Delilah the checkered-tailed nighthawk

The Flock is back, bitches.

Nice to see you again dude.

Not a "dude." But it's nice to see you again, too.

There's just no winning with you.

Why is it a competition?

Because every time I call you a casual nickname you take it literally.

I dislike some of the casual nicknames you give me. And I voice this dislike so as to encourage you to stop calling me that. It is that simple.

Ugh. Fine.

Indeed. How was your winter?

Eh. A mixed bag. How was yours?

Oh....kay...?

Oh! And I think I remember what the place I went to is called? Uh, not very well, though. I only remember that it sounded like the humans were trying to make pigeon noises.

...huh. Could you try to recreate it?

Not with my mouth. But it was kind of a.... "Coorra"

Hm....and this place was south of here?

Yes.

Yeah I have no idea then.

Hm. Well, I wish I could remember properly, but like I said, we get stupid without weed.

Do you remember anything that happened while you were gone?

Yes, obviously. We don't get that stupid. We just lose our ability to communicate telepathically and our fluency in English. And some other things.

Ah. Did you have fun at least?

Glad to hear it man.

Delilah tilted her head, her resting judgemental face seeming ever so slightly more active.

[Al passes her a pre-rolled joint.]

Is that a bribe?

What on earth would I be bribing you for?

As opposed to apologizing for calling me 'man'? And/or correcting yourself?

Okay, first off, I didn't call you man. I called you dude. Dude is gender and species neutral. Secondly, I'm sorry. There. Happy?

Well sorry about that. Force of habit I guess.

Delilah smoked in silence.

[Al takes out a joint of their own, leaning back.]

Well, I'm not part of a witch group that hates my kind of witches and I'm trying to get them to not do that.

Are you a window witch?

Ancestral, actually.

Good. If you were a window witch, we would be enemies.

Are window witches even a thing?

I don't know. Whatever witches make windows.

You know windows aren't magic, right?

.... They aren't?

Nope. Good old fashioned science.

.... Evil science.

Is it really so hard to tell what's a window and what's not?

Incredibly.

You know they've normally got shit around them, right?

Yes, but that gives no indication of whether or not they're open.

You could knock?

I've tried. It's pissed people off.

That's why you knock on the frame so you don't risk breaking the glass.

Too many steps.

It's literally the same thing just slightly to the left.

It is so much easier to just fly into places. Which wouldn't be a problem if it weren't for windows.

If someone barged into your nest uninvited, would be thrilled?

You can't really go in a nighthawk nest?

You get what I mean though. Humans have this whole thing about boundaries and personal space. We don't like things in our safe spots without us knowing. It's why invading someone's shelter also considered weird and rude, even if well-meaning.

Why are your safe spots so fucking big? I mean, even the "car" you used to sleep in was pushing it, and that's small for a human's shelter.

[Al shrugs.] You do you bird.

Thank you.

For what?

I don't know, just felt like the right thing to say.

The Flock is back, bitches.

Nice to see you again dude.

Not a "dude." But it's nice to see you again, too.

There's just no winning with you.

Why is it a competition?

Because every time I call you a casual nickname you take it literally.

I dislike some of the casual nicknames you give me. And I voice this dislike so as to encourage you to stop calling me that. It is that simple.

Ugh. Fine.

Indeed. How was your winter?

Eh. A mixed bag. How was yours?

Oh....kay...?

Oh! And I think I remember what the place I went to is called? Uh, not very well, though. I only remember that it sounded like the humans were trying to make pigeon noises.

...huh. Could you try to recreate it?

Not with my mouth. But it was kind of a.... "Coorra"

Hm....and this place was south of here?

Yes.

Yeah I have no idea then.

Hm. Well, I wish I could remember properly, but like I said, we get stupid without weed.

Do you remember anything that happened while you were gone?

Yes, obviously. We don't get that stupid. We just lose our ability to communicate telepathically and our fluency in English. And some other things.

Ah. Did you have fun at least?

Glad to hear it man.

Delilah tilted her head, her resting judgemental face seeming ever so slightly more active.

[Al passes her a pre-rolled joint.]

Is that a bribe?

What on earth would I be bribing you for?

