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Bob Kaufman, Darkwalking Endlessly

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(by downtofowler)
(by downtofowler)
Why English Is Hard to Learn. And Why That’s Kind of Beautiful.
If you’ve ever tried to learn English as a second language, or even just reflected on how strange it can be, you’ve probably encountered the maddening inconsistency that defines it. A humorous and insightful anonymous poem, featured in the image above, captures this frustration perfectly — turning it into a playful exploration of the language’s quirks.
Let’s break down why English is so difficult… and so fascinating.
The Plural Problem
The poem begins with a seemingly simple rule: “We’ll begin with box; the plural is boxes.” Easy enough. But then: “the plural of ox is oxen, not oxes.” Wait, what?
English doesn’t follow consistent pluralization rules. Goose becomes geese, but moose doesn’t become meese. Mouse becomes mice, but house becomes houses, not hice. Pan doesn’t become pen, and tooth becomes teeth, but booth stubbornly remains booths.
Sound Logic? Not Really.
If foot becomes feet, shouldn’t book become beek? Why not? The poem playfully applies a pattern, then breaks it—just like English often does. This inconsistency is part of what makes the language tough to learn: learners crave patterns, and English often refuses to give them.
Homophones and Hilarity
Then there are the sounds: “this” becomes “these,” so should “kiss” become “keese”? It’s absurd, yet logical—at least based on other rules we’ve seen. This is where English can feel more like a riddle than a language.
Pronoun Pandemonium
Perhaps the most charming part of the poem is its playful take on gendered pronouns. We have he, his, him, but imagine if she followed the same pattern: she, shis, shim! Of course, that’s not real English—but it highlights how arbitrarily male pronouns get a consistent set while female ones don’t. It’s a small detail that opens the door to deeper questions about language and gender.
The Takeaway: English Is a Patchwork Quilt
This poem is more than a string of funny rhymes. It’s a reflection of how English has evolved—not through logic or consistency, but through centuries of borrowed words, regional dialects, invasions, and cultural shifts. It’s a chaotic mash-up of Germanic roots, Latin structure, and French flair, with a few surprises thrown in for good measure.
And while that might make it frustrating to learn, it also makes English wonderfully rich and expressive. Its irregularities give it character. Its flexibility lets it grow.
So the next time you find yourself puzzled by why the plural of goose is geese but the plural of moose isn’t meese, just smile. You’re speaking one of the weirdest, most inventive languages in the world.
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D. H. Lawrence, from Lady Chatterley’s Lover
Nikos Engonopoulos, from Bolívar, a Greek Poem