xiaoh

“You’re the only one who can keep Tamayo-san’s memory alive.”

A panel redraw from chapter 205, this scene is honestly so bittersweet ;w; ❤ 

sick of my own skin

I realize now that it was a book about me dealing with depression before I even knew it. Looking back at how blatant the projecting was, it’s obvious now. It wasn’t then.

In the story, the middle-generation people are lost. They’re apathetic. They’re just a placeholder. The only job they have is to keep the ship running, have kids, and die. As the middle generation of people began becoming adults, suicide rates were skyrocketing. Crime and drug rates were jumping. This generation was completely apathetic because they felt that they had no use.

In the story, a small group of people in the middle-generation create the Weather Project. They turn the ship into a terrarium. They make magnificent gardens and take the DNA of animals they took with them and recreate them and they make this cold, metal spaceship that they have to live their entire lives on into a home. They take what little they have and they break it and rearrange it into something beautiful. They take this radical idea and turn the ship into a wonderful jungle of trees and birds and sunshine.

And I realize now how much it reflects my state of mind as I transitioned from a child into an adult while dealing with depression. You always hear “it gets better” and “when you’re older things will be easier” and I was so sick of waiting for it to get better. I was in the middle-generation stage. And I was sick of it. I was so sick of waiting.

When I was in highschool I didn’t know how to end the story. I didn’t know how to have a happy ending. I didn’t have the life experience then to finish the story in a meaningful way. I didn’t know how to make it better for these middle-generation characters.

But now that I’m older, I’m learning. That if you sit and wait for things to get better, it never will. You have to take your life and break it apart and rearrange it into something beautiful. You have to make the cold metal ship into the garden that you deserve. You have to make your own meaning. You have to plant your own garden.

Your Name (Kimi no Na wa)

A Silent Voice (Koe no Katachi)

I Want to Eat Your Pancreas (Kimi no Suizou o Tabetai)

The Anthem of the Heart (Kokoro ga Sakebitagatterunda)

Into the Forest of of Fireflies' Light (Hotarubi no Mori e)

Weathering with You (Tenki no Ko)

Ride Your Wave (Kimi to, Nami ni Noretara)

Maquia: When the Promised Flower Blooms (Sayonara no Asa ni Yakusoku no Hana wo Kazarou)

The Garden of Words (Kotonoha no Niwa)

Liz and the Blue Bird (Liz to Aoi Tori)

5 Centimeters Per Second (Byousoku 5 Centimeter)

When Marnie Was There (Omoide no Marnie)

Spirited Away (Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi)

Princess Mononoke (Hepburn: Mononoke-hime)

Howl's Moving Castle (Howl no Ugoku Shiro)

My Neighbor Totoro (Tonari no Totoro)

Ponyo (Gake no Ue no Ponyo)

The Secret World of Arrietty (Karigurashi no Arrietty)

Black Fox