As opposed to apologizing for calling me 'man'? And/or correcting yourself?

Okay, first off, I didn't call you man. I called you dude. Dude is gender and species neutral. Secondly, I'm sorry. There. Happy?

Well sorry about that. Force of habit I guess.

Delilah smoked in silence.

[Al takes out a joint of their own, leaning back.]

Well, I'm not part of a witch group that hates my kind of witches and I'm trying to get them to not do that.

Are you a window witch?

Ancestral, actually.

Good. If you were a window witch, we would be enemies.

Are window witches even a thing?

I don't know. Whatever witches make windows.

You know windows aren't magic, right?

.... They aren't?

Nope. Good old fashioned science.

.... Evil science.

Is it really so hard to tell what's a window and what's not?

Incredibly.

You know they've normally got shit around them, right?

Yes, but that gives no indication of whether or not they're open.

You could knock?

I've tried. It's pissed people off.

That's why you knock on the frame so you don't risk breaking the glass.

Too many steps.

It's literally the same thing just slightly to the left.

It is so much easier to just fly into places. Which wouldn't be a problem if it weren't for windows.

If someone barged into your nest uninvited, would be thrilled?

You can't really go in a nighthawk nest?

You get what I mean though. Humans have this whole thing about boundaries and personal space. We don't like things in our safe spots without us knowing. It's why invading someone's shelter also considered weird and rude, even if well-meaning.

Why are your safe spots so fucking big? I mean, even the "car" you used to sleep in was pushing it, and that's small for a human's shelter.

[Al shrugs.] You do you bird.

Thank you.

The Flock is back, bitches.

Nice to see you again dude.

Not a "dude." But it's nice to see you again, too.

There's just no winning with you.

Why is it a competition?

Because every time I call you a casual nickname you take it literally.

I dislike some of the casual nicknames you give me. And I voice this dislike so as to encourage you to stop calling me that. It is that simple.

Ugh. Fine.

Indeed. How was your winter?

Eh. A mixed bag. How was yours?

Oh....kay...?

Oh! And I think I remember what the place I went to is called? Uh, not very well, though. I only remember that it sounded like the humans were trying to make pigeon noises.

...huh. Could you try to recreate it?

Not with my mouth. But it was kind of a.... "Coorra"

Hm....and this place was south of here?

Yes.

Yeah I have no idea then.

Hm. Well, I wish I could remember properly, but like I said, we get stupid without weed.

Do you remember anything that happened while you were gone?

Yes, obviously. We don't get that stupid. We just lose our ability to communicate telepathically and our fluency in English. And some other things.

Ah. Did you have fun at least?

Glad to hear it man.

Delilah tilted her head, her resting judgemental face seeming ever so slightly more active.

[Al passes her a pre-rolled joint.]

Is that a bribe?

What on earth would I be bribing you for?

As opposed to apologizing for calling me 'man'? And/or correcting yourself?

Okay, first off, I didn't call you man. I called you dude. Dude is gender and species neutral. Secondly, I'm sorry. There. Happy?

Well sorry about that. Force of habit I guess.

Delilah smoked in silence.

[Al takes out a joint of their own, leaning back.]

Well, I'm not part of a witch group that hates my kind of witches and I'm trying to get them to not do that.

Are you a window witch?

Ancestral, actually.

Good. If you were a window witch, we would be enemies.

Are window witches even a thing?

I don't know. Whatever witches make windows.

You know windows aren't magic, right?

.... They aren't?

Nope. Good old fashioned science.

.... Evil science.

Is it really so hard to tell what's a window and what's not?

Incredibly.

You know they've normally got shit around them, right?

Yes, but that gives no indication of whether or not they're open.

You could knock?

I've tried. It's pissed people off.

That's why you knock on the frame so you don't risk breaking the glass.

Too many steps.

It's literally the same thing just slightly to the left.

It is so much easier to just fly into places. Which wouldn't be a problem if it weren't for windows.

If someone barged into your nest uninvited, would be thrilled?

You can't really go in a nighthawk nest?

You get what I mean though. Humans have this whole thing about boundaries and personal space. We don't like things in our safe spots without us knowing. It's why invading someone's shelter also considered weird and rude, even if well-meaning.

