Delicate

                                              ( @delicaitlyn )

                              “Sounds like we’re looking for the same person.” Maddox spoke, announcing himself while standing from the step he had been sitting on for a while now. “Didn’t think I’d find you here.” words spoken absentmindedly as his left hand began to twitch slightly; a side-effect of his ongoing pursuit for immortality. 

“I was just..-- looking for Remi.” A statement that in and of itself seemed  bit of a stretch for Caitlyn, but whatever comfort she’d found in the original in the months since her own best friend flicked his switch was strange at best, but it was something. That being said, Caitlyn knew how long it’d been since she’d last seen Lucian. How long it’d been since she’d seen much of anyone, the taunting nature of both her own sire and best friend as they wrought havoc and pressed to corner Caitlyn enough that she might even consider a life without her humanity again. It’d almost driven her into a solitude that reminded her of the way she’d lived before, even now, with a newly gifted daylight ring, she’d barely seen the sun. “Hey, are you..-- can I ask you something?”

“I’m not doing this here.” Not that she wanted to at all, despite his every efforts to twist her to his will in the months before hand, Cait still did whatever she could to avoid him, which -- never ended up being much. He was faster, smart and inevitably much more intent on pulling her wayside with him. “If you want to talk, right now, you can sit down and at least try to remember we’re in public.”

“That’s impossible,” his head shook, a goofy grin occupying his features. “You don’t hate anyone, and if you did it wouldn’t be me. Come on, they’re my go to to show how I’m feeling. If I like someone’s idea? Finger guns. If I don’t? Disappointed finger guns.” He repeated the gesture once more, just to prove his point. “So you can buy me lunch today, and I’ll buy you lunch next week. Or we could just go and pay for ourselves, but that’d kind of defeat the purpose.” A shrug was offered with his words, before his eyes spread wide and his mouth fell open for no more than a split second. He closed it, reaching into his jacket pocket for the item he’d nearly forgotten about until spending some time in Cait’s presence again. “I didn’t know if you wanted this yet — or at all, you haven’t anything… about a daylight ring, but —” Wren had spelled the simple piece of jewelry a few weeks ago, and had kept it in a drawer ever since. He didn’t always agree with the way vampires went about things —- mostly the Carmikaels, but Caitlyn had been without protection from the sun for too long. “I thought you’d maybe wanna give it a try.” The ring was held out to her, his expression fully skeptical as he waited for her to either take it or shove it back in his direction.

There was a reason so many vampires refused to flip their switch and this was it. Friendships and relationships that were formed became unrecognizable the second humanity was gone, any inkling of personality was lost and those that were too weak to manage their own emotions faded into the sea of vampires. Any sense of identity disappeared. It was the easy way out, the only true way to escape, but something Dawson refused to give into no matter how much suffering he lived through. He couldn’t control what he was anymore, but he could still be himself. It was the only power he had over his maker and now it was gone. Dawson wasn’t Dawson anymore, he was simply a monster, a carbon copy of the creatures that were turned before him. Aemilia had born and bred him into this, he was a pure reflection of the youngest Carmikael, and he didn’t even know it. “The real me? Who is this real me I’ve been hearing so much about? I’m right here, this is me. Take it or leave it, Caitlyn.” He snapped, closing the space between them with more aggression than he’d ever let the other vampire see before. “I am free, more free than I’ve ever been in my life. For centuries I suffered, thinking somehow I was winning – that resisting the urge to completely immerse myself in this world made me better, stronger than other vampires. I thought denying myself the pleasure of fully becoming this creature kept me in control, like I could define myself by anything else. I was wrong. We’re vampires, Caitlyn, this is how we’re meant to be, both of us, this is how we were always meant to be. Now are you going to join me or continue to pretend like things weren’t better when you didn’t have to feel?”

