Elias

everyone deals with grief differently, and everyone has someone to grieve. for example, mina had delved into her world of dance to distract her from the realities of midnight’s sacrifice. sato had baked so much that he might as well open a bakery— it worked out well because every refugee shelter in japan needed more necessities and every person in class one— 2A was willing to help deliver them.

hero’s dynamight and uravity were delivering boxes of baked goods from sato and clothes made by the support course and yaomomo. everyone had to leave in partners just incase, but the war had long since ended. ochako always tried to start conversations with bakugo, but he’d always brush her off. she’d requested to change partners multiple times, but she was always denied. she wished she could crawl into bakugo’s mind, somehow understand what he was thinking. she gave it up as a bad job after a while.

they flew in silence, all that could be heard was bakugo’s explosions that were keeping him up. she wasn’t sure what to say; it’s not like he’d reply to her anyway. instead of being sad or upset about this fact, she feels frustration build up inside of her. she’d tried so hard to try a build them back up, it was like a switch inside of him had flipped.

she stares ahead, determined to get this job over with.

it had been a particularly long night of patrol, her coming back at around 2am to katsuki sat on the couch on his phone. at the sound of the dorm building door open, his head shoots up.

“you’re two hours late.”

“i got caught up trying to find a little boy’s mother,”

“i thought someone had taken you. i know you can handle yourself but you know how dangerous it is with all of the villains out there and shit,”

thunder crackles in the background and ochako’s face softens as she approaches him. although katsuki’s face seemed emotionless, she couldn’t help but notice the slight tremor of his body and the way his eyes were sick with worry. it reminded her that he cared, despite the front that he put on. dropping her head piece, she pulls him into a tight embrace. he clings onto her desperately— like he’s afraid she’ll disappear from his grasp.

it was only them inside of the universe, and she’d gladly keep it that way until she died. even then, the stars they’d create would never be too far apart. they’d shine for each other, with each other. future astrologers would look up at their twinkling lights and marvel at their beauty. she was so certain.

lightening strikes and thunder booms— suddenly ochako is falling from the sky like an angel falls from grace.

it startled her, causing her to tap her fingers together to release her from her gravity-defying quirk— she hadn’t assessed the situation at all and now she was falling. and bakugo was diving. his warm body collides with her shaking one and he wraps a tight arm around her waist. she holds onto him as he uses his explosions to manoeuvre them to safety. her heart almost beats out of her chest and she can’t tell whether it’s from panic, anxiety, or a secret third thing.

they land in an alley, the supplies thankfully in one piece, floating gracefully beside them. despite them landing, katsuki doesn’t budge. he keeps his tight hold on her waist and she lets him— ochako lets him. they stay like that for a few moments, eternity, listening to each other’s heart beats, copying each other’s breathing pattern. twinkling at the same rate. completely synced.

bakugo’s the first to pull away, of course.

thunder grumbles in the background as rain slices their skin. they’re completely soaked, yet they still stand there in the alley, unspeaking with so much to say. he lifts up some bags and she mirrors him.

“the shelter isn’t that far of a walk from here,”

ochako blinks, and suddenly she’s back in the dorms.

she’s decided that katsuki’s embrace is her favourite place to be. it’s like summer’s afternoon sun, golden and joyful. it creates a ball of warmth deep inside her chest, enveloping her heart and causing it to do flips. and they always seemed to last for infinity.

they were in her dorm, her head resting on his chest as they co-exist together. she listens to his beating heart and feels his chest rise and fall. the pros were preparing for the war to begin very soon, and this would be one of the last times they’d be able to stay like this until the fighting began. both were determined to persevere through this war and win, even if it killed them.

ochako decides she wouldn’t mind dying in katsuki’s arms if it meant feeling his warmth.

“if you get scared you can hold my hand,” katsuki says teasingly, though ochako knows better than to assume he’s joking.

“i think you’ll be needing to grab mine more,” she giggles and he rolls his eyes in amusement.

“absolutely not, i’ll be too busy exploding the shitheads to hold your hand anyways,” he grumbles, causing her to laugh harder.

“so i can’t hold your hand if i get scared?” she asks, trying to catch him out. his eyes widen.