Why are your safe spots so fucking big? I mean, even the "car" you used to sleep in was pushing it, and that's small for a human's shelter.

The Flock is back, bitches.

Nice to see you again dude.

Not a "dude." But it's nice to see you again, too.

There's just no winning with you.

Why is it a competition?

Because every time I call you a casual nickname you take it literally.

I dislike some of the casual nicknames you give me. And I voice this dislike so as to encourage you to stop calling me that. It is that simple.

Ugh. Fine.

Indeed. How was your winter?

Eh. A mixed bag. How was yours?

Oh....kay...?

Oh! And I think I remember what the place I went to is called? Uh, not very well, though. I only remember that it sounded like the humans were trying to make pigeon noises.

...huh. Could you try to recreate it?

Not with my mouth. But it was kind of a.... "Coorra"

Hm....and this place was south of here?

Yes.

Yeah I have no idea then.

Hm. Well, I wish I could remember properly, but like I said, we get stupid without weed.

Do you remember anything that happened while you were gone?

Yes, obviously. We don't get that stupid. We just lose our ability to communicate telepathically and our fluency in English. And some other things.

Ah. Did you have fun at least?

Glad to hear it man.

Delilah tilted her head, her resting judgemental face seeming ever so slightly more active.

[Al passes her a pre-rolled joint.]

Is that a bribe?

What on earth would I be bribing you for?

As opposed to apologizing for calling me 'man'? And/or correcting yourself?

Okay, first off, I didn't call you man. I called you dude. Dude is gender and species neutral. Secondly, I'm sorry. There. Happy?

Well sorry about that. Force of habit I guess.

Delilah smoked in silence.

[Al takes out a joint of their own, leaning back.]

Well, I'm not part of a witch group that hates my kind of witches and I'm trying to get them to not do that.

Are you a window witch?

Ancestral, actually.

Good. If you were a window witch, we would be enemies.

Are window witches even a thing?

I don't know. Whatever witches make windows.

You know windows aren't magic, right?

.... They aren't?

Nope. Good old fashioned science.

.... Evil science.

Is it really so hard to tell what's a window and what's not?

Incredibly.

You know they've normally got shit around them, right?

Yes, but that gives no indication of whether or not they're open.

You could knock?

I've tried. It's pissed people off.

That's why you knock on the frame so you don't risk breaking the glass.

Too many steps.

It's literally the same thing just slightly to the left.

It is so much easier to just fly into places. Which wouldn't be a problem if it weren't for windows.

If someone barged into your nest uninvited, would be thrilled?

You can't really go in a nighthawk nest?

You get what I mean though. Humans have this whole thing about boundaries and personal space. We don't like things in our safe spots without us knowing. It's why invading someone's shelter also considered weird and rude, even if well-meaning.

Why are your safe spots so fucking big? I mean, even the "car" you used to sleep in was pushing it, and that's small for a human's shelter.

The Flock is back, bitches.

Nice to see you again dude.

Not a "dude." But it's nice to see you again, too.

There's just no winning with you.

Why is it a competition?

Because every time I call you a casual nickname you take it literally.

I dislike some of the casual nicknames you give me. And I voice this dislike so as to encourage you to stop calling me that. It is that simple.

Ugh. Fine.

Indeed. How was your winter?

Eh. A mixed bag. How was yours?

Oh....kay...?

Oh! And I think I remember what the place I went to is called? Uh, not very well, though. I only remember that it sounded like the humans were trying to make pigeon noises.

...huh. Could you try to recreate it?

Not with my mouth. But it was kind of a.... "Coorra"

Hm....and this place was south of here?

Yes.

Yeah I have no idea then.

Hm. Well, I wish I could remember properly, but like I said, we get stupid without weed.

Do you remember anything that happened while you were gone?

Yes, obviously. We don't get that stupid. We just lose our ability to communicate telepathically and our fluency in English. And some other things.

Ah. Did you have fun at least?

Glad to hear it man.

Delilah tilted her head, her resting judgemental face seeming ever so slightly more active.

[Al passes her a pre-rolled joint.]

Is that a bribe?

What on earth would I be bribing you for?