The rush of air that accompanied Dawson as he shot towards her was cold, everything was cold. Ironic considering once warmed hues that now cut across the lowly space between them were once the only thing to keep her from the depths of this kind of darkness, and yet there they were, plummeting hope inside her chest. The shock of his suddenly forceful nature enough for Caitlyn to flinch, biting down on her lesser lip as she turned her head away with a near inaudible whimper. “It’s not, you know this isn’t you. This.. this is what Aemilia wants you to be, and you’re letting her.” Perhaps it was dangerous to claim so openly that he’d let his sire control him so easily, but it slipped through lips like a bitter regret all too quickly. “You’re letting her do this to you again and if this is..---” If this was how he intended to be, then she couldn’t be part of it. Not now, not ever. “You think this is winning? You think you’re getting any sense of a life back now?” As much Aemilia’s puppet as he ever possibly could have been, she could just about see the strings pulling his ever movement as if the blonde vampire were in the room with them. Nothing fell with confidence, the shatter of organ in her chest resounding loudly with every crack in her voice as she watched her best friend spin out of control in a way that he claimed to have chosen. She shook her head, adamant that he was wrong. “No..-- No we’re not meant to be this, this wasn’t how we were meant to live.” Caitlyn would never accept it, never allow that to be her way of thinking. Nobody was meant to be a monster; a creature of chaos, death and destruction; least of all either of them. Perhaps terrible things had spun from their fingertips, but they’d never meant this; she’d never meant this -- had he? Still, she shook her head, looking back to the blankest state of features she’d ever known on Dawson. “I’m not..-- I won’t.. You know I can’t.”

                      “He thought?” Kenzie asked quietly as her brows furrowed slightly at Cait’s words, still unknowing of the full story as to what actually happened —- after their breakup, she had left the manor to head home and hadn’t looked back; well, she had but she liked to pretend she was stronger than that. “And how exactly were you supposed to know that any of this was going to happen? It could have happened at any time because he was just carrying centuries worth of pain around with him, Cait. Its not your fault.” the brunette urged now, not wanting anymore guilt to settle upon their shoulders as they were faced with this new reality. “ — Yeah, I know that now. Or she’s just taking advantage of it, which doesn’t help us in the slightest I know. We can’t leave him like this —- the longer it goes on, you know he’ll never come back from it. He scared me. Terrified more like it; actually thought he was going to kill me.”

                                           —– ( @delicaitlyn )

                            “That’s it — that’s all that happened.” the story had finally came to a close as the vampire sat back and allowed frame to sink into the fabric of the couch as her exhausted gaze lifted to meet that of her friend’s eyes that she knew would share the same concern. “And now here we are while he’s —- I don’t know.”

In another life seeing her like this would’ve destroyed him. That’s how long it’d been since Dawson was truly himself, so long it felt like an entire lifetime had passed him by. The Dawson who cared about her, who desperately tried to do right by her and fought to be good despite his bloodsucking species had been pushed so far down it’d take a miracle to get him back again. He’d lost himself and the only person capable of finding him was the very girl covered in blood and tears in front of him. It was a fact lost on him in his current state, but something that even his subconscious was aware of. His actions and words betrayed him, but his soul never could. His soul was reaching out to her, wordlessly begging her to bring him back regardless of his newfound behavior. Even humanity-less, he was drawn to her. The piece of him left buried deep down inside of him longed to be around her and it was the real Dawson who wanted her here. The strength of their bond wasn’t something easily broken, and each moment spent in her presence inched him closer to a breakthrough. “Great, wonderful, you deserve it. Yada yada yada. But you know what would make it even better?” A devilish grin spread across his face before he continued. “If you came along with Aems and I, started doing a little traveling. This town is a prison, don’t you want to be free? Besides, destruction’s good for the soul.”