“no that’s not what i meant pink cheeks!! don’t go twisting my words!!” he pouts in a playful anger and she clutches her sides as she watches katsuki’s face heat up in a flustered false fury.

another strike of lightening crackles and ochako flinches.

bakugo opens the door of the shelter, walking straight in and not bothering to keep the door open for her. she pushes it open herself and places the bags down at the entrance, hurrying over to ryukyu as she’s the pro who protects the shelter. the two make quiet conversation as bakugo begrudgingly begins to unpack all of the items that they had carried here.

a cold shiver runs up ochako’s spine and she comes to the sudden realisation that she’s soaked due to the rain and currently dripping onto the floor of the entrance. ryukyu simply laughs at her embarrassment and offers the two to stay the night at the shelter as it may be too dangerous to go out in the harsh conditions. ochako looks back at bakugo and agrees when she sees his slight nod of acknowledgement.

bakugo hated the rain.

ochako limps across the rubble: her suit, hair, and body drenched with the relentless rain. she doesn’t know what to do. himiko toga had just sacrificed her own life to save her’s. she was so young— the same age as ochako. uravity was supposed to save people, but she couldn’t even save one teenage girl.

exhaustion overwhelms her as she manages to reach the main fight and she collapses to the ground, trying to look up at the scene around her. trying to find her kat. she carefully pushes herself up, trying to get further in. she sees deku in the sky, fighting for his life, for safety, against any villain who may threaten his path. then she sees him. her stupid, angry, explosive, wonderful boyfriend. she sees the light of his star go out.

katsuki hated the rain.

they are taken to their room for the night. it’s small, and there’s only one bed, but they were no strangers to sharing one. bakugo goes straight to the bathroom, opting to get changed into the spare clothes they were given in there. she peels off her own wet clothes, placing them on the radiator and getting changed promptly before laying down on the bed. the bathroom door clicks open and bakugo walks out, placing his clothes beside her own.

“i can sleep on the floor if you need me to pink cheeks,” he mumbles, his face void of any hints to what he was truly thinking.

she smiles softly and shakes her head in amusement. “i don’t bite, ka— bakugo,” she catches herself just in time.

bakugo walks towards the bed, laying down on the edge, facing away from ochako. she turns her body to look at him, only to be met with his back. she nervously wraps an arm around his middle, and seeing him relax causes her to move closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder.

and for a moment, despite everything, it was like the war had never happened.

everyone in class 1A was admitted to the hospital once the war was over, some only stayed for a few hours— others had to stay for up to a week. it was the longest week of ochako’s life.

since she wasn’t supposed to leave her room, and only family were allowed to visit, she has no way of knowing if her kat was okay— no way of knowing if the star that inspired her was still burning brightly. she was terrified, a constant state of panic and anxiety.

when she was released, and settled back into the dorms, she immediately went to katsuki’s room. she knocked gently (just incase, she’d never want to wake him) and waited for him to open the door.

“what?” katsuki opens the door. his face is unreadable and he can barely look at her in her eyes. he sounded so— rude. harsh. cold. not like her katsuki anymore.

“i wanted to check on you, i haven’t seen you since.. and i needed to know you were okay!” ochako says sweetly, her voice not as full as life as it used to be.

“i’m fine,” he says bluntly, shutting the door in her face.

ochako stands staring at the door, surprise written all over her face. she doesn’t know what to do. she walks down the hall in a stunned silence, horrified at the interaction. she chalked it up to the war still being fresh in his mind, and she knew that people had different ways to cope— like mina’s dancing and sato’s baking— but she never for a second thought that her katsuki would shut her out. she decided to give him the space he needed, of course.

but eventually, slowly but surely, everything was becoming normal again. she was back to hanging out with deku, iida, todoroki, tsu and yaomomo and bakugo was back with ‘his idiots’ as he would call them. but bakugo’s attitude towards her never changed. it was radio silence from his side. he wouldn’t even look in her direction— it was like she had a disease.

then they read the patrol assignments, and hope swelled in her heart. maybe, just maybe, they’d be able to burn as bright as they used to. his neutral face didn’t change, but yaomomo swears she saw the corners of his mouth twitch up ever so slightly when he read their names.

on their first patrol, it was raining.

the light pattering on rain against the window was heard as the two laid together. simply existing. ochako decides that she would willingly die this way like she did just last year. his warmth consumes her, burning into her skin.