As opposed to apologizing for calling me 'man'? And/or correcting yourself?

Okay, first off, I didn't call you man. I called you dude. Dude is gender and species neutral. Secondly, I'm sorry. There. Happy?

Well sorry about that. Force of habit I guess.

Delilah smoked in silence.

[Al takes out a joint of their own, leaning back.]

Well, I'm not part of a witch group that hates my kind of witches and I'm trying to get them to not do that.

Are you a window witch?

Ancestral, actually.

Good. If you were a window witch, we would be enemies.

Are window witches even a thing?

I don't know. Whatever witches make windows.

You know windows aren't magic, right?

.... They aren't?

Nope. Good old fashioned science.

.... Evil science.

Is it really so hard to tell what's a window and what's not?

Incredibly.

You know they've normally got shit around them, right?

Yes, but that gives no indication of whether or not they're open.

You could knock?

I've tried. It's pissed people off.

That's why you knock on the frame so you don't risk breaking the glass.

Too many steps.

It's literally the same thing just slightly to the left.

It is so much easier to just fly into places. Which wouldn't be a problem if it weren't for windows.

If someone barged into your nest uninvited, would be thrilled?

You can't really go in a nighthawk nest?

The Flock is back, bitches.

Nice to see you again dude.

Not a "dude." But it's nice to see you again, too.

There's just no winning with you.

Why is it a competition?

Because every time I call you a casual nickname you take it literally.

I dislike some of the casual nicknames you give me. And I voice this dislike so as to encourage you to stop calling me that. It is that simple.

Ugh. Fine.

Indeed. How was your winter?

Eh. A mixed bag. How was yours?

Oh....kay...?

Oh! And I think I remember what the place I went to is called? Uh, not very well, though. I only remember that it sounded like the humans were trying to make pigeon noises.

...huh. Could you try to recreate it?

Not with my mouth. But it was kind of a.... "Coorra"

Hm....and this place was south of here?

Yes.

Yeah I have no idea then.

Hm. Well, I wish I could remember properly, but like I said, we get stupid without weed.

Do you remember anything that happened while you were gone?

Yes, obviously. We don't get that stupid. We just lose our ability to communicate telepathically and our fluency in English. And some other things.

Ah. Did you have fun at least?

Glad to hear it man.

Delilah tilted her head, her resting judgemental face seeming ever so slightly more active.

[Al passes her a pre-rolled joint.]

Is that a bribe?

What on earth would I be bribing you for?

As opposed to apologizing for calling me 'man'? And/or correcting yourself?

Okay, first off, I didn't call you man. I called you dude. Dude is gender and species neutral. Secondly, I'm sorry. There. Happy?

Well sorry about that. Force of habit I guess.

Delilah smoked in silence.

[Al takes out a joint of their own, leaning back.]

Well, I'm not part of a witch group that hates my kind of witches and I'm trying to get them to not do that.

Are you a window witch?

Ancestral, actually.

Good. If you were a window witch, we would be enemies.

Are window witches even a thing?

I don't know. Whatever witches make windows.

You know windows aren't magic, right?

.... They aren't?

Nope. Good old fashioned science.

.... Evil science.

Is it really so hard to tell what's a window and what's not?

Incredibly.

You know they've normally got shit around them, right?

Yes, but that gives no indication of whether or not they're open.

You could knock?

I've tried. It's pissed people off.

That's why you knock on the frame so you don't risk breaking the glass.

Too many steps.

It's literally the same thing just slightly to the left.

It is so much easier to just fly into places. Which wouldn't be a problem if it weren't for windows.

The Flock is back, bitches.

Nice to see you again dude.

Not a "dude." But it's nice to see you again, too.

There's just no winning with you.

Why is it a competition?

Because every time I call you a casual nickname you take it literally.

I dislike some of the casual nicknames you give me. And I voice this dislike so as to encourage you to stop calling me that. It is that simple.

Ugh. Fine.

Indeed. How was your winter?

Eh. A mixed bag. How was yours?

Oh....kay...?

Oh! And I think I remember what the place I went to is called? Uh, not very well, though. I only remember that it sounded like the humans were trying to make pigeon noises.

...huh. Could you try to recreate it?