Even the mention of Aemilia caused her to bristle until she damn near turned to stone. The woman had effectively ruined her life -- his life, burnt down every safety net either of them might have had save for one another. She’d twisted and manipulated Caitlyn until she’d believed beyond all reason that she never had any choice in what kind of person she could be now that she’d been physically stripped of any likeness to humanity should she refuse to hold onto it. Wounds healed, slowly but surely stitching themselves back together with every passing moment, despite the fact that her heart ached in ways it likely never had before looking up at a man that she knew completely at face value, though nothing felt familiar at all. “You know that’s not going to happen.” She was perhaps.. weaker than most in plenty of aspects, but if ever she could stand for one thing, it was that she’d never allow Aemilia back into her life in any capacity whatsoever. “Dawson.--” He’s stop her, she knew that. Even the possibility of Caitlyn trying to reason with him like this would annoy him in this state, but she could never not try.. Living in any circumstance was trying, but without him..-- without her best friend it was a dreary existence that simply harped on all the things she’d lost even more than it already did. At one point, she’d never wanted to do any of this on her own, and now she’d never wanted to do any of this without him. His effortless slip into something as dark as everything that had ruined them all for thinking she was gone ripped at heartstrings until she thought she might choke on them. “You don’t have to do this. .-- you don’t have to be like this. You’re not free..-- Nothing with Aemilia is and you know that. You can’t stay like this.” Even the thought of never knowing the real Dawson again made her feel sick. “I need you -- not this you. The real you.” 

The vampire wished that he had the words that would make Caitlyn happy. That would somehow take both of them back to that day where both of them had been blissfully happy during the lake. That day was similar than the one that he currently was living and the ones that were certain to fall. Jeremiah had kept telling himself that he would locate his brother and both of them would deal with their issues – and if he did survive the encounter that he would be able to come back and be with Caitlyn, truly be with her. Without any walls and any reservations. That had been the only thing that had been on his mind. It was at that moment that he realized how naive he had been to think that. There had been so many variables that he hadn’t thought about when he had left. He would like to say it was not due to him being selfish but how could he truly believe that? He had sent Natalie back to her abusive aunt instead of letting her seek help from Clark just cause he had been angry. He had chosen his family before Caitlyn and hadn’t even given her chance – he hadn’t given them a real chance. “Being friends with me is exhausting work. I am a pain in an ass.” He shared with her as he grabbed another shot. It wasn’t just because they didn’t know each other that he wasn’t in a rush to fall back into what they had been. Jeremiah had managed to realize that he might be harbouring feelings for Callista – not that he was actually sure. It had been a brink of a moment kind of shit and he was confused – confused and alone. Because he couldn’t go and talk to someone about how he felt. Not Caitlyn cause she was a party to the problem. Not Clark because he was too busy in his own mess. There was always April but he didn’t want to appear to be a bigger douche to her than he already was due to his reputation. So essentially that didn’t leave him, anyone. That was when the only negative consequence of being him came out – he was alone. 

The more Caitlyn talked the more he believed that she didn’t want to be friends with him. Not that he could fault her for such thinking, he could follow the logic. Especially with their history, they had everything working against them. If Caitlyn said that this hindered her happiness he would back away, he cared more about her well being than the need to have her in his life. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be friends that are trying to get to know each other. This is what I want. I don’t know how to start it – Like I said my friendships usually are just killing people and causing havoc but I want an honest to god friendship with you. I want to know you,” And yes he wanted to know her more than just a friend, but that was just something that he would have to take a day at a day pace. If he even had a chance. This was something that he had managed to destroy and they didn’t owe each other anything. “I was trying to locate my sister. – and then I was trying to avoid my brother. You know the usual Ainsworth family gathering and what not.” He laughed as he thought about how fucked up his family truly was. He was aware that he was not the only one that had a twisted family – hell it was the hallmark trait around this town. “Really? Yeah, I didn’t take any photos but perhaps someday we can take a trip to a beach. They really are something. There is something about just sitting on the beach and staring at the sea with some beers that can’t be replicated anywhere else.” Those moments managed to give him time to just think – to be in his own head without thinking about his pending death in his brother’s hands. “Have you ever seen snow?” He was usually reminded by the conversations that both of them held that Caitlyn was a new vampire and hadn’t been around as long as him. 

