lisboa

she was shuddering breaths and angles turned in on themselves

her foundation crumbling around her into the dirt were she was buried,

you’re gone and i can’t breathe

you’re back and i am floating

under the weight of your eyes

pinning me in to place, like i am darts on a board

i don’t want to fucking breathe, i want you to wrap me up

in your love and let it kill me.

when i fell in love with you between the 9 & 10

so i am coming to find you again

in knowing that you will always be alone

watching others with their lovers

from behind a fuzzy, glass pane

like a movie. you will be alone.

it wasn't by fault of anyone, really.

you were too sensitive when love came

when it touched you gently all over.

you threw it off of you like a blanket

on a muggy summer midnight

you didn't know what else to do...

my fingers would count the notches of your spine until your eyelids fluttered close

rubbing gently at your kneecaps and shins pulling the sorrow from your weary bones

heat your lips with mine until the cool crisp breaths fill the spaces between your lungs.

i answer "your pillow..."

they word 'why' left your mouth.

i want it because,

it is stained with your smell

filled with your thoughts;

crumpled and lumpy...

from your the gentle turns of your head

when it was real.

when i started and I stopped.

it was real but i couldn't believe it.

her body lingered where affection could be seen.

would they melt through?

to convey how much i love you.

your delicate face

my whole being shatters.

it knows that

i will never explore the soft dips

that rest by you collar bones

or kiss the tops of you eyelids

as my eye lashes map out

a path from the gentle curves

of your neck to whisper sweetly,

I wish you...

loved me.

and warm tingly feelings

in between my belly and my things

but know you put winter in my heart