What Are Maintenance Spankings?
Maintenance spankings are regular, preplanned, and negotiated sessions which remain a force of consistency within some D/S relationships. They differ from specific impact play scenes, punishment/ funishment spankings due to this consistency. Often these sessions are served with an underlying purpose or goal behind them.
Some may see them as a preventative measure, reinforcing boundaries of the relationship.
Some may see them as a cathartic release of pressures from work/family/friends/etc.
Emotional security is created through consistency and both partners attention to a joint task.
Some may have underlying trauma or life events which sparked the need for control.
Connection and emotional bonding, it allows for trust to be given and held which strengthens the relationship.
Commitment, it allows a prior decided date and time consistently weekly/ monthly where a dominate and submissive undertake a promise to each other. This promise can be discussed and moved with consent conversations and an update contract – as always CONSENT IS KEY, even in a renegotiated session.
Essentially, we all have our own needs, wants and desires as to why impact play and maintenance spankings are important to us. For example, to me they serve as a ‘reset button,’ they allow me time at the end of my busy week to give up the control in my daily job and hand it to someone else. This allows me a safe space to float freely and a way to bring out pent up emotions. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I laugh and sometimes I am exhausted and sometimes I am left craving more...but that is just a little insight.
Boundaries, Limits and Mental Health Considerations
Questions to first ask yourself - Ask yourself (What kind of Dominant am I?) (What motivates me?) (What do I want to give to my submissive?) What do I want in return?) (Am I ready for the responsibility, and why should I be trusted with it?)
Now I would advise you as always talk to your partner.
- Are they into impact play?
- What do they gain and enjoy from it?
- Know their limits and boundaries (do they have any hard no’s)
- Understand how you feel about this, and how that connects to their needs also.
I cant advice enough BUT write it down! Write out your feels about maintenance spankings, impact play (leave no detail out), ask them to do the same and come together and discuss those things, see the overlaps, and find commonalities within your own interest. Its so important to be able to come together and talk about the ins and outs before you pick up any tools.
(TW: SH mentioned in this paragraph)
I would also consider the implications of mental health and spankings. For example, those with histories of self-injury as a dom/me and submissive this would need to be considered. Make sure they are not using this as a form of SH and have an open and honest conversation surround their triggers. If this is something you ever have to consider talking about.
- “How would you approach me to tell me you were struggling?”
- Postponing the session to a later date
- “Will you ensure to tell me if you think of using it as a tool for harm.”
Essentially, ensuring the maintenance spankings are rooted with pure intentions and avoid harmful behaviour is important. I cant stress enough TRUST TRUST TRUST, both dom/sub must understand the implications for each other in this scenario.
- Sessions should be scheduled frequently (weekly is often beneficial but that is dynamic dependant)
- Using calendars, diaries, or online tools to track dates and times.
- Create a routine for security.
For example, a similar routine to one I have followed before states;
- When? Spankings to happen every Friday at 6pm
- Where? Bedroom on the bed/ chair
What to ensure is done before, during and after?
Before - Make sur D/S have rested, nourished and hydrate throughout the day. Discuss this in detail to ensure this has been maintained properly, check in for headspace of both partners, “how are we both feeling today?” “Any stressors, injury or illness?” “How is the previous spanking healed/ healing?”
During – Picking and consenting to the implement (hand, paddle, flogger, cane, crop) How many spanks will be given? Will multiple implements be used or will this remain consistent – will this stay the same until your contract is reviewed or change weekly. Constant check in throughout session, asking for headspace, emotions, pain levels. (Traffic light system)
After – Aftercare is crucial, the same day and days afterwards. Help to clean up, check in with their headspace, how they feel, are they in pain, do they need anything to help with that. Form a consistent routine for aftercare e.g., cuddles, redressing, hydration, hair brushing, bathing, applying ointment, music, silence, togetherness, or alone time. Make sure both D/S receive aftercare of their needs.
Routine is a key part of consistency which helps to provide safety, always consider this. I would also really encourage you to track sessions; take time even a day later to sit and write through your feelings together. What went well, how did you feel, likes, dislikes, confusion. Make space weekly for this as a little check in, this can help when you come back to contract negotiations and changes (you may schedule these at various times during the year).
Now for the technicalities
Areas – generally the guidance is sticking to softer areas cushioned by fat and muscles such as; bottom and thighs, avoid areas such as vital organs or more fragile areas such as the ribs.
Know your tools – make sure you are aware of the increasing intensity of the strikes, how to tools land and techniques used to create these different sensations (thud, sting, softer, harder, faster, slower) attune to your submissives responses. Each tool require a different skill set so be cautious to learn before you jump straight in.
Positions – Over your lap, a spanking bench, laying on their front, St. Andrew’s Cross, standing but bent over, hands and knees (doggy style), legs raised or against a wall.
The meaning of maintenance spankings is individual for everyone and every dynamic. There are so many things that play into this for example what type of dynamic you are in, what type of dominant, submissive or switch are you?
- Have a read of @madamejadex post about ‘The Spectrum of Dom/mes and Subs,’ linked here. This is a wonderful read introducing you to the dominant and submissive roles you may encounter on your journey, I would highly encourage you to seek out an understanding of why individuals ‘fit’ certain roles and their reasons behind that.
- Remember D/s relationships are not ‘one size fits all,’ where like puzzle pieces waiting for the perfect fit. Not all dominants and submissive fit together so remember to keep that in mind.
- https://www.tumblr.com/madamejadex/782445930228121600/understanding-the-spectrum-of-dommes-and-subs?source=share
Focus on consent & negotiation (including safe words, boundaries, limits, aftercare) Safety protocols (especially for more intense impact play or longer sessions), first aid (checking in on the sites of impact, how are they healing, any discomfort)
Research acronyms and protocols, here are some examples: SSC (safe, sane, consensual), RACK (risk-aware consensual kink), PRICK (yes I know this one is a little funny, but Personal responsibility, informed, consensual kink) and CCCC (4C’s, caring, communication, consent, caution)
- Inform submissives you are learning and curious; set the expectation you want to learn, take it slowly because good submissives or dominates who you learn from will want to support your growth as much as you support them. Start slowly with mutual respect and understanding.
- None of us have all the answers so do not be afraid to ask questions and stay curious. Dominance is not about knowing it all, it is about connection, care, and a willingness/ desire to constantly learn and improve yourself.
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