tips on children, from an oldest sister of 3
i don't know what age group im talking about in particular tbh. maybe 8, maybe younger. just. children's stuff.
if you need dead silence (either you took the kid to a quiet place like a library or someone is sleeping in the house and you don't want them to wake up), don't look at the kid and whisper to them "we need to be quiet." because that usually makes them LOUDLY 'whisper' to you when they want to speak. instead, do the universal quiet sign of a finger over your lips and point to your reasoning for being quiet (aka the sleeping parent). i'm not saying this works 100% but it helps
elaborate on everything. speak to them way longer than you should, this will both make them understand the world better and also! it makes them speak better because they are developing their speech patterns by listening to you. it's good to teach them many words, and different ways of constructing sentences! speak to them especially longer if they need to make a decision and the result of this decision matters a lot (hence you will need to redirect them if they make the wrong decision- and they will trust you with their decisions a lot more if you consistently do this! make sure to give them a lot of information that they need, and give them breadcrumbs so they can exercise critical thinking and make those decisions themselves.)
give specific compliments. if they bring something to you and ask you if you like it, don't just say yes or no. whatever your answer is, point something out to them and elaborate. another thing: you don't even need to compliment them all the time- children like constructive criticism more than people think. as long as you're polite and excited, they will enjoy your opinion. "i like how you cut this, it especially looks good here; but it would look even better if you cut it more precisely up here!" (gives them a new big word to learn and also, they will probably follow your advice too and come to you a few minutes later with a much better-looking handcraft!
loud children will actually get quieter if you talk to them quietly, a bit quieter than your natural voice. they will mimic you- for a few minutes, at least, until they get bored.
if you buy something for yourself and they show a special interest in it, pointing it out and complimenting it; that is now your next best idea if you want to give them a present. they will lose their minds if you buy them one, too. (even if they didn't specifically ask for one)
elaborating on gifts, children LOVE useless shiny things. don't think too much when you're buying them gifts, just buy whatever they ask of you, or whatever is the most eye-catching in a shop. a good pen so they can use it while doing homework? fine. a very cheap and useless pen that has a PANDA on it? oh they will love that shit.
if they are upset and crying (but obviously not injured), let them cry for a while before you prod further. there is no need to rush things unless the kid is in danger. approach them patiently and you will see that once the crying reduces a bit, and they can speak, they will be very intent on spilling their troubles at you. if you can't solve their problem, take your time to pick your reasonings and explain them to the child. if you prove to this child that you are truly powerless here, sell it convincingly, they will understand and stop crying. but- you need to be honest. kids are naive because of their age but they can spot lies, especially if the same lie is used over and over again. the more genuine you are with them, the more they will trust you when you say something. you earn your authority by earning their trust first.
kids have varying opinions on physical touch. my personal experience is with my younger sisters and they really like it, so that's what i will speak about: if a child likes physical touch and wants hugs all the time, do not turn them down. it is serious to them, if you turn them down they will feel upset about it. unreasonably upset. it's okay to refuse a couple of times to teach them that they need permission and consent before hugging someone; but other than that, please cut children some slack and sacrifice your own comfort if necessary. you are the adult here, you can be uncomfortable for 15 seconds to keep your child happy. you will not die. and- children who don't like physical touch at all- i'm sure they exist but i personally don't know any. most children are chill with headpats or just poking their face with your finger.
children will mimic you to hell and back so WATCH WHAT YOU DO AROUND THEM. they will literally become you. if your spare time is full of reading, don't be surprised when your child starts reading in their room too. if you scroll all day, don't ask why you have an ipad kid. if your child is easily angered, try to remember how you reacted to a broken glass yourself last week. don't you ever remove yourself from the equation- when you're talking to your kid, you are ALWAYS talking to yourself.
don't yell at your kid. if you're refusing to give your kid what they want so fiercely; then you know why you can't accept their request. you have a solid reason. just explain them your reason instead of yelling. it's hard but if you're not willing to do hard things then maybe don't have kids?
talk to them. they have a lot to tell you.
never ask your kid what the other kids in their class are doing. adopt a complete idgaf attitude for other kids- we literally do not care. just knowing your own kid's performance is enough. (this point is important because it pisses me off personally. i know parents who literally ask their children 'how did the other kids do' BEFORE congratulating the child FOR A PERFECT SCORE. seriously, why do people care so much about strangers? or, being better or worse off than strangers?) (most of these kids themselves don't care anyway)
let your kid break things and make messes. it's a part of human development. if you don't want to clean after them, DO NOT HAVE KIDS LMAO maybe send them somewhere they CAN make a mess. like? a course or something? their grandparents who live in a house with a garden? anyway, just do not forcefully raise clean kids, they grow up with crippling confidence issues. they need to know that even if they mess up, they can recover and fix their mistakes. they need to know this by breaking a few glasses, abusing some sharpies or scraping their knees. THIS IS INESCAPABLE. if you don't let them learn now, life will eventually catch up to them and they will be forced to learn later- when the costs inevitably grow. they may fail an important exam, they may crash a car, they may find themselves in a horrible relationship. what will they do then, not knowing how to navigate a mess? anyway, a kid who has already shattered a glass will be VERY careful next time they pick up one, don't forget that.
if they have a hobby, for god's sake let them pursue it no matter now ridiculous it is. be creative and solve their problems, you are the parent. if they want a guitar and you can't afford one, at least ask the child's school to see if they have one that the child can practice on. PLEASE go above and beyond for your kid. you are the only person who can. that is your child- no one will give them more effort than you do. you better do a good job, right?
children don't forget what is said to them. be gentle. i have forgiven my own parents many times, but i remember everything they said to me in our worst fights. it doesn't hurt less just because we made up.
i overall think you should not have kids because they are so so so fragile. so much consideration needed. so much energy and just raw compassion- it's not something everyone can do. i personally don't think i can. parents create the base- the groundwork- for their child's personality and i think that's a responsibility that is just too big to bear. when you think too deep into it, "am i raising this child correctly?" can quickly turn into "wait, was i raised correctly?" and boom. existential crisis.
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