you know what one really underrated but heartbreaking scene in tda is? that scene in lady midnight after mark comes back, when he lets the kids eat whatever they want for breakfast and makes a mess of the kitchen. everyone’s having fun but then julian comes and sees it and kind of just malfunctions and breaks down.
because julian can never be the fun one. he can never be the one who lets them eat syrup for breakfast, he’s too busy making sure they have actual food to eat for each meal of the day. julian can’t make a mess everywhere and leave it to clean later, he’s too busy running the institute and making sure the kids keep up with their studies and have clothes to wear and are as put together as they can be.
julian never gets to be the fun older brother, because he’s the parent. julian doesn’t get to take things lightly because he’s too busy holding everyone up. julian is serious because he stopped being a child when he lost his last parent aged twelve. julian is serious because the only person in the world he can open up to and share some of his burden with is the one person he can’t have without losing everything. cristina sums it up when she says to mark: he is envious because he loves them but cannot be their brother. he must be their father. in his mind, they dread him and adore you.
julian could never be the fun older brother. because he was too busy being the only parent the blackthorn siblings had left.
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