deer reader…

“maybe we’re thinking of the unsub in the wrong way, maybe we’ve got it upside down-“

Spencer didn’t let you finish. He didn’t mean to, his excitement got ahead of him.

“what if the unsub is a woman? then, everything would make sense: the intimacy in the murder, the time in between victims…” Everyone’s expressions relaxed as they realized and they continued Spencer’s train of thought.

“Great job guys” Hotch let the file drop on the table as he hurried out the door, giving a gratifying smile to everyone.

Everything continued. You felt like you missed a beat. Your sentence remained in the back of your throat, uncomfortable. Hotch’s congratulations landed untruthful, uncredited, too broad for your taste. If Spencer had just waited for 5 more seconds, you could’ve said the same thing. Maybe not as epiphany-like as him, but still.

The team dispersed. You don’t let go of it. In fact, it pulsates as you close your fist and your skin becomes embedded with crescent moon shapes.

It was difficult for Spencer not to pay attention to you. You were a force, he was drawn in with extreme ease. Even when he didn’t want to, and trust me, he wanted to most of the time, he noticed your uneasiness in you more than he noticed it in himself.

As you were leaving, Spencer walked beside you, his hand caressing your shoulder slightly.

“Hey…are you okay?” His eyes felt like x-ray vision. It was extremely vulnerable of you to answer with sincerity. And of course, you weren’t about to rip your emotional clothes off and stand naked in the office. Your teeth pressed together with force. The words were jammed in your jugular. If you spoke, the blood would make a scene. Your bottom lip trembled as the corners of your mouth formed into an uneasy smile.

“yeah, great” You tried to make that sound as non sarcastic as possible. Spencer’s hands hesitated as he let go of your shoulder. He wasn’t fond of you being deceitful. Not because you were keeping something from him, you are far too sweet for that. But because you’d be thinking of the wedged words in your brain until they became stuck. And that was what he feared the most.

You felt wicked as the guilt corroded your skin. You knew you were smart. You are smart. You are good. You internalized these thoughts until you found yourself in the middle of the parking lot breathing heavily. You were confused as your skin contrasted between hot and cold. The car keys jingled in a mocking way as you struggled to make a conscious connection between your brain and your hands. You wouldn’t have realized you were nearly weeping if Spencer Reid wouldn’t have tapped on your shoulder.

Spencer couldn’t bear to stare at your tear-lined eyes. Not when he could do something about it.

Your mouth opened but the words timidly stayed behind. You shook your head in a ferocious attempt to save yourself from the situation. Spencer leapt his body to yours, letting you close the space as he wrapped his lanky arms around you. You couldn’t let defeat beat you. But it felt really good to just feel warm.

As Spencer’s fingers raked through your hair, he spoke quietly.

“You were right first. It was uncalled for me to interrupt you. You’re so smart, you know?”

His voice was all sweet candy. Your eyes closed so shut you weren’t sure you could ever open them again. It felt like pain. You quickly realized not everything that’s supposed to feel like pain is pain. Slowly, surely, your body gave in and melted into his.

“do you think it’s over?” He tried to whisper, but his voice came out as more of a cracked whimper, afraid.

Your chest rose, then fell. You could only cover his cheek with the warmth of your hand and exhale.

“does it really matter if it’s over?” You shuffled closer to him. Sleep weighed heavy on his shoulders. He needed reassurance from you. Reassurance that you were there, that he didn’t have to touch you to know that you’re real. That today, everything tragic was behind. He still didn’t understand what that was supposed to mean.

His head shook. He wanted to get closer, to feel warm, to know that he wasn’t cold even after everything that happened.

He only knew you, he only wanted you. Your fingers rested on his head, surrounded by his brown locks. He breathed through his nose. That’s all he needed, to close his eyes and know that you were still there because your perfume still sent shocks to his heart.

“when i wake up, will you still be here?” His breathing was barely steady. His stillness was kind, but his hands weren’t still. Right now, in this moment, he was weak and you knew that.

ever since you joined the team, spencer has had his eye on you. you tried to wrap your head around what you might’ve done to have gotten on this child prodigy, genius, fbi agent’s nerves. you were well received by the rest of the team, fitting in pretty well. but every corner you turned, every word that came out of your mouth, spencer seemed to be extra vigilant, ready to debunk something you said or contradict an argument. you had been anything short of pleasant toward him. In fact, some could say you had a bit of a crush on him at the start, which is why him being so tough on you hit you even harder, he was nothing like they made him out to be.

you were telling a story from the other night to the few coworkers huddled next to your desk when Spencer chimed in. “you really shouldn’t go on that many blind dates, statistics show 1 out of 5 women are more likely to get kidnapped through a dating app than through natural occurrences”. He said absentmindedly, leaning back against his chair and fiddling with a file in between his hands. You huffed in disbelief and got up from your chair, leaving unannounced with a furious look on your face. “Spencer, that really isn’t the best thing to say to someone you like” Derek chimed, clicking his teeth and putting a hand on Spencer’s shoulder. “I- i didn’t think she’d be so bothered by it” Spencer’s brows furrowed, a concerned expression and a tint of embarrassment creeping up his face. “Yeah, better luck next time, genius” Emily teased, grabbing her mug and walking back to her desk along with the other few. Spencer’s mouth was dry. He looked down, cursing to himself, trying to find something to say that would make up for his mistake.

