I'm odd.

Okay so, when I go to the gym, I usually bring my big timer. It's about as big as my face so that I can see it from across the gym, and it has suction cups on the back so that I can stick it to the wall mirror. Here is my drawing of what it looks like:

Today, I arrived at the gym as usual. I sauntered up to the wall mirror, attached my suction cup timer, and set it to an hour. I looked back at everyone else at the gym with a smug smirk, hit a few casual stretches, and got into plank position on the ground.

After 27 seconds I collapsed. There was still 59 minutes and 33 seconds left on the timer. I just lay there face down and started weeping gently. Even though I wasn't making eye contact with anyone, everyone else at the gym still looked away with a strained expression on their face. After weeping for 10 minutes, I got up, took the suction cup timer, and hurriedly shuffled out of the gym, looking at the ground.

When I was walking past the front desk, I decided to raise my head and looked with my teary eyes back at the woman at the front desk. She always works there and might own the gym for all I know. She's an older woman with an eyepatch, in a black tanktop, and that wiry type of frame that carries more strength than you would expect. Here's my drawing of her:

She looked back at me. After a couple seconds of us looking at each other, ever so slightly

Almost imperceptibly

She nodded.

I had improved. Last week, I had planked for only 21 seconds and cried for 15 minutes.

me: caesar! you have conquered all lands. none stand before you. what will you do now?

caesar: i think… i will invent a salad

me: what will you call it, your glory?

caesar: julius's salad

me: close