Someone needs to make a gif set comparison of Ryan Gosling in The Nice Guys going "I don't think I can die" and Owen Wilson in Shanghai Noon "I'm invincible" because these scenes had the exact same vibe.

nice guys fic where they've hit a dry spell like a month with no new cases and the money has run out and march goes looking for holly's hidden babysitting money but can't find it so he's in a pinch. and healy says well alright i'm not going to beat up any more civilians, that life is behind me, but i'll fight someone who makes the mistake of agreeing to fight me. i know this guy in beverly hills who runs matches at his parties and he'll pay me $50 to fight and $400 if i win. and march is like well we're not going all the way to beverly hills for $50. do you have any idea what gas costs these days??? and healy says no we're going to beverly hills for $400. and march says pretty confident aren't you big guy. and healy says well the guys they get to do these fights are usually show-offy chuckleheads. you know, stunt guys, actors, that sort of thing. none of them have ever been in a real fight. and so they go down to beverly hills to this hedonist 1970s hollywood party (healy doesn't want to bring march but march is like what if you need backup and healy can't get rid of him so whatever. he's coming) and healy gets $50 up front and they're like okay you're gonna fight this guy who does like martial arts stunts for movies. and there's some guy doing like spinny kicks and chopping wood in the living room. march is like hey healy this guy looks pretty serious maybe we should rethink this. we can't afford hospital bills right now. and healy's like sigh. you know, march, your faith in me is so heartwarming. and then they're in the like fight ring out by the pool or whatever and everyone's gathered around hooting and hollering and march is stress drinking and healy takes his jacket off and tucks his brass knuckles in march's pocket and says hold this for a second i'll be right back. and steps up to this guy who makes his opening move a flying roundhouse kick and healy just calmly steps out of the way and then hits him with a jab cross so brutally powerful that he puts him in the pool. and march is so turned on he has to hold healy's jacket in front of his white pants. and on the way home march is like (still hard) hey maybe we should do another fight, we could use $800. $1200 even. and healy says excuse me. we??? and march says (can yuo put that out on me voice) hey do you have a black belt?? and healy says no. karate is for idiots. and that's the story of how healy knocked out chuck norris.

jack healy was 33 when the dodgers moved to LA and i can't decide if it's more funny for him to have already moved out there by that time so he's ecstatic, or if he was still in New York and it made him so upset that he followed them out to the west coast

“scientists don’t want you know” is a phrase that always cracks me up because if you actually meet a scientist they will be shaking and crying like an overstimulated chihuahua with the need to let you know

girl it’s just a 3 day trip, you do not need to bring your terracotta warriors 🙄

it makes me so emotional that the nice guys came out 10 years ago today. they’ve been married for a whole decade

(looking at a gay couple) which one of you drowns their guilt and grief in substances and which one is consumed by an inescapable feeling of uselessness