“why won’t you look at me?” she asks gently, anxiously— as if he would break if she was any louder. she feels him tense underneath her.

“because all i see is the girl covered in blood staring at me in horror in my final moments”

you slept in late— you always do during the summer. your mother never tends to bother you though, and she definitely doesn’t shake you awake with a panicked expression. you look at her with sleepy eyes, exasperated.

“what is so important that you decided to wake me so violently?”

“something terrible has happened.”

your eyes shoot open, like a light has been shined into them. your mother stops shaking you, opting to sit on the edge of your bed instead. that feeling from the before overwhelms you as your heart jumps into your throat. you don’t move. you don’t say anything. you don’t even breathe. you can’t.

“toby’s missing, and his father’s dead. the police believe that toby has done it but..”

she trails off, searching for something, anything in your expression.

you jump as drops of water fall down your face, their salty taste causing you to frown.

“is there a leak?”

your mother doesn’t reply with words, but her actions speak a million for her. she wraps her arms around you, pulling you close to her tightly, like she’ll never let go.

more droplets roll down your face— where is this water coming from?

an hour ticks by and your eyes feel like they’re on fire, burning you simply for existing. is this what hell is like? you push away from your mother. pity is written all over her face. or is it grief?

guilt consumes you, feeds on you. you knew something was wrong yesterday. you felt it eating away at your very core, your soul. it starved you of finding any way out of this endless rabbit hole of shame. he had told you he was going to do it, yet you did nothing to stop him. why didn’t you believe him?

you were still in yesterday’s clothes— you were too tired to change last night. grabbing at the sides of the hoodie, you pull it tighter to your body, bringing him closer to you. why didn’t you stop him?

your mother stays close by your side as you both make your way down the stairs. you don’t brush your hair. you don’t brush your teeth. you don’t even breathe. why can’t you breathe? keep walking.

you mindlessly sit down on the couch when there’s three intimidating knocks on the door. your mother gets it, and suddenly there’s three people in the same uniform asking you too many questions.

name? age? how do you know toby? when did you last see toby? why can’t you breathe?

you answer their questions the best you can while trying to seem as calm as you can. but you’re shaking, and your voice is wobbly. your mother brings the people in uniform some tea, and you some water.

one sip. two sips. three sips. glass shards on the floor. your mother apologises to the uniformed people profusely and begins to clean up your mess. you don’t move. you don’t even breathe.

the room is silent, and everything feels cold. your house barely feels cold, your mother always turns the heating up so high that she might as well be cooking you alive. so what was different?

the uniformed people leave after while, but they say they’ll be back. your mother shuts the door and locks it behind her. she doesn’t speak to you. she doesn’t even look at you. out of the corner of your eye, you see a tall shadow looming menacingly in the corner.

you wish to drown.

abandoning your seat on the couch, you make your way back up the stairs and lay on your bed. you figured if you laid there long enough, your body would decompose and you’d be nothing but ash and bone on top of the sheets. never breathing.

a knock on your window breaks your train of thought.

you sit up abruptly, staying still for a moment to allow your body to adjust to the change. hesitantly, you stand up and make your way to your window, looking outside. a dark figure could be seen outside, carrying what seemed to be an axe of sorts..? perhaps even hatchet. it was hard to see from your window.

the curious figure gestures to you, and then the door. they want you to let them in. out of the corner of your eye, you see it. the shadow. you swing your head around but it’s gone. are you going crazy? no.

you turn back to look out of the window again only to see the dark figure gone too. maybe.

you don’t breathe as you walk towards your bed. you don’t breathe as you get under the covers. you don’t breathe as you hide underneath them. maybe he had the right idea; maybe the tall man was coming for you now that he had toby.

is it that you are drowning?

getting out of bed after a sleepless slumber was useless, but realising things in your bedroom had moved around was even worse.

it was the small things you noticed first. like your red sweater was on the floor when it’s supposed to be on your clothing rack. maybe it fell off in the night? don’t be an idiot. some of your jewellery was missing. papers on your desk had been moved. your journal was left wide open with a pen on top of it. and you can’t breathe.