He got up with a boost of confidence and walked to the kitchen. You stood against the counter, straining your tea bag inattentively, brows still furrowed. You looked up when you felt Spencer’s presence, prompting an annoyed sigh from you. “I’m nearly done I’ll be out of your way” You mumbled without making eye contact, stopping in your tracks when you felt Spencer’s hand holding your arm. “Wait- sorry” Spencer let go of your arm, even if it was a gentle touch, he still felt it bothered you. “I just- I’m sorry, for earlier” He stumbled over his words, swallowing hard as he tried to maintain your gaze. You crossed your arms and stood there, expectantly. “I’m sorry everything I try to do just comes out wrong, i end up looking like an ass even when I try not to” He ran his hand through his hair in desperation. Your brows eased, though you were still wary of the truthfulness of his argument. “okay…but why do you have to be such a dick about everything? I’ve done nothing wrong, but you’ve been so…weird towards me ever since I joined” You sighed, hands falling to the side of your hips. A red tint creeped up Spencer’s cheeks. “Yeah…I- I don’t do well with social situations, much less-talking to a pretty girl. I’m really sorry I’ve made you feel that way” Your eyes grew in size and your lips parted slightly in disbelief. Were you hearing that right? Spencer calling you ‘pretty’? You were confused, but most of all, you were surprised. Spencer was clearly embarrassed. Every single attempt and every single piece of advise Morgan gave him had backfired tremendously. He told him girls like men being ‘dominant’, so every time she did something, Spencer looked like a moron trying not to look like a loser, descending into disaster. He traded in being a nerd with being a half-assed macho man. And you much more preferred the nerd. Now, you saw that nerd. In the way he was nervously fidgeting with his cup, how he was pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, how he was clumsily tossing his hair with his hand…You smiled softly. “So…everything you’ve been doing…that was…flirting?” You tried not to giggle, but it was really hard to hold it in with this new information. Spencer pressed his lips together and nodded, his face hot to the touch. “And you didn’t think, maybe, to just ask me on a date?” You put your hands on your hips, tilting your head to the side, grinning at him.

You laughed, the rest of the team struggling but teasing the boy as well. “it’s fun and relaxing, spence” you bantered as you transitioned into another pose with ease and grace, whereas Spencer was clearly nowhere near. “no, it’s humiliating and it hurts!” He said in defeat, falling flat on his stomach. Derek erupted in laughter. JJ and Prentiss were doing the double downward dog (...) they were struggling to contain the giggles as they glanced over at Spencer’s seemingly lifeless body. You knelt beside him as he regained his composure, he wore a ‘defeated puppy’ look. You smiled at his pout, pressing a soft kiss to his lips before encouraging him to continue. You grabbed his hand and guided him through the simplest yoga pose you could find.

“spence…you okay?” you spoke, your soft fingers gliding against his bare arms. You turned around to face him, shuffling with intimacy as you met his gaze. “yeah, just missed you” he hummed as he tugged your waist closer to his body, as gentle as always. you smiled lovesick, Spencer mirroring the gesture. you placed a holy kiss against his pillow lips, serving as a kind detonator that prompted him to return the favor, a bit more eagerly. You grinned against his lips, breathing in through your nose as you melted against him like chocolate. your hands creeped up his neck, sending shivers down Spencer's spine as your fingers lazily raked through his hair, grounding you. Your breath hitched as Spencer dragged his tongue softly against your lower lip.

The room was dimly lit, light only protruding from the pretty candles displayed on the table. It was lit just enough for you to be able to admire Spencer, the dip from his cheekbones, his lips. Spencer grew scarlett as the soft kisses grew like a craving. His fingers sunk into your hips, kneading the skin soft enough to not leave bruises, but hard enough for you to know how eager he was. His eyes were pleading, puppy like before encapsulating your mouth once again, indulging, overindulging. You separated your lips from his, for a slight moment, heads steadily tipped together as heavy breaths filled the silence. His hand tenderly cupped your cheek, serving as a reminder that he had you all to himself. His thumb grazed the side of your face. You swallowed, closing your eyes to savour his touch. “i think you just might be on the top of my kiss list” you whispered. “oh yeah? the other candidates weren’t good enough?” He teased. His raspy voice was sinful. Your eyes were intermittent in between his lips, his eyes, his bobbing adams apple, his lips.