She’d always known nothing more than barriers, than walls and peoples own defenses, she’d had plenty of her own while she was human --- things she’d built up to keep people safe, to keep them from getting hurt when the time came that she was no longer of this world and left everyone behind. It, of course, hadn’t worked out completely as planned, people were hurt; Wren could barely look at her and knowing that his daughter was dead had slowly driven her father to the brink of insanity before Aemilia had put an end to him too. Caitlyn had understood closing yourself off, and perhaps that was why she’d wholy agreed to never push Jeremiah, or so she’d tried not to anyway. People had their own demons, their own baggage, and though Jeremiah had time and time again been there for her all while never letting her in, she’d laid herself bare for him and would likely continue to do so, simply to make sure he knew that he had someone. For there was no worse feeling than being alone. “I don’t know, you’re a pain in the ass even without being friends with you. I think I can handle it.” She shrugged nonchalantly, though she hadn’t for a long time thought he was any kind of pain at all. When they’d first met, without a doubt, he’d been nothing more than yet another asshole that couldn’t seem to grasp the idea that what she was now completely contradicted the kind of person she was, and it made it all the harder for her in comparison to people that were so used to survival. But bringing any of that up now would be suicide to whatever truce they’d decided on, and while she still didn’t want to push anything too much with him, she’d take what she could get. Perhaps some couldn’t look past certain things that had transpired, maybe they couldn’t look past any given comment or treatment of one another. More often than not he’d openly claimed to want nothing to do with her and then turned around and said the opposite. He’d once claimed that despite her own feelings, she couldn’t love him; demeaning what she’d felt into nothing more than a school girl crush and perhaps that had been heartbreaking to hear after everything they’d gone through. But Caitlyn was as forgiving as anyone might have ever been, and she’d known he’d struggled with a lot between them, she’d seen in and heard it in his voice time and time again. Neither were guilty, nor as innocent as the other. They’d both said and done things that went against who they were, and yet still she couldn’t really think of anyone she’d rather mend things with. “Okay then.” She said slowly, offering him a soft smile that didn’t at all tell of the relief that might have fallen to her shoulders. “There’s no way to start it, friendships aren’t something that you plan out..-- They just happen.. We just hang out, talk..-- and then one day it just is. Don’t think too much about it and it’ll happen.” That much she could handle, one day at a time. In truth, she wasn’t entirely sure she could handle as much with her own best friend as far off the rails as she’d ever seen him.. Perhaps when the time was right, she’d ask Jeremiah what she could do to pull Dawson back from the edge of his lacking humanity. “Did you find her?” His sister was a much easier subject than his brother, she knew that much. “You know, I thought most people hated family gatherings but I think you might safely hate them more than everyone else.” Which was a strange thought, since he seemed to push everything aside for them; a family dynamic that she didn’t quite understand and likely wouldn’t until he talked to her about it, if ever. “Really, really. I haven’t really ever been anywhere other than Maine, and even then I never went anywhere near the coast.” Her life as a whole had made travelling anywhere too far difficult, moving here had been likely more work than was necessary all things considered. “Well, I’ve got all the time in the world now, so one day won’t be never and I think I could deal with your out of tune singing for a road trip and the beach,” She laughed knowing all too well that agreeing to anything outright might very well have the opposite effect of trying to start over with him. “I’ve seen more snow in my life than I’m comfortable with. You know, people that have never seen it, think it’s gorgeous and will never listen to a word you say when you tell them how horrible it is? I’m just glad I can’t really feel the cold anymore.” That was really all she’d ever known, even on the warmest days, her bones had been set with a certain chill that she’d never been able to shake.

Who is on top? - Caitlyn surprisingly enough, he’s always made her feel more confident than she is

Who is the one to instigate things? - Noah

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - She’s learning more about her stamina because of the sex.

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Always

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 (she always forgets that she won’t hurt him, and he doesn’t want to hurt her) | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How many children will they have naturally? - One, they didn’t plan it

How many children will they adopt? - Three, Wren’s used to big families and Cait loves kids too much not to

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - They share

Who is the stricter parent? - Caitlyn, she knows how much trouble they’d get into if they were left with Wren to lecture them

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Caitlyn

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Caitlyn, but Wren always sneaks in things she purposefully didn’t put there

Who is the more loved parent? - Wren

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? Caitlyn

Who cried the most at graduation? - Caitlyn, but she caught Wren and has never mentioned it since

