what the sneef!!

Let's play puppies! *mounts you*

i want a penis but also i would get a boner from a stiff breeze. i would get hard from biting a particularly crisp apple

more porn of jackalope girls NOW!!

i hate when people are like “i really understand what it’s like to be Prey… to look up into the jaws of a predator and know it’s my purpose to be Consumed…” like bitch no, prey runs away, you’re some other shit

i know what its like to be Burger 🍔....

THIS IS WHAT GOOD PUSSY SOUNDS LIKE: [GEIGER COUNTER GOES WILD]

reblog if it's okay for your mutuals to message you and create an actual friendship, not just interactions

I really like when girls spread out like dough when they sit. It's pretty hot.

wife who butts in and says "oops, she's actually a girl dog!" when people misgender u

"oh haha is that a dog cage?" getting down on all fours "that's so cool lol. hm? oh don't mind me, I just dropped my phone." crawling inside "i'm sure it's in here somewhere." slowly turning in circles and laying down "where is it? gosh i need to think on this for a bit." falling asleep "you can close that door btw."

Me who had an elaborate plan to get you to go into the dog cage: 😐

recently had mini wheats (the cereal) and realized theyre kinda the quintessential Captive Food. like, you never choose to eat mini wheats, but theyre whats there. you only really find them in unfamiliar and discomforting environments, like the pitiful pantry at the house of a grandparent who seems to have no sense of taste, or, i suppose, the torture basement. theyre like little bales of hay with frosting on them, just good enough not to be bad, just culinary enough to count as human food. while i was munching on those things i really felt like i was In The Basement, yknow?

and i think my usage of the phrase "human food" is correct here, though i dont really mean it in the same way that spaghetti and meatballs is human food. like, its more like "cat food but for humans." if i had to imagine a universe where humans are pets, mini wheats are definitely high on the list of things i would conceptualize being sold in stores as "Human Food."