on here that often, but I need a social space to pour my emotions out right now. I thought I met the love of my life awhile ago. We were together for almost four years, and we broke up last year in October. Life threw a huge wrench in our relationship, my parents didn’t give him a chance, and I lost ownership of our dog that we had to rehome. I didn’t have it in me to cut ties with my parents, and I still live with them because I moved back home knowing I was going to get the job that would kickstart my career. A lot has happened. I made decisions I was not proud of, but ultimately I needed to look out for myself because I felt I had to because no one else did. Not even my boyfriend at the time. And I felt like everyone, including my family, made me choose which side I needed to be on. That is something I never want to be put in a position ever again. I don’t have the best relationship with my parents because of the way they treated my ex boyfriend and our dog, and for the way I finally realized how manipulative and controlling they behaved my entire life to get me to fit a certain standard of theirs. I don’t belong to anyone, and I don’t ever want to be controlled again. I stand on my own now. I just live under their roof because I need a place to stay while I work here for another year. i don’t hate my parents, I deep down still love them, but I will not tolerate their behavior any longer, and I have boundaries set in place to coexist with them here. I have never truly felt chosen by someone, and so I’m starting to choose me. It’s taken me a long time coming to get to this mindset. To truthfully love who I am and who I am stepping in to. Self love is the hardest love to give and receive. I’m doing this alone most of the time, although I have a great support system of close friends that I call my chosen family. But I do things alone and for me now. My ex and I are on good terms even when I know his family and friends probably don’t necessarily like me for what I put him through, but everyone has a choice, and I made mine when he couldn’t even decide. We are friends, and yes I know, how can exes ever be friends? Well I don’t know either, but my emotions are platonic now for him. I do love him, but I love him unconditionally because we’ve been through a lot and no matter what, he still taught me how to be better, how to change, how to love even when our love couldn’t be sustained any longer. So, yeah, I don’t really have feelings for him like I did before, and it took me a bit to get there. But I’m proud of myself. I truly am. Although I’m terrified for the next phase in love, if someone does come along, I’m now open to a different relationship. But for now, I’m content with being single because I need to find out who I am and what I want. I’m getting there slowly each and every day. I’ve come a long way.