Who is on top? - It’s probably a little bit of both, but mostly Jeremiah

Who is the one to instigate things? - Jeremiah at first

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - Cait hasn’t learnt how much stamina she has now --- so a long time

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - They try, but it’s not always possible

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

He was surprised that he had actually opened his mouth and contributed to the conversation. Usually, these interactions had a pattern, he would say nonsense and just lead her down the path for both of them to yell at each other. “I do.” He replied confirming his earlier words, perhaps that would get her to see the reality of the situation, or at least some part of it. Jeremiah had never intended for Caitlyn to think that any of this was her fault. He knew that his instant wall did not make sense to anyone on the outside. It was times like these that he was thankful that he didn’t care what others thought about him. “Which is what I am trying to do right here Caitlyn. We jumped into something and I mean that we both did that. But at the end of the day we don’t have any foundation – so when the hits start to come we have nothing to land on,” And not to mention that he didn’t know her, just like she didn’t know him. They had to start somewhere, and he reckons that perhaps this was the best place to do just that. Though perhaps down the road he would change his mind about such a thing. Opening up was not a gesture that the vampire was used to doing. It had taken him centuries to open up to Alina and Callista, and now that he had he forgot how it had just exactly taken place. He could trust Callista, and he knew that Callista could handle whatever was thrown at her versus the woman in front of him that he just thought of as a glass figure, as something that was too delicate to even be in the same room as himself. He bit inside his cheek, peeling a piece of the skin knowing that he had already opened up the door so he better just be honest, “I don’t know how to be a friend to someone knew – ok? And not someone like you. Clark till this day will tell you that we’re not friends – Alina and I for the longest time just fucked and now we just kill people and do pranks – and Callista – she is perhaps the one that I do trust and have let in but she had to be fucking smart cause before I knew I was doing that it was too late – April is probably the youngest semi-friend I have and even at that I keep her at arm’s length.” What he was trying to say was that he didn’t know how to really do friendship with someone that actually wanted to know him – and even worse that wanted to know the dark and light sides to him. Caitlyn had never been one to pick two or three elements that she enjoyed of the vampire. She was always all in and that terrified the vampire. “She’s stronger than she thinks – time will heal the wounds – or some shit like that. There we go. While I was gone?” He had to go through all his actions and determine what he could tell her and what he couldn’t tell her. “I ended up travelling to Hawaii for a couple of weeks. – Thre’s that.”

“I think your point is the reason that we have lost our way in determining what has to be dealt with right now and what can be shoved in a later category.” But this was Natalie, the one that would always believe that emotional pain wasn’t a real thing. That someone could easily choose to deal with it or not. It explained why she had years of pent up anger and sadness tucked inside her. “Not even going to try. That’s the difference between Jeremiah and me.” And it was not because she cared about Caitlyn or anyone’s feelings she just didn’t want to do the work, not giving a fuck about anything did amazing things. “Because at some point you have to accept what you are or everyone will use it against you and then you’ll be dead.”

“Super healing probably helps with that. Alright, looks like we’ve got a patent on our hands. Know any good headphone engineers?” At her friend’s false dramatics, the witch released a genuine laugh before falling short at the vampire’s question. Honesty had always been her greatest hurdle in this life, but now her sensibilities craved some type of clarification and outsider perspective; she would have to comply. “I want to say yes. I mean we’ve been through so much together in the past year and change, but… I don’t know what I’m doing, Cait. I’ve never been in a real relationship before him.” Resting her forehead in the palm of her hand, she continued. “When it’s good it’s really, really good. But when it’s bad… He just shuts me out and isolates himself. It’s like everyday he has a new secret that I don’t get to know and it kills me a little bit inside.” Of course the obvious answer to Caitlin’s inquiry hinged on how badly she just wanted Zeke himself, but nothing could ever be so simplistic. “I haven’t had anything permanent in six years, I’ve never— I mean Jesus, I’ve never sat down to think about if there would even be a long run for me. Or us. Or anything.” Shifting uncertainly in her seat, more doubts than comfort began to spring to the witch’s mind. “That’s what he said a long time ago, but… Actions speak louder, don’t they?”