Not with my mouth. But it was kind of a.... "Coorra"

Hm....and this place was south of here?

Yes.

Yeah I have no idea then.

Hm. Well, I wish I could remember properly, but like I said, we get stupid without weed.

Do you remember anything that happened while you were gone?

Yes, obviously. We don't get that stupid. We just lose our ability to communicate telepathically and our fluency in English. And some other things.

Ah. Did you have fun at least?

Glad to hear it man.

Delilah tilted her head, her resting judgemental face seeming ever so slightly more active.

[Al passes her a pre-rolled joint.]

Is that a bribe?

What on earth would I be bribing you for?

As opposed to apologizing for calling me 'man'? And/or correcting yourself?

Okay, first off, I didn't call you man. I called you dude. Dude is gender and species neutral. Secondly, I'm sorry. There. Happy?

Well sorry about that. Force of habit I guess.

Delilah smoked in silence.

[Al takes out a joint of their own, leaning back.]

Well, I'm not part of a witch group that hates my kind of witches and I'm trying to get them to not do that.

Are you a window witch?

Ancestral, actually.

Good. If you were a window witch, we would be enemies.

Are window witches even a thing?

I don't know. Whatever witches make windows.

You know windows aren't magic, right?

.... They aren't?

Nope. Good old fashioned science.

.... Evil science.

Is it really so hard to tell what's a window and what's not?

Incredibly.

You know they've normally got shit around them, right?

Yes, but that gives no indication of whether or not they're open.

You could knock?

I've tried. It's pissed people off.

That's why you knock on the frame so you don't risk breaking the glass.

Too many steps.

The Flock is back, bitches.

Nice to see you again dude.

Not a "dude." But it's nice to see you again, too.

There's just no winning with you.

Why is it a competition?

Because every time I call you a casual nickname you take it literally.

I dislike some of the casual nicknames you give me. And I voice this dislike so as to encourage you to stop calling me that. It is that simple.

Ugh. Fine.

Indeed. How was your winter?

Eh. A mixed bag. How was yours?

Oh....kay...?

Oh! And I think I remember what the place I went to is called? Uh, not very well, though. I only remember that it sounded like the humans were trying to make pigeon noises.

...huh. Could you try to recreate it?

Not with my mouth. But it was kind of a.... "Coorra"

Hm....and this place was south of here?

Yes.

Yeah I have no idea then.

Hm. Well, I wish I could remember properly, but like I said, we get stupid without weed.

Do you remember anything that happened while you were gone?

Yes, obviously. We don't get that stupid. We just lose our ability to communicate telepathically and our fluency in English. And some other things.

Ah. Did you have fun at least?

Glad to hear it man.

Delilah tilted her head, her resting judgemental face seeming ever so slightly more active.

[Al passes her a pre-rolled joint.]

Is that a bribe?

What on earth would I be bribing you for?

As opposed to apologizing for calling me 'man'? And/or correcting yourself?

Okay, first off, I didn't call you man. I called you dude. Dude is gender and species neutral. Secondly, I'm sorry. There. Happy?

Well sorry about that. Force of habit I guess.

Delilah smoked in silence.

[Al takes out a joint of their own, leaning back.]

Well, I'm not part of a witch group that hates my kind of witches and I'm trying to get them to not do that.

Are you a window witch?

Ancestral, actually.

Good. If you were a window witch, we would be enemies.

Are window witches even a thing?

I don't know. Whatever witches make windows.

You know windows aren't magic, right?

.... They aren't?

Nope. Good old fashioned science.

.... Evil science.

Is it really so hard to tell what's a window and what's not?

Incredibly.

You know they've normally got shit around them, right?

Yes, but that gives no indication of whether or not they're open.

You could knock?

I've tried. It's pissed people off.

The Flock is back, bitches.

Nice to see you again dude.

Not a "dude." But it's nice to see you again, too.

There's just no winning with you.

Why is it a competition?

Because every time I call you a casual nickname you take it literally.

I dislike some of the casual nicknames you give me. And I voice this dislike so as to encourage you to stop calling me that. It is that simple.

Ugh. Fine.

Indeed. How was your winter?

Eh. A mixed bag